Customer Reviews

1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

5 star:		(19)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Okay, I gave this two weeks before I reviewed it just to see if the methods actually worked. They more than work. They have changed my life and my family! I am SO grateful to these authors.

I was an abused kid. It has taken years for me to be able to admit this. I wasn't spanked often. I was hit in the face. I was thrown against a wall and grabbed by the throat. This didn't happen lots mind you, it was random. I have happy memories of my dad. And terrible ones. The terror filled moments are rare. I can count them on one hand. But they are vivid. The psychological torment wasn't constant either. But it happened more often than I would like to admit.

I rediscovered the teachings of my Catholic faith about 6 years ago, and committed myself to Christ and what I believe to be his Church. (Please don't attack me here... this is just a review of a good book). My father was a liberal who had no faith, who used drugs and wrote bad poetry and didn't work as was bad tempered. My mom's Catholic faith presented many many answers to the questions I was having.

The reason I bring this up is that, like most of you may know, the Catholic Church has teachings on contraception that my wife and I took seriously as we became deeply committed Catholic Christians.

As we started having children (the logical outgrowth of Catholic marriage) I knew enough to keep a close eye on myself. I read the conservative Catholic books on the topic of discipline because I heard these authors on EWTN. People whom I still love and respect, like Steve Wood and Ray Guarendi, advocated and endorsed spanking for certain misbehaviors, as they contended that both Scripture and Tradition supported that stance. In fact, they seemed to imply, there was something wrong with those who didn't spank.

Spanking tore me up inside. I felt like puking. I cried. It brought back horrible memories. I knew enough to know that I had to get help. I got therapy.

My therapist was great... but was a conservative Catholic, like me... I wouldn't go to a guy who would look at me like I was crazy because I rejected artificial contraception. I found a good and faithful Catholic therapist. In between marathon session about my anxiety and my childhood (which were SO helpful... really.. I owe that guy my life) he tried to reassure me about spanking. "Have you read Steve Wood?" he asked... "yes... yes... of course" my answer. "You can't equate a spanking with being thrown against a wall and beaten. You are not your father." "Yes, yes... of course" was my answer. I didn't feel it though. That part about spanking is the only part of my therapy that didn't help.

Spanking wasn't working. For my oldest daughter, it worked great. I only ever spanked her once or twice in her life, and that was enough. My son (who is our middle child) was a different story. The spankings were not decreasing in frequency. It wasn't working. I was an emotional and spiritual wreck.

My youngest daughter... the third... was just plain too happy to take any discipline seriously. I am not kidding. She laughed through time outs. Laughed one minute after a spanking. Smiled and kissed us and kept doing whatever she was doing. She is the happiest kid I have ever seen... and she just didn't care about our consequences.

Our children were never out of control, were relatively well behaved, and were very respectful. Overall they were happy. But I was not. I just knew in my heart that my children were not getting the dad they deserved. The dad I never had.

I prayed about it and asked God to send me a faithful answer that would help me be a better husband and father. This is part of the prayer I pray every night. "Please Lord, help me be the father and husband you made me to be."

I found this book while browsing on my Kindle and bought it. I read it and after getting through about 10% of it thought to myself "this is garbage." I had read criticisms of "counting" before, and I was upset by the tone of the book. For the first 10% or more of the text you really don't learn anything at all. It is an anti-spanking tirade. I got through it with effort. I was open to what this book had to say. That is why I bought it. The first 10% or so is just overkill. Still, even with this weakness, the book is so life transforming that I have to give it five stars.

FINALLY, I got to the system, and I found it intriguing. I began trying it out. I sat my kids down and met with them and explained the system and said "I don't like spanking, and neither do you. I don't think it is working. It is making me unhappy and you unhappy. Mommy and Daddy are going to do something different."

I let my wife know what I was reading and said that I wanted her to try it; that I thought we should do this together. She happily agreed.

So began our journey about three weeks ago. The transformation has been amazing. The kids are listening better than before by a long shot, and my blood-pressure goes up MUCH less frequently. Emotionally, I am SO MUCH happier I can't even tell you. I feel healthy, and hole as a parent for the first time in a long time. I have been working on this for years. My oldest is now six, my youngest two (we have three). This system just plain works! It works better than spanking. My youngest is actually listening!! It is AMAZING. (Once you slog past that first 10% of the book).

