Customer Reviews

1-2-3 Magic : Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

5 star:		(89)
4 star:		(12)
3 star:		(9)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(18)

 

 

We had tried everything to try and show our 3 year old son who is in charge. We could'nt go to restaurants (or almost and public place for that matter) without it ending in a meltdown and being bitten, pinched and hit by our son. Even at home if he didn't get his way he would bite/hit/pinch/scream. We agreed not to spank, but found ourselves yelling often. Many days I ended up in tears. My son's preschool teacher recommeded this book. I stayed up almost all night one night reading it, and put it into action. It has changed everything! Not only does the counting method really work (I had sort of used my own counting before, but I wasn't following the "no talking no emotions" rule), but we just feel more in charge and in control, which our son seems to sense and respond to. He is much better behaved all the way around, but if he does have a meltdown it is gone right after "that's two". I can't believe what a difference this has made in my house!

I listened to the tape of this book while I commuted. In less than a week I was ready.

Within 5 minutes our son understood the new 'rules of the game'. Within 2 days we had a more sane house. Yes, really.

The discipline of the old days was 'spank your kid', and many of us reject this. The problem is that there wasn't a replacement that worked. So some parents keep spanking, some parents just yell all day. Either way, it's not a happy feeling of control.

The basics of the 1-2-3 method are simple, kid-understandable, quick-to-implement, & quick to explain. (So you can even get care-takers, teachers, cub-scout leaders in on the game - to have some consistency.) But don't kid yourself - the real value is in understanding all of it.

I don't believe I'm actually writing this but - just try it and you'll be a believer too.

I loved the audio tape especially. In the first few minutes of the tape, the initial '1-2-3 Magic' is revealed. I wanted to start that day. Then examples, tactics for multiple kids and reinforcement follow. All of it is key to recognizing your kid's techniques for handling YOU, and creating the sane environment we all wish for.

OK, life still isn't perfect, but this information goes a very long way to getting you out of the nightmare you might be in.

I've bought copies for my sister, my friends, and my church. Every time I see a screaming parent and a crying kid, (or a nasty, defiant kid), I wish I had the nerve to give them a copy.

No, I don't work for the author, but I sure would like to thank him. ;-)

Tom Phelan has indeed written a sensible, easy to read, discipline book that clearly explains his 1-2-3
Magic theory designed for parents of tots-gradeschoolers. As a veteran preschool teacher, many of the parents of my own students over the years have found success with Phelan's techniques. However, some conscientious but frustrated moms and dads admitted to me that they found themselves between a rock and a hard place as they reached '2 and 3 quarters', '2 and 7 eighth's', etc ...unable to change the behavior of their sometimes annoying, disrespectful, uncooperative kids. Not to
worry...Although your career as a magician may fall short of your goal, you are not doomed to be labeled an ineffective disciplinarian. It has been my experience, both as a parent and teacher, that there is no one single discipline approach that works every time, for every kid in every family. Although I
totally respect 'the count' in this book, I strongly encourage parents to seek out an assortment of strategies that for whatever reason might be a better fit at a particular moment, in respect to age, personalities and parenting style. If you have young kids (2's, 3's 4's,and 5's) who are literally driving
you towards your wits' end with such things as their bad words, 'I hate you's', hitting, whining, parent deafness, tantrums, lying, 'gimmes', mealtime and bedtime refusals, I suggest checking out "The Pocket Parent", a quick read A-Z guide, loaded with hundreds of fast answers and tips to try. The bullets of information (called 'sanity savers') are written
exclusively for preschool behavior and are based on a solid philosophy that maintains a real sense of concern for the needs and feelings of both children and their parents. I highly recommend both books for a variety of workable discipline options that parents (and preschooler teachers) can choose from while trying to remain sane in the process!

