Customer Reviews

13th Child: Legend of the Jersey Devil

5 star:		(1)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(7)
1 star:		(13)

 

 

Despite the fact that it has some really good actors this film is just so BAD.
The JERSEY DEVIL monster only looks disturbing in literally the last two minutes of the film when it rises out of a pool of blood. Throughout the rest of the film it resembles a man in a bad monster suit (ripped off from the GIGER ALIEN design yet again).
This film PLODS on and the minor characters are all more entertaining and interesting than the main ones. Specifically the female investigator. She is like an unnattrative NAOMI WATTS blonde (with a really hideous personality) crossed with DANA SCULLY. So basically you have someone who you can feel no empathy with and literally can't stand.
The evil Mr. Shroud who somehow is linked to the JERSEY DEVIL through some kind of ancestral silliness walks around through the film grumbling and mumblings lines like, "Have you seen my friend Bruno?" (Bruno being his pet name for his fake looking Jersey Devil pal).
I have seen worse films but not by much.
The idea was cool and the image of the JERSEY DEVIL rising from the pool of blood is quite well done. But sitting throught the entire movie to see the ONLY good part is NOT something I could recommend to anyone else.

I know there is a hockey team in Jersey called the Devils and this movie put anything associated with the word Jersey and Devils to shame. What were the film makers doing by discrediting the infamous JD Lore by not even getting the history correct....not even close. Worse yet is that they decide to not put any effort in any aspect of trying to make a good movie out of this regardless of the history. Why i wonder? ...is it to tick off the viewers or the whole lore or what.

Maybe they purposely make this movie bad to see if the saying '..its soo bad that its good' would apply but it failed miserable as well since it needs that cheesy gore that we all love. I doubt if they are capable of doing that. It is just bad no matter how much you try to find something good about this movie. Is this even called a movie? Seems like bits and pieces of nonsense...in other words its garbage. What's up with the special effects anyways. I seen better effects watching Gumby. At least you see the monster in the end...like whoopie doo soo scary i'm gonna scream now. Give me a break...its not even worth the effort to fake being scared imo.

Do yourself a favor and mow the lawn instead....it might be more entertaining.

Briefly, the legend of The Jersey Devil is quite an interesting one, going back some 260 years. A demonic entity supposedly appears before some impending disaster to unsuspecting folk in the enchanted pine barrens area of New Jersey. Its origins stem from a mother who cursed her child by proclaiming that The Devil could take it - in consequence, a devilish child with horns, wings, tail, and cloven hooves issued from her loins and took to flight, thus beginning this urban legend. There are several other variations, including a really interesting one about its mother being a witch, and The Devil, its father. Older pIctures drawn by purported 'witnesses' describe a very Baphomet-looking creature, as well as a sort of horse-demon synthesis.

The Pine Barrens are a natural environment overgrown with wonderful foliage, swamps, and residences transcending modern civilation. Such wildly lush locations tend to breed folktales because of these seeming opposing conditions to the 'big city', thus rendering them intriguing and mysterious places, as well as the residents themselves propagating continual superstition.

In this cinematic adaptation, an investigator named "Kathryn" {Michelle Maryk} is assigned to follow up the apparent murder of a redneck hunter who just so happened to be listening to a decidedly "Coast to Coast"-sounding program on the radio, before being attacked by a red-eyed creature, apparently attracted by the carcass of a deer hooked onto his truck, which was to be the hick's dinner. Apparently, he became the main course!

Kathryn meets up with a law-enforcement acquaintance {although a more personal relationship is suggested}, subsequently finding a large black 'tooth', along with the mutilated torso of the hunter, and take it to be examined at the Coroner's office - predictably, it turns out that there is no matching DNA with the relic, but instead seems to be a composit of a goat's, bat's, and something else they cannot identify.

She eventually meets with a "Mr. Shroud" {Cliff Robertson} - a charming and enigmatic gentleman with many remarkable de-facto Satanic qualities, from his appearence, demeanor, to even his total environment. He graciously offers her a stay for the night, and over pleasant dinner conversation, reveals his agreeable misanthropy.

During the course of the investigation, Mr. Shroud's deadly 'secret' is discovered, but even through some difficulty, manages to preserve his Magical and timeless existence.

As a humorous aside, a scene wherein a bumpkin couple drive around seeking a spot to copulate, find an abandoned trailer in the woods, where they are frightened by some hillbillies, and are sent scampering back to the car, eventually being stopped by the Police in a half-naked hysteria.

In a seemingly gratuitous element of the plot, a mental patient named 'Riley' {Robert Guillaume} recounts his experience with The Jersey Devil, and holds onto a talisman to protect him and keep him alive. His eventual misbehavior lands him in solitary confinement where he eventually receives a visit from the creature, who takes his due.

On a visual basis, I did like the appearence of the Jersey Devil monster itself, very demonic with horns, wings, hooves, and Giger-like alieneque jaws.

The 13th Child is a dramatic take on the urban legend, incorperating some blood and gore similar to 'Jeepers Creepers', although there are no accounts of The Jersey Devil actually killing anyone, so astistic license was taken for this presentation. Also on the DVD, deleted scenes, previews, and a documentary of this 'Demon of the Pine Barrens".

