Probably thanks to my recent efforts to return to my contemplative nature - I found myself pondering a few random thoughts and, as I usually like to do, decided to write them down to help better organize and document them for my private journal. Felt like sharing this one in case it spurred some interesting conversation.
Anyway, I was pondering something I am sure many a mystic has said before more eloquently - that at any given moment we are never the same person we were before that moment. Sure, sometimes the changes from moment to moment may seem nominal and give the appearance of a static self, but so many factors can easily cause a change which can alter the course of our entire day. Various influences can change things, be it reading an upsetting email, or having a sudden though that changes one's mood for better or worse, or any number of external factors such as loud obnoxious people on the train during one's commute. All these things can alter our emotional state and in turn change our body and brain chemistry. How we perceive things can be very different depending on our emotional and physical state at any given time. So I may start my commute on a positive note and good day ahead and get off the train in a foul mood and a bad day to come. The day is the same day but the changes in my being will bring about very different perceptions and thus different outcome for that day.
We may not be able to control those random external influences but we do have much more control than we tend to accept in how we choose to let such things impact us. Sometimes I am quite good at deflecting such negative influences and other times I take things far too personally and allow them to bring me down. There's a certain level of detachment needed to allow oneself to see behind the layers of meaning we project onto events. It is then possible to respond (or not) in a manner that is in one's best interest.
As a manager I often find myself lecturing my staff on this point, especially given the current environment which has been growing increasingly toxic due to certain bad apples. Sure, sometimes those negative elements are showing lack of character and making a personal attack on some level, but more often that not, they are simply reflecting their ignorance and mean no intended harm. My staff and I will often read into such ignorant behavior as personal attacks and of course become more and more embittered and thus less productive in the process. This can have a snowball effect as that harbored negativity only fuels further projection, warping our perception of the facts and straining relations with those difficult people.
I admit behind my often stoic appearance there is an emotional center that can sometimes still get the best of me. It's not always easy to stop, take a deep breath, and then step back to see things as they really are. I want to lash out or stew in my anger, but to what avail? I always end up making matters worse. It's always easy to know what I should have said once the issue has calmed and much harder to diffuse such negativity once I have allowed myself to get ensnared in it.
So this state of detachment I mentioned - how does one reach it, especially when in the grip of a strong emotion such as anger? Well, it's essentially a meditative state, so those who meditate or practice ritual are familiar with it and how to get into it. Breathing exercises like the 4-fold breath or simply conscious deep breaths are probably the most common techniques apart from usual set-and-setting type stuff where we use such handy props as incense, candles, and the donning of certain magical robes or regalia. Problem is when we are gripped by an emotional state these simple techniques seem trivial or don't work quickly so here's a trick I have found of use.
1) Still concentrate on your breath like you would if you wanted to meditate - it makes a good distraction. Consider it like fighting a fire - if you limit its fuel supply the flames will start to get more manageable. So even tho you can't initially clear the mind fully, the distraction of keeping to a breathing exercise is an important start.
2) Work on relaxing using your favorite method. Google it - I am sure there are countless techniques so find a few you like and practice them from time to time so you know how to use them when needed. Same goes for the breathing exercises above. Develop these skills for your magical and meditation work and then you will have them in your arsenal. Again, in an emotional state this will not be easy and will seem trivial, but its distraction value alone is handy and does pay off if you don't give up on it too soon. Remember, you are fighting a fire.
3) Finally I like to use an NLP trick. I forget the terminology - I think "anchoring?" But here is the general idea. If you were to recall a time when you were experiencing a strong emotion, and make it as real as you can in your mind by focusing on all the senses - experiencing those senses internally, you will find that your mind will start to bring about that state. For example if I focus on a time when I was very nervous, like my first day of high school and recall the sites, sounds, scents, etc. and put myself back to when I was there waiting to line up for my first day of classes, I would start to feel the jitters. Likewise if I recall a time when I was in a deep meditative state or very relaxed and bring myself back to that moment, my mind will begin to shift into that state. This gets better with practice, and also when you experience a positive state you might want to start taking more conscious notice of the details to better bring about that state at another time.
Incidentally this last step is often unconsciously what you use to maintain a negative state. If you are angry and remain fixated on the situation that made you angry, reliving it over and over, or start imagining similar scenarios that have not happened but ~could~ happen (for example if you had a fight with a friend and then imagined how your friend might say or do something to really piss you off), you only fuel that fire. Remember, such realistic internal experiences are just as real in the mind, and the body will react to them in the same manner - changing its chemistry and thus your mood. Think about it - all you experiences are ultimately INTERNAL. Your body is simply your interface that pulls in various senses for the brain to process. Imagination can create the same impulses as those senses. Don't believe me? How many people get a pucker reaction when visualizing eating a lemon or get the shivers or physical goose bumps thinking about someone scratching a chalkboard with finger nails. The more you can recreate those senses in the mind, the more intense the reaction. In such cases there is no external stimulus but the body reacted just the same as if there was because the mind perceives the impulses as real.
So essentially if I intensely imagine a situation that would upset me, I will begin to feel upset. Catching and stopping such toxic internal dialogs is very important to diffusing that negativity and while the above steps may seem overly simple and perhaps trivial, you might be surprised at how handy they can be.
Well, did not mean this to become an essay, but that's how it ended up. Hope it helps!
A year or so ago I quietly released an uncorrected early proof of the book _Ethics and the Craft_ which is based on the research of my History and Evolution of Wiccan Ethics website plus an additional discourse on ethical thinking in the Craft.