I HIGHLY recommend this book to any parent that is spending more time yelling and/or nagging their child than smiling at and laughing with them. This is an awesome, effective method of discipline! The premise is simple and the results are great. When the 123 method is used consistently (slips can happen), our household is a lot happier. We can concentrate on enjoying our children, rather than yelling at them. My children do have a choice with 123. Either they can behave, or they can be sent to their room. Why is this considered punishment? Well, if they wanted to be in their room they would already be there! My boys are 5 and 2. My 2 year old has a tendency to throw himself on the floor and screech. We have just started using the 123 method with him. We can count to 1 and he will kind of stop (or slow down). He hears us! Sometimes he won't stop, so he gets put in his room for 2 minutes (1 minute for each year of the child). This gives him (and us) a chance to calm down. Since my children's behavior is getting under control we as a family now have the energy to voluntarily spend quality time together, rather than eagerly awaiting being away from them. The book also describes the importance of PVF (positive verbal feedback). A child should have at least 5 positive things said to him/her each day. When a child is out of control and a home is chaotic as a result, it is difficult to remember to praise your child (at least for me). Disciplining your child, without hitting or yelling, while still retaining control, is what this book is all about. I'm glad I have my own copy as I will read it again and again.

My five-year-old son has always been a handful. His two-year-old sister is an "easy child" but is just now old enough that we need to start disciplining her. I bought this book a few days ago and began using the strategies outlined immediately. It has worked great!

The counting is simple enough for my son to understand. He is speech delayed but he understands this program perfectly. To my complete shock I have only had to say "that's three" a few times now. My daughter has gone to time-out more but I can see that she's beginning to make the connection.

I think this book is successful because it stresses that you must be consistent with your discipline and follow through every time. Your children will never wonder if you are serious or what will happen if they don't obey.

I don't think I am giving my children three chances to misbehave. "That's one" tells them to stop what they are doing. Sometimes I will add a simple explanation if they're not sure what they're supposed to stop. "That's two" may come only a few seconds later and gives them a chance to decide to behave. Then I say "That's three - go to timeout". So really it's instruction-warning-punishment, not instruction-warning-warning-warning-punishment.

Obviously there are more serious issues that you don't want to give any chances for, like hitting a sibling. The book suggests you jump straight to time-out at that point. There are also suggestions for punishments other than time-out for older children.

Positive parenting fans will recognize a lot of familiar concepts like reflective listening, natural consequences, and family meetings.

This book is a very quick read and even those who normally hate reading will be able to get through it easily.

This really works! I was skeptical at first but after watching the video with the family and starting the progam right away..I thought "This can't be true", it's so easy. The school counselor referred me to this and I just had to get the book. My 5 year old son whom attends kindergarten was in time out just about everyday. I would get phone calls to my office of his misbehavior. We had tried the talking, yelling and the spanking. It would only work for the following school day. Nothing seemed to work, it didn't matter if we took his toys aways. I was begining to think I had failed at being a parent. Now I know that that is not the case. The phone calls from school had come to a complete stop and in the last 2 weeks of school since starting this program, my son got 8 stars on his chart!! I love it!

Of all things, my son enjoys this 1-2-3 Magic. He pretty much stops at "1" and at times he will go to "2". Overall, it's like a game, before I count him, I ask him if I have to count him and he stops at that. The atmosphere in our home has changes alot. It's more like the happy family atmosphere you see on TV. I love every minute of it.

I would recommend this book to anyone with children. I hear myself whispering "that's 1" to kids I see while shopping. I know it sounds to easy, well it is. You just have to try it!