Poor script...even worse acting. What more could you want? As you watch this crap, you will experience the feeling that you've just lost about an hour of your life and you'll never get it back. One more blonde ballsy chick (who can't even deliver these crumby lines)to save the day. One more evil guy dressed in black. One more dumb couple who have not learned that quicky sex always leads to a terrible, shocking surprise. Flash back...flash forward...the "plot" can't decide where it wants to go. And, of course, a "monster" that looks like a cross between Alien and Elsie the Cow. All this movie needed was Tor Johnson with a big stick. Come to think of it, Tor Johnson would have probably passed on this script! Watch this crapola at your own risk.

Ok, first off, if I could give this piece of [...] "movie" a ZERO star, I would. The only good thing that came out of going to see this movie is that it was my fiance and I's first date. And, our thoughts have always been, "If we can get through 'The 13th Child', we could get through anything."

Cliff Robertson should be tried under the Geneva Convention for crimes against humanity when it comes to the production of this "film." I have seen bad movies in my time, but this, by far, was the worst.

As a native of southern NJ, I was lured in by the ads for this "movie" as there is very little coverage of the Jersey Devil legend in major motion films. Well, I guess my first error was in thinking this was a major motion film. How silly of me?

I have to say, the worst part of the movie was when the lead "actress" (and I use that term VERY loosely) compared herself to "Lil' Kim." Honey, Lil' Kim's left [...] can act better than you - pasties and all.

A funny aside, my fiance (new boyfriend at the time) had gotten up to go get us some more soda in the middle of the movie and I was taunted by the other victims of this freakshow of a movie sitting behind me who stated "lucky guy, hon, you know he's not coming back, right?" The two chicks in front of us had to resort to drinking a 40oz just to dull the pain...

To anyone thinking of buying this movie, don't do it if you are expecting a real movie. If you just want to buy it to make fun of it, then buy it, but be prepared as you may be prone to angry outburst which could include smashing your DVD player and/or TV to pieces. Or you could just grab a 40 like the lovely ladies in front of us did, and a bottle of Vicodin, and be prepared to have to ease the pain.

Was it awful, yes. Was it confusing, yes. Was the acting bad, not really, the girl inspector was good, Robert Guilium was good, the Rangers were good enough. The story pretty much sucked though. The creature would have been better if never seen. I would have given the movie 3-stars if the creature where only seen in shadows. I think the problem was that the story might have been decent (in a book or comic), but was not designed to translate very well into a movie.

This movie is just one of those B-movie wonders that spring out by the dozen over the course of the year. They aren't made to really affect you in any way, but moreover are created to hopefully illuminate the careers of either some budding young actors, or rekindle those of some Hollywood has-beens! Well, 'The 13th Child' doesn't do either for either genre it's sad to say as this flick is about as scary as watching the lastest cartoon 'Scooby-Doo Mystery' and about as absorbing as watching paint dry! That said, the only bright spot of the flick is the over-acting by ex-'Soap' star Robert Guillaume! And if you blink you'll miss the beautiful Lesley-Anne Down in her 3 minute role!

Checked out the DVD the other night. Enjoyed the storyline. I was curious about this Jersey devil. The movie got me thinking about this character that roamed the Pine Barrens. Cliff Robertson, as usual,delivers a fine performance. He is a true veteran actor that won an Oscar several decades back.There are some moments that are comical and there are some scary scenes. A perfect video for the upcoming Halloween season. By the way, the story starts 3 days before October 31.

Yeah I kinda wished I researched more about this movie before renting it. The picture looked cool...sigh... Anyways. I think my complaining has already been done by you guys, but I'll add a bit more.

FLAWS(Some):

1)Monster shown at the very end with no impressive movements, nothing to make it seem more realistic.
2)There were only one nudity part in the whole movie, very disappointing. One sex scene deserves another one I'd say.
3)The actors, especially the woman (bad memory forget the name), was horrible. Why? Why would a person even compare themself to Little Kim? That was...pathetic. The woman mostly smiles and is too sure of herself, ruining the feeling they were trying to create. Mr. Shroud was too obedient and not miserious enough. The two other actors both guys, weren't scared enough, too much confident in the actors ruined the movie. Many others as well. Oh yeah one last attack, during the part where she caught the two cops fishing something out of the river, which was a decapitated torsol (I can't spell either), a real woman would immediately divert their eye in disgust, back off quickly, or throw up, etc. All I remember that she did was maybe said ew or omg. BLAH.
4)Picture casting was bad, sometimes showing the wrong person at the wrong time with the wrong expression. Other times showing the wrong scene at the wrong time.
5)They needed more nudity! Oh wait I said that already.

Ways to make it better: Better actors, a better director, more monster action, more nudity(NOT OPTIONAL). Director should know what a real person would react. Also shooting the movie, the lightning in some cases is all wrong and ruins it.

Rent this movie only if you're bored and/or curious. Remember, just because it sucks to 99% of us doesn't mean it'll suck to you, thats one thing I found out.

Uh.. yeah.

We saw this in the very limited run in the theater. Worst movie ever. There was one lovely scene where they were flying over the pine barrens and the trees were all yellow and music was playing - I enjoyed it so much because there were no characters, plot, or dialogue - which made it the best part of the movie.

Another highlight was when my brother accidently poked me in the eye, so that I couldn't see right for about ten minutes. I thanked him for weeks after.