32 of 33 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Good Book!, March 15, 2004
This review is from: 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It (Paperback)
This book shows you how to improve your relationships. Even if you currently have a great relationship-you can still learn a thing or two from this neat little book on how to make it an even better relationship. Easy read. Highly recommended.
Zev Saftlas, Author of Motivation That Works: How to Get Motivated and Stay Motivated
PS here is a sample (Secret number 1)
The Mundane Is Heroic
Some tasks we think of as difficult and their achievement noteworthy. Others we think of as boring and their achievement insignificant. Of course, the tasks that are noteworthy are often built on a foundation of the mundane. Firefighters study lifesaving techniques and firefighting protocols for years on end, and then one day they are called on to use their skills and knowledge to save a building and the people in it. Without the years of mundane commitment, there would be no moment of great achievement. We recognize that having a long-standing healthy relationship is an achievement. If you are married long enough, the local newspaper will take your picture and write up your story. But that achievement is built on a nearly infinite series of actions, including a daily, hourly, moment-to-moment commitment to each other. It is certainly not always easy, and the rewards are not always immediately apparent, but sacrificing your immediate preferences and being committed to sharing, caring, and listening are mundane but heroic steps toward your lifetime relationship goal.
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Even before they dated, Kathy and William began working out together. Later, after they married, their interest and success in running led them to set a goal of running together in the Boston Marathon. After training for three years together working toward that goal, Kathy's best time qualified her for the race and William's did not.
William could have reacted in a variety of ways, all of them perfectly normal, given human nature. He could have wallowed in self-pity, dragging both himself and his wife down and making her feel somehow guilty for his exclusion. He could have asked Kathy to wait until they could run together. He could have resented his wife's ability to achieve and tried to sabotage her.
"A big part of me wished I was out there running the marathon, of course," admitted William. "So what did I do on race day? I went out to five or six locations and cheered her on." William chose to encourage rather than discourage. "I lived vicariously through her. Her success is my success."
William says that in working out together, as in life together, jealousy, envy, and other unpleasant emotions can visit relationships, but the most important thing to remember is that "we're a team every day -- race day, too. We have to be able to give each other the freedom to be able to develop our own talents. To not stand in each other's way, but to stand with each other, helping if we can, watching if we can't."
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The ability to maintain open, healthy communication in a relationship is associated with strong levels of such highly regarded personal qualities as self-restraint, courage, generosity, commitment to justice, and good judgment. --Fowers 2001
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Just What I Needed!, January 29, 2003
This review is from: 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It (Paperback)
A friend of mine gave me this book because she knew that my husband and I were going through a hard time, and it was one of the best gifts I've ever gotten! All the information about real people who have problems but make things work was really encouraging, and the advice made me feel like there was something I could *do* to improve things. I totally recommend this book!
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Feeling a little better, January 29, 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It (Paperback)
I am not normally interested in self-help books, and I generally don't believe in gimmicky solutions, but I bought this book after flipping through it at Border's. There's something about the advice that seems really simple and believable. I'm sick of being told that there's someone out there for me, you have to kiss a lot of frogs, yada yada, but the studies and statistics that the author shares made me feel a little more comfortable about the idea of being single, and more confident about the prospect of eventually meeting someone. Definitely worth buying.
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