Tom Phelan presented a discipline program recently to my school district and he entertained and enlighted 300 parents of children of all ages. He was fabulous! He gave us many specific examples of what are kids do and say and what we can do differently to change their behavior. He addressed discipline regarding 2 types of behaviors... "Stop" behavior (like bad words, hitting, whining and disrespectful attitude)and "Start" behavior ( like getting the kids to do their homework, chores, clean up, use manners etc.) He emphasized that "the Magic" it is not so much the counting of...1, 2, 3 but rather how you choose to say it...in a calm yet athoritative manner so that the child knows the parent means business. He also talked about the importance of discussion outside the heat of the moment with the child either in a one-on-one discussion or a family meeting. Our 2-way communication with our children now involves more listening to one another and less lecturing. I realized that I had been doing the count all wrong expecting the magic to happen...threatening and screaming the numbers at the top of my lungs finding myself reaching 2 and 3/4...2 and 7/8 and feeling my kids were in total control and that I was a failure with the technique that was working so well for my neighbor. Listening to Dr. Phelan and reading his book taught me how to use this method correctly and to my surprise it is actually now working with my 6 and 8 year old. I have also found many other positive discipline strategies that work well on my 3 year old in another book called "The Pocket Parent", an A-Z parenting guide chock full of hundreds of suggestions of handling many challenging behaviors of 2-5 year olds. Both books are very compatible in philosophy and are worthy additions to your home library.

This book was recommended by a friend who knew that I was struggling with my daughter. I'm a single father of a (as of 10.10.02) five-year-old daughter. I have her everyday from after school, 3:30 to 6:30, and all day Sunday, and she still lives with her mom. I was raised with a smack first mentality and her mother believes in spanking, too. I decided early on that I wouldn't do that as it did nothing to improve my unruly behavior. Having said that, I was very skeptical of this book but with the great reviews here at Amazon, I gave it a shot. After reading about half of the book, I told my daughter I was reading a book about how we could better handle behavior issues. She abhors me yelling, despite causing the need for it. The book says that at that age, initially they might not understand the 1-2-3 explanation, but THE VERY SAME DAY, she understood. It worked for everything from leaving the park earlier than she wanted, to not listening at the house, in other words, everything. In fact, if I immediately got mad (this is addressed also at the end of the book under the backtracking chapter), she would say, "Hey, you didn't even count." Now, I have only had to use this a couple of times with my "old school" parents around, whom I know would prefer the spanking method, but the book does recommend strategies for dealing with skeptical loved ones, other parents, or friends. Finally, the second portion of the book addresses the "start behavior" such as cleaning rooms, homework, etc. While my daughter doesn't have as much to do as an older child, it has been very effective in dealing with these issues, too. In a nutshell, I was a divorced, clueless, single parent who grew up virtually isolated from other kids, so I was very eager for advice, and quite simply this book provided it. I can't imagine anyone not enjoying this book and it's recommended age range of 2-12 seems quite reasonable. I hope you find it as useful as I did.

I feel this book made a huge difference in our lives. We rarely yell, or even get mad anymore. In fact that's one of the best aspects, that it let us know that we don't *have* to get mad. The kiddo is much better behaved.

I would also like to respond to the reader that quoted Phelan's statement "there may be a time when spanking is appropriate." That was taken very out of context, and the point the author was trying to make was missed. He very clearly counsels against spanking, and feels there are better ways of handling discipline. He was only referring to the parents who insist that spanking is something they intend to use. His other quote on the topic of spanking was that "95% of the time, spanking is a parental temper tantrum." He also DOES counsel talking to kids, just not while they are being punished.

We gave a copy of the book to my stepson's day care--it was *that* effective.

This book may work for some children, but it's main fault, like so many other discipline books, is that it doesn't address what to do, when the method doesn't work. If the child doesn't stay in time out, what do you do? Lock them in their room. I'm not comfortable with that. The book suggests in that case, the family should consider counselling, which means that we look at the need of the child which is behind the misbehaviour. I could have done that from the beginning. I would recommend a book such as Parent Effectiveness Training that does address "what if the method doesn't work". Kids misbehave for a reason - usually a need that is not being met, and kids are not the best at asking for their needs to be met directly, so they choose annoying indirect ways that we label as misbehaviour. This book addresses the symptoms, not the underlying cause.