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16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Leonard Sweet on Relationships, May 29, 2008
This review is from: 11: Indispensable Relationships You Can't Be Without (Hardcover)
"A book is a hand stretched forth in the dark passage of life to see if there is another hand to meet if." Leonard Sweet offers this Harriet Beecher Stowe metaphor for why authors write in his Acknowledgments for 11: Indispensable Relationships You Can't Be Without and if you haven't reached out your hand to pick up this book, you are missing out on and indispensable book for life's journey. In 11, Sweet proposes that "the real meaning of life is not a journey question or an arrival question. It's a relationship question." Sweet offers relationship advice as a seasoned sojourner who has experienced some of the best and the worst in the realm of relationships. While 11 may not be nearly as controversial as some of Sweet's earlier writings, it is seasoned with Sweet-ness borne out of his years of scholarly, futurist and prophetic emerging culture work.
Undeniably, I prefer to hear rather than read Sweet, and the first couple of chapters tasted like crumbs from the table to me, but a veritable feast is eventually served up and the book finishes with the crème de la crème - a chapter on relationship with "The Invisible 12th" - the Holy Spirit. While Sweet talks about friendship with God as the conclusion to his treatise on relationships, he does not minimize or equate this unique relationship with the other indispensable relationships he discusses. Sweet cautions, "God gives us closeness and intimacy with Christ, but do not mistake the near for the casual. Our relationship in the Holy Spirit is not one of equals, though it is one of lovers."
While 11 can be read alone, as I did, it is best suited for reading within the context of relationship. Each chapter offers "Interactives" - thought provoking questions and discussion topics designed for the reader to interact with the text as well as with others. If you are like me and probably a few others who wonder whether we even have 11 friends who could somehow fit into one of Sweet's categories of indispensable relationships, you will be pleasantly surprised as you read each chapter and put at least one name and one face to each of the 11. In classic Sweet fashion, he attempts to coin a new word: Withnesses. No, not WITnesses, but WITHnesses. "Withnesses is my shorthand for 'indispensable relationships,'" Sweet says in his introduction. He goes on to posit, "Each of the 11 Withnesses presented in this book is a biblical character made into a metaphor that constitutes God's Indispensable Dream Team for you. Your success or failure in life is shaped to a significant degree by the success or failure of these 11.
While this book clearly details the benefits of the 11 types of relationships, personal experience bears witness that none of our lives fit neatly into some categorical formula, even on a metaphorical level. While many of us may dream of having a "Dream Team" to help make our dreams come true, I know far too many people who exist in quiet desperation without even a thought of reaching out a hand to grasp another hand to help them through the dark passages of life. For an outgoing people-person like myself who thrives in relationship with others, it is conceivable that I may have and be many of the 11 Withnesses, but some people are lucky to have or be only one or two and I'd hate to pronounce failure on their lives because of their lack of relationship, though I fear this may be true.
This book is a welcome breath of fresh air to remind us of the preeminence of relationships in a driven culture that is often more focused on doing than being, on accomplishments than accompaniments, on stocking up than standing with, on fighting for rights than living in love. This book will help you focus your life on what matters to God - relationships. Some of the relationship metaphors Sweet offers are:
* Who's Your Jonathan? You Need a True Friend
* Who's Your Jethro? You Need a Butt-Kicker
* Who's Your Peter/Paul? You Need a Yoda
* Who's Your Zaccheus? You Need a Reject
In "Who's Your Jonathan?" Sweet sings the same song I was singing to my kids recently in his section: Not "Best," but "True" friends. "The worst thing you can do is to play favorites with your Withnesses. God doesn't play favorites with us - we mustn't fall into the trap of relational hierarchy. Sooner or later, that game forces us to pit friend against friend - whether directly or indirectly." I'm also fond of Sweet's fair-minded ideas in "Who's Your Zaccheus?" where he says, "Jesus didn't relate to men as men and women as women, or to rejects as rejects, but to everyone he encountered as a person in need of love." If you are interested in upping your relational IQ, then this is the book for you. After reading 11, you will not only value your existing relationships more, you will be a better "Withness" to others. I hope you will not read this book in isolation as I did, but that you will read it WITH others - perhaps with a small group of two or three friends, like a "Three is Enough" group.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
11 is Sweet, April 14, 2008
This review is from: 11: Indispensable Relationships You Can't Be Without (Hardcover)
Leonard Sweet has written a wonderful book.
11 is perhaps more of a self-help book than any self-help book on the market because it's all about relationships with others.
Relationships are like investments...it's important that you diversify. Sweet highlights 11 key relationships that we all need, and the best part is that they're all rooted in Biblical stories and teachings.
I had a lot of random relationships, and they seemed like one big formless blob. After reading 11, I'm now better able to sort through them, categorize and re-direct my energies towards building relationships that truly matter.
I like Sweet because of his line..."the older I get the more complex my theology becomes...but the older I get the more simple my faith becomes." This is a complex book that is just plain simple to understand and act upon.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
In an age when people have far more friends on Facebook and MySpace than in real life, this is a book that needs to be read!, July 14, 2008
This review is from: 11: Indispensable Relationships You Can't Be Without (Hardcover)
Think about your friends. Who has your back? Who pulls you up when you're feeling down? Who are you ready to encourage? The truth is that the good life isn't about possessions but people. And your relationships are some of your most valuable treasures.
In 11 INDISPENSABLE RELATIONSHIPS YOU CAN'T BE WITHOUT! Leonard Sweet examines a series of types of people you need in your life. He even goes so far as to say that without these individuals, you'll miss out on the person you could have been --- and there's a good chance he's right!
In each chapter, Sweet examines a man or woman from the Bible who represents someone we need in our lives. So who do you need in your life? You need a "Nathan." You need a person who, like an editor, will encourage your best work but redline your unbecoming behavior and attitude. You need a person who can help you become the best possible version of you and love you for the journey. You need a "Jonathan," a true friend who will stick by you closer than a brother. Then you need a "Jethro," a person Sweet calls a "butt-kicker." You can probably think of a few of these already. They are the people who aren't afraid to challenge you and encourage you to try new things and take risks. You also need a "Timothy." Just as Timothy was a protégé of Paul, you need someone who you're mentoring and pouring your life into. Who are you investing in? Who are you raising up? Who are you passing the baton of faith onto in your life? These and other individuals are essential to your development and growth, not just as a person but as a follower of Christ.
Tightly written, focused and well-organized, the book is loaded with profound quotes and anecdotes. But the best stories tend to be Sweet's own. In one chapter, he tells of an odd-smelling woman who hugged him each day while at church. Before she died, she wanted to leave everything she had to Sweet, but he refused. He explained that the infusion of money would hurt his ministry and that she would be far better off giving to the local church. When she passed away, she gave large sums to various people --- including those she barely knew --- because she could not bring herself to give to an institution. Sweet says he did not recognize the "Lydia" God has placed in his life.
Overall, this is one of the best books I've read this year. Loaded with wonderful turns of phrase, puns and wit, the chapters are both insightful and thought-provoking. The Biblical stories and references are well-timed and well-placed, and illuminate fresh angles on familiar scriptures.
In an age when people have far more friends on Facebook and MySpace than in real life, 11 INDISPENSABLE RELATIONSHIPS YOU CAN'T BE WITHOUT! is a book that needs to be read and reread.
--- Reviewed by Margaret Oines
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