Customer Reviews

101 Lies Men Tell Women

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1 star:		(15)

 

 

I stumbled accross this book whilst browsing Amazon.com for other titles. The title naturally aroused my curiosity, having immediately struck an all too familiar chord. What surprised me was that the reviews this book had already received were not that promising. Undaunted, I decided to give it a go.

I could not put this book down!

Having experienced the relationship that is littered with a catalogue of lies, fibs, not-tells and truth-bending, like so many females I just wanted to understand why it happened and how could I try and prevent it from re-occurring. My approach to buying this book was therefore coloured by past experience. However, in reading it, despite its obviously American slant which can be offputting for the English at times, I found it genuinely enlightening. It holds a nub of truth for just about every woman in the world.

'101 Lies...' has also been an amusing conversation starter. People who haven't read it naturally fall into two categories - those that immediately treat it as a bit of a spoof and those whose personal experiences arouse their immediate curiosity - and want to talk about it. Only on reading it will you appreciate what this book is about.

'101 Lies...', as its author declares, is a defence manual intended for women against a barrage of male falsehoods with which we get bombarded daily. But to regard the subject in isolation would be a mistake and this book is more than that. It's an insight into the male AND female mind that can help BOTH sexes understand each other better. As it repeatedly points out: women can lie too and do, although differently than our male counterparts. What this book is not is an arch feminist male-bashing piece about the hazzards of encountering the opposite sex. There are many ways women can help themselves to understand and positively appreciate the men around them. Reading mens' magazines is one example. This book is another.

Although I've read this book years ago, I was drawn towards this book, last night, just to review my notes in the margins, because a man whom I've only went out with 3 times, went out of his way to evade answering my questions.

Every woman should read this book, more than once, because we are conditioned to choke off the truth, when we are starting to date someone new. We want to be nice, and that's good.

But it isn't good if we are nice to someone else, at the expense of our own worthiness.

Men are socialized to lie to avoid their fear of women's anger, because it brings up insecurities in many men, who have spent their lives running away from their emotions.

Because I read this book several times, and because I have written notes in the margins, I am empowered to choose what I want.

For example, if a man say's, "Oh, it wasn't that," he is evading your subject, and his feelings.

And here are 4 reasons why:
1. He wants his thoughts, feelings, and actions to be inaccessible to you.
2. He wants to build upon your good faith and acquiescence.
3. He intends to do what he wants to do, without your knowledge.
4. He has no desire to be accountable to you.

Now, if you turn these reasons around, asking yourself what the long-term affect this would be upon your life, you will notice that you will question your sanity, if you don't confront his dishonesty, and appreciate the persistent rumbling in your gut.

You would also leave it up to him to give you permission to be who you are.

Many women look the other way, because to directly look at these lies, would also lead to confronting some mis-truths that women are socialized and bound by.

But, again, the long term affect is terrible.

So, any woman reading this review, please read this book, and choose to do as I do, let go of any man who desperately needs to run away from himself. Your life is too precious to be his dumping ground.

As a currently, and very happily, married woman, I found this book quite helpful. Does it have a slant? Well of course it does. Writing a book about the top 101 lies women tell to men would be another whole book, and it's a book I'd like to see if it was written in the same manner. However, this book had a specific, clearly stated purpose, and it held to that purpose. In addition, because of the scope the book covered in depth, it helped me explain what I thought about some of my mate's behaviour in concrete terms, when before I had only fuzzy impressions of why his shutting me out so he could "be responsible" hurt. The author does not hate men, she hates lying in general and the hurt lying causes specifically. Reading through it can help head off serious problems before they start, and ending the relationship is not always the recommended course the author suggests. Many times, honesty about the problem and what is going on is enough, and this book provides good, solid methods for beginning that conversation.

And as for the idea that people, men and women alike, don't lie about STD's, ha. I am a pharmacy technician, and I can't tell you how many patients I've had who got an STD from an unfaithful and dishonest lover. There is a gentleman of my acquaintance who is currently dying of AIDS because his lover neglected to mention an HIV positive test for over a year. Even one out of twenty lovers who lie about this is enough to kill you. Don't take the chance.

In the first pages of the book the author lists the 101 lies she discovered. As a man who earnestly tries to be both open and honest, I was surprised by the number of "lies" I'd been party to. This became a good starting point for a frank discussion between my wife and me.

The book is filled with stories and detailed interpretations of how lying by men to women works. It is not driven by "hate" of men, as "A Reader" suggests, but by the desire to reveal and understand. The men emerge (almost) as much as victims of their lies as the women.

I read this book twice, once in 1995, and in 1997, then recently reviewed all of the notes that I had made, during each reading. I have truly traveled a long distance, in how I see myself, as a woman, as a result of this book. I am breaking free from worrying about getting angry, his reactions to my anger, and what he might or could do. Reading this book, has contributed to my liking myself more, and to my healing my mother/daugther wounds, where I learned to put up with his lies, in the first place. Every man I see, now that I have read this book, becomes someone who I am more apt to use direct eye contact, as I positively talk my spirit into staying the course of what matters to me. I am eternally grateful for such a book.

I cannot believe some of these lies that men have admitted to. I could hardly put this book down. Learn how to spot a liar and get the truth out of him! What woman hasn't been lied to? Yes, Dory seems a bit wary of the opposite sex, but a lot of women are after being lied to so often. Protect your heart and learn when you're being lied to.

This book arms and empowers women with important tools for dealing with every kind of male denial. I was impressed with the in-depth nature of this book. It will relieve you to know that your instincts are right about his guilt when a man sounds paranoid, accuses your desire for closeness as an invasion of privacy, and ultimately distances himself from you in the end because he says you don't trust him, etc. etc. And you will be a stronger, more confident, and wiser woman for it.

Dolly Hollander, Ph.D., has done us all a great service by delivering the deep insight and principled fairness that inform this book. 101 Lies Men Tell Women tells us something we all need to know, and constantly remember, about men: they are deceitful, unreliable and intrinsically malicious. Dr. Hollander is to be commended for pointing this out in language that is sure to inspire, enthrall and enlighten. I cannot say enough good things about this book. It is simply brilliant. As a man myself, I can confirm that men lie constantly. We can't help it. It's our nature. If you doubt it for even a second, reread this review!

Reading 101 Lies Men Tell Women is like having a psychiatrist, a good friend, and your mother all at your side, looking out for what's best for you. Read it and you may save yourself from all sorts of heartache and grief. The book is warm, friendly, wise, and in a very accessible way--scholarly. It's a triumph. And as for the guys who in their reviews said that they think Hollander must be a man-hater, well, I think they must be nutbergers! She obviously loves men and wishes the human race well.