My children are so happy. Just tonight we were out for our nightly walk and my oldest turned to me and said "I am so happy there are no spankings anymore. You don't yell as much either." She said this matter of factly. I was so happy I nearly cried. It is working. Therapy, this book, and constant effort and prayer are paying off.

Please... buy this book. I will never be one of those extremists who equates spanking with child abuse. That is offensive. I know what first hand child abuse really is. If all I ever had to endure as a kid was an occasional spanking I would be grateful beyond measure. Dr. Ray Guarendi and Steve Wood and Dr. Dobson all make great points. Please.... I am not an extremist. Go see the reviews of these authors books and you will find anti-spanking extremists who never read their work giving them one star reviews. It is terrible. Spanking is NOT child abuse.

But this system works way better for me and my family. For my family it has been life transforming. Because of my family background, it has given me my life back.

In closing I thank God for professional psychologists who have a deep and abiding faith in God, like the author of this book, and my therapist, and so many others who seek to make sure that the Body of Christ is whole mentally and spiritually. What a gift, and what a vocation.

I AM saying that this system WORKS, and for me, it has given me my life back. With my background, spanking was destroying me. This book allows me to retain my parental authority without raking me with guilt and pain.

That is worth five stars any day.

Addenda (1/23/10):

I wanted to add this addenda now that I have been living with this system for some time. I recently read The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right and I learned something of use when implementing 123 magic.

I suggest coming up with a simple "discipline checklist" based on this system. Print it out and post it in the parts of your house where you most often interact with the kids. Whenever you are faced with a behavior you need to stop, run the checklist based on 123 Magic.

This has been an essential piece of staying on track for me. Old habits die hard, and kids LOVE to test, especially when you are trying something new. They will push hard to get you back into your old habits. They are like routine sponges, getting into groves and staying there, and resisting any attempt to switch tactics. We as adults are the same way.

My advice is to create a checklist based on this system and run it. If after a week you think it needs tweaking, go back and tweak the checklist and rehang it. The key here is to have (and force yourself to use) the checklist for consistency. It also helps to reread sections of the book when your feel yourself being pulled off track.

The one problem with how the book is written is that it a) is repetitive, b) begins with a tirade that doesn't teach you much, and c) when you get to the system is not structured as logically and sequentially as I would like. It is still a five star book, but the reader can go a long way to making up for these shortcomings by creating a good checklist.

This is an incredible book and a very useful tool, especially for first time parents like myself. My daughter is not quite 2 yet and we already using some of the methods with her and it is working great! I recommend this book to all parents or anyone who works with children.

This is a fantastic and successful program. I started using it in my own house, with success, and then we started using it in the preschool where I am the director. It's simple, easy to use, and effective! I recommend it!

I bought this book nearly one year ago and have been practicing 1-2-3 magic with our 2 1/2 year old son ever since. The book is thorough and makes good common sense. My husband complained that the author seemed to be repetitive with some points, but I think multiple illustrations help drive home the ideas discussed. If you are consistent (and CALM), then 1-2-3 is highly effective.

I love this book! It has given me an effective way to discipline my children with out stressing out, with out yelling, and with out losing my cool! I am a mother of 11 and only wish I had found this book sooner. I finally feel like I am in control of my own household.

I only knew about 1-2-3 Magic because the guidance counselor at an elementary school used it for parenting workshops. I bought 1-2-3 Magic 5 weeks ago. It started to work the first day and continues to work 4.5 weeks later with my 4 year old. The technique gives parents a way to control themselves as they discipline their chilren. No talking, No emotion, Just count. Encouraging comes more naturally to me, but it was still helpful to read the author's suggestions.
I was very excited by how quickly it worked. I have read 5 Chrisitan books on how to parent/discipline your child in the last 18 months. This is the easiest to implement and therefore the most effective.

This book is a fantastic resource for Christian parents, offering valuable scripture references and easy-to-follow advice. My son's kindergarten teacher recommended the 123 Magic book and I found this option for Christian parents to be even better.

I am not all the way through the book yet, but I'm already using some of their ideas for behavior in public. So far, so good. I think I have a pretty good test child! I have yet to see long term results at home since we haven't actually started, but I think they are on to something here.

I've read the original 123 Magic for Teachers. I bought this for my daughter who has 3 kids. She's reading it now. It really works. This is an excellent book for Christian parents. I

the book that we ordered 123 magic is exactly what we needed ,actually my grand daughter is in counseling and it was recommended by the therapist ..After checking it out I found a lot of great information that is applicable to situations that we see every day. Thank you so much for being there for our family...