100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It [Paperback]

David Niven (Author)

Book Description

Series: 100 Simple Secrets | Publication Date: November 7, 2006

What are the essential qualities of a great relationship? What do people in healthy and happy relationships do differently? Scientists and academics have spent entire careers investigating the nature of relationships, dating, and marriage, yet their findings are inaccessible to ordinary people, hidden in obscure journals read only by other academics. Now the bestselling author of the 100 Simple Secrets series has collected the most current and significant data from more than a thousand studies on relationships and spells out the key findings in plain English. The advice is not based on one person's unique experiences or opinions, but offers for the first time the research of noted scientists studying the lives and loves of average Americans. Each of the findings is accompanied by a true story that shows the results in action.

• Love is hard to calculate: Researchers have proven that a partner's age, income, education, and religion are unrelated factors in the likelihood of relationship satisfaction.
• Always trying to win can lead to a major loss: People who feel a sense of competition with their partner are 37 percent less likely to feel that their relationship is satisfying.
• leave the past in the past: More than 40 percent of people report that jealousy over a previous relationship is a source of conflict in their current relationship.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Like a good Irish sermon, each of these 100 secrets is meaningful, satisfying, and quickly delivered.” (Library Journal )

“How does one find happiness, that elusive emotion? Social scientist David Niven has helped unlock the mystery.” (Columbus Dispatch )

About the Author

David Niven, Ph.D., bestselling author of the 100 Simple Secrets series, is a psychologist and social scientist who teaches at Ohio State University.

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David Niven, Ph.D., es el autor de los bestsellers internacionales Los 100 Secretos de la Gente Exitosa, y Los 100 Secretos de las Buenas Relaciones. Es psicólogo y científico social, y enseña en la Florida Atlantic University.

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: HarperOne (November 7, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0061157902
• ISBN-13: 978-0061157905
• Product Dimensions: 6.3 x 5.5 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #401,095 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

32 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Good Book!, March 15, 2004

By 

Zev Saftlas "Founder and Host of EmpoweringMe... (Brooklyn, NY United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It (Paperback)

This book shows you how to improve your relationships. Even if you currently have a great relationship-you can still learn a thing or two from this neat little book on how to make it an even better relationship. Easy read. Highly recommended.

Zev Saftlas, Author of Motivation That Works: How to Get Motivated and Stay Motivated

PS here is a sample (Secret number 1)

The Mundane Is Heroic

Some tasks we think of as difficult and their achievement noteworthy. Others we think of as boring and their achievement insignificant. Of course, the tasks that are noteworthy are often built on a foundation of the mundane. Firefighters study lifesaving techniques and firefighting protocols for years on end, and then one day they are called on to use their skills and knowledge to save a building and the people in it. Without the years of mundane commitment, there would be no moment of great achievement. We recognize that having a long-standing healthy relationship is an achievement. If you are married long enough, the local newspaper will take your picture and write up your story. But that achievement is built on a nearly infinite series of actions, including a daily, hourly, moment-to-moment commitment to each other. It is certainly not always easy, and the rewards are not always immediately apparent, but sacrificing your immediate preferences and being committed to sharing, caring, and listening are mundane but heroic steps toward your lifetime relationship goal.

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Even before they dated, Kathy and William began working out together. Later, after they married, their interest and success in running led them to set a goal of running together in the Boston Marathon. After training for three years together working toward that goal, Kathy's best time qualified her for the race and William's did not.

William could have reacted in a variety of ways, all of them perfectly normal, given human nature. He could have wallowed in self-pity, dragging both himself and his wife down and making her feel somehow guilty for his exclusion. He could have asked Kathy to wait until they could run together. He could have resented his wife's ability to achieve and tried to sabotage her.

"A big part of me wished I was out there running the marathon, of course," admitted William. "So what did I do on race day? I went out to five or six locations and cheered her on." William chose to encourage rather than discourage. "I lived vicariously through her. Her success is my success."

William says that in working out together, as in life together, jealousy, envy, and other unpleasant emotions can visit relationships, but the most important thing to remember is that "we're a team every day -- race day, too. We have to be able to give each other the freedom to be able to develop our own talents. To not stand in each other's way, but to stand with each other, helping if we can, watching if we can't."

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The ability to maintain open, healthy communication in a relationship is associated with strong levels of such highly regarded personal qualities as self-restraint, courage, generosity, commitment to justice, and good judgment. --Fowers 2001

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Just What I Needed!, January 29, 2003

By 

Liz Mai (El Cerrito, CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It (Paperback)

A friend of mine gave me this book because she knew that my husband and I were going through a hard time, and it was one of the best gifts I've ever gotten! All the information about real people who have problems but make things work was really encouraging, and the advice made me feel like there was something I could *do* to improve things. I totally recommend this book!

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Feeling a little better, January 29, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It (Paperback)

I am not normally interested in self-help books, and I generally don't believe in gimmicky solutions, but I bought this book after flipping through it at Border's. There's something about the advice that seems really simple and believable. I'm sick of being told that there's someone out there for me, you have to kiss a lot of frogs, yada yada, but the studies and statistics that the author shares made me feel a little more comfortable about the idea of being single, and more confident about the prospect of eventually meeting someone. Definitely worth buying.