101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged [Paperback]

H. Norman Wright (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 1, 2004

The Perfect Remedy for Cold Feet!

More than half of all couples who become engaged this year will never make it to the altar. Why? Leading experts believe it's because couples fail to really get to know their potential mate before getting engaged. Relationship expert and noted couples counselor Norm Wright steers potential brides and grooms through a series of soul-searching questions to discern if they've really met "the One."

Couples will be much more confident about whether or not to pursue marriage after completing these in-depth and personal questions. Norm also addresses the delicate subject of calling off the wedding if readers discover that a potential mate isn't actually meant to be a life partner.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

H. Norman Wright is a well-respected Christian counselor who has helped thousands of people improve their relationships and deal with grief, tragedy, and other concerns. He helps couples bring vibrancy to their relationships through counseling, seminars, and more than 90 books, including Before You Say “I Do” and After You Say “I Do.” Norm also reveals insights for spiritual growth, great relationships, and success in devotionals that include Strong to the Core, Quiet Times for Every Parent, and Truly Devoted: What Dogs Teach Us About Life, Love, and Loyalty. Norm and his wife, Tess, enjoy their children, grandchildren, various pets, and fishing. www.hnormanwright.com

Product Details

• Paperback: 144 pages
• Publisher: Harvest House Publishers (June 1, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0736913947
• ISBN-13: 978-0736913942
• Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.3 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (81 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #6,707 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #14 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Sociology > Marriage & Family
  • #15 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Mate Seeking
  • #84 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Marriage

More About the Author

H. Norman Wright is a licensed Marriage, Family and Child Therapist and he has taught in the Grad Department of Biola University. He was former director of the Graduate Department of Marriage, Family and Child Counseling at Biola University, as well as an Associate Professor of Psychology. He was also Associate Professor of Christian Education and Director of the Graduate Department of Christian Education at the Talbot School of Theology. At the present time he is Research Professor of Christian Education at this same institution. He was in private practice for over thirty years.
Dr. Wright is a graduate of Westmont College, Fuller Theological Seminary (M.R.E.), Pepperdine University (M.A.). He has received two honorary doctorates, D.D. and D.LIT, from the Western Conservative Baptist Seminary and Biola University respectively.
He is the author of over seventy books including Experiencing Grief, The New Guide to Crisis and Trauma Counseling, Recovering From the Losses of Life, Quiet Times for Couples, and Before You Say I Do. Dr. Wright has pioneered Premarital Counseling programs throughout the country. He conducts seminars on Parenting, Recovering from the Losses of Life, Trauma and Crisis Counseling, and Marriage Enrichment.
His current focus is in grief and trauma counseling and critical incident debriefings. Part of his work is developing curriculum in loss, crisis and trauma as well as community wide Grief Recovery seminars. He is a Certified Trauma Specialist and a Certified Traumatologist.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

136 of 138 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Good questions--Introduction is a little uneven March 6, 2009

By AvidReader

Format:Paperback

Many of the questions in this book are excellent tools for getting to know your significant other better, as you are contemplating marriage to that person.

The introduction, however, is basically a list of reasons not to get married, with little balance on the other end. For instance, the author quotes Rachel Safier, who wrote a book about women who called off their weddings(There Goes the Bride: Making Up Your Mind, Calling it Off and Moving On ). Safier's book is really popular with women who want confirmation that they did or are doing the right thing in dissolving their relationships; it's pretty one-sided in that way, as are many relationship books. But for people who have a fear of commitment due to family history or other causes, all this does (and all Safier's book does) is provide them with additional reasons to avoid marriage and commitment. Basically, the idea is if you don't feel absolutely certain, then you should dissolve the relationship. He even says something to effect of, if I haven't scared you away by now, then congratulations! Maybe this is because so many couples get engaged when they are still newly infatuated with each other, and not as worried about or simply blinded to the other person's character, background, lifestyle, personality, habits, etc.

Ironically, the author even addresses the fact that some readers may be afraid of commitment later in the book, and he suggests that answering some of the questions may prove helpful in diminishing those fears. But, he should have addressed when he mentioned the reasons to not move forward. It's called balance.

Are there red flags in relationships? Absolutely. He discusses abuse and other potential warning signs that one should look out for. I find his commentary -- apart from that in the introduction-- allows for unique differences between couples/individuals. But occasionally, he writes in a way that suggests that there is only one right way to do something --praying together--for instance. That sort of thing could potentially lead someone to hold his/her partner up to an unfair/unrealistic or rigid standard.

I think that Oliver should save the red flag discussion until the end of the book, so that couples can think about what they've learned through these questions and weigh them against the warning signs. And while he's writing about reasons not to get married, he should also write about when a couple should be considering marriage, about what a healthy relationship looks like, the qualities of a good marriage, and some of the questions/doubts/fears that some experience when contemplating such a big step. Above all, he should encourage couples to go for premarital counseling to address their individual situation instead of hoping to find all of the answers in a book written for large audience.

46 of 46 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars The best relationship book ever! November 5, 2006

By Michael Rebholz

Format:Paperback

My wife and I used this book while we were dating. This book was so pivitol in our relationship. This has laid a foundation in our relationship for communication. We have gone through all kinds of trials since, and yet the communication skills were laid early and has allowed us to come through those trials. This is a must use resource for any dating couple who is considering the next step.

24 of 25 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A good conversation. March 10, 2006

By M. Rotondi

Format:Paperback

This book has some great questions that you might not think to ask. It makes for good conversation and even offers some "advice" after some questions... "Red flags" if you will.

I just completed a pre-marital class and I let everyone know about this book.