Customer Reviews

101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged

5 star:		(30)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(11)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

Many of the questions in this book are excellent tools for getting to know your significant other better, as you are contemplating marriage to that person.

The introduction, however, is basically a list of reasons not to get married, with little balance on the other end. For instance, the author quotes Rachel Safier, who wrote a book about women who called off their weddings(There Goes the Bride: Making Up Your Mind, Calling it Off and Moving On ). Safier's book is really popular with women who want confirmation that they did or are doing the right thing in dissolving their relationships; it's pretty one-sided in that way, as are many relationship books. But for people who have a fear of commitment due to family history or other causes, all this does (and all Safier's book does) is provide them with additional reasons to avoid marriage and commitment. Basically, the idea is if you don't feel absolutely certain, then you should dissolve the relationship. He even says something to effect of, if I haven't scared you away by now, then congratulations! Maybe this is because so many couples get engaged when they are still newly infatuated with each other, and not as worried about or simply blinded to the other person's character, background, lifestyle, personality, habits, etc.

Ironically, the author even addresses the fact that some readers may be afraid of commitment later in the book, and he suggests that answering some of the questions may prove helpful in diminishing those fears. But, he should have addressed when he mentioned the reasons to not move forward. It's called balance.

Are there red flags in relationships? Absolutely. He discusses abuse and other potential warning signs that one should look out for. I find his commentary -- apart from that in the introduction-- allows for unique differences between couples/individuals. But occasionally, he writes in a way that suggests that there is only one right way to do something --praying together--for instance. That sort of thing could potentially lead someone to hold his/her partner up to an unfair/unrealistic or rigid standard.

I think that Oliver should save the red flag discussion until the end of the book, so that couples can think about what they've learned through these questions and weigh them against the warning signs. And while he's writing about reasons not to get married, he should also write about when a couple should be considering marriage, about what a healthy relationship looks like, the qualities of a good marriage, and some of the questions/doubts/fears that some experience when contemplating such a big step. Above all, he should encourage couples to go for premarital counseling to address their individual situation instead of hoping to find all of the answers in a book written for large audience.

My wife and I used this book while we were dating. This book was so pivitol in our relationship. This has laid a foundation in our relationship for communication. We have gone through all kinds of trials since, and yet the communication skills were laid early and has allowed us to come through those trials. This is a must use resource for any dating couple who is considering the next step.

This book has some great questions that you might not think to ask. It makes for good conversation and even offers some "advice" after some questions... "Red flags" if you will.

I just completed a pre-marital class and I let everyone know about this book.

Know all those questions that lurk around in the back of your mind? The ones you would like to know your partners thoughts on but you don't want to be the one to ask the question... Get the book - read it together! :) What better way to spend quality time?! What better way to approach those tricky questions? All these topics will come up in a relationship at some point, so why not share them together now and be prepared for the day when they do happen?! Protect your marriage, be prepared for the unexpected...be ready to walk hand-in-hand forever thru any situation.

This book was a wonderful eye-opener and was so much fun for my fiance and I to read together. I would recommend this book for dating and engaged couples. It was fun for a date night and when you really want to get to know each other better and to grow together in Christian love!!

In my opinion, this book is fabulous. It has allowed my boyfriend and I to discuss some really important topics that may have never just "come up" in daily conversations. I appreciate the comments at the end of each question. They are helpful and add depth to the discussions. It is definitely not a "feel good" relationship book. Instead it is for serious couples that are ready to delve into serious topics such as family history, finances, pornography, children, and past relationships to just name a few.

After reading the first few pages using Amazon's "Look Inside" feature, I was fairly interested to read this book--as my impression was that it would offer useful objective insight and advice. I was pretty disappointed.

My biggest complaint is that once the question section started, at least 2/3 of each page is BLANK. The format is that the question is at the top of the page, and there's a small paragraph of advice at the bottom--which being only a few sentences is usually fairly thin.

Though the introductory section makes no mention of Christ, Jesus, spiritual journeys, etc, as some other reviewers mention the Christian influences run pretty heavy in the questions. To some degree those questions can be skipped if they're not your bag, however I felt the judgemental-ness undermined the author's credibility somewhat for me.

I appreciate that the back cover does mention being Christian-based and I understand the motivation of providing room to write, but I had hoped the introduction would be a better representation of the book as a whole. In this case it seems like the opportunity to "look inside" was far more misleading than helpful.

If you're somewhat or very Christian and looking for bare bones questions and a terse judgement of what your partner should be answering, this book is for you. If you want more analytical analysis, thorough insight, and real-life examples, you'll probably be disappointed as I was.

I recommend this for any christian couple, no matter where they are in their dating/courting relationship. It raised some excellent questions for my girlfriend and me that we probably wouldn't have thought to ask otherwise, and it was a very healthy thing for our relationship. If you're honest and willing to have open eyes with your partner, these questions can reveal some very important details about your significant other that you may not have otherwise noticed, and if nothing else, it can help you two to prepare for the idea of getting engaged. I highly recommend it!

Not a difficult read at all. Some of the questions were common sense and yet others very thought-provoking. A very good book not just for christians but anyone contemplating getting married. Who is going to do the finances? Who is going to wash the dishes? How many children do you want? What is your biggest fear of marriage? I wouldn't have ever thought to ask some of the questions in this book, very helpful.

This book was interesting but I felt that I was not the target audience. The writer focused on an older demographic. A lot of questions were for people who have lots of experience or who are already divorced and marrying again. I'm in my twenties so I was focusing on knowing who is right the first time around. Regardless, there were a few questions that I hadn't considered asking my boyfriend, and so it did start some open conversations. But overall, I don't think I would have bought this again if I had browsed through the content at the store.