Helena Hann-Basquiat dabbles in whatever she can get her hands into just to say that she has.
She's written cookbooks, ten volumes of horrible poetry that she bound herself in leather she tanned poorly from cows she raised herself and then slaughtered because she was bored with farming.
She has an entire portfolio of macaroni art that she's never shown anyone, because she doesn't think that the general populace, or, "the great unwashed masses" as she calls them, would understand the statement she was trying to make with them.
Some people attribute her with inventing the Ampersand, but she has never made that claim herself.
She was completely self-educated in a private institute in the Catskills where she majored in Pop Culture and Unpopular Music. She wrote her doctorate thesis on the films of John Hughes, and awarded herself a doctorate, though it's not generally recognized.
She enjoys short walks on the beach and getting smashed on Grey Goose and grapefruit juice and then staring at the SUN studios logo until it looks like it's alternately setting and rising.
She was born in the small village of Bichon-Frisse near the France/Switzerland border, daughter of a part-time cello teacher and a painter -- well, her mother painted nails at the Happy Time Nail Salon -- so that's sort of painting. And that bit about her father being a part-time cello teacher, that was not so much of a lie as a typo -- it should read Jello teacher -- he taught Home Economics three days a week at the local high school, and really was only called upon for his culinary expertise in the medium of Jello.
Helena is currently working on a rock opera based on the life of Cecil B. DeMille, tentatively titled "Cecil B. Goode", or perhaps "The Ten Commandments of Love"
When Helena is not writing ironic, self-deprecating loosely autobiographical post-modern memoirs, she writes disturbingly dark fiction under the name Jessica B. Bell.