Safely Navigating the Dating Minefield Hurt feelings, unmet expectations, dashed hopes, misplaced trust - these are just some of the potential time bombs that explode in dating relationships leaving a trail of broken hearts. Does it have to be this way? Do you have to stop dating to protect yourself and others from deep hurt? As a pastor of a large congregation and former singles pastor, author Chuck Milian has seen firsthand the broken relationships that occur when men and women don't move with proactive care in and through their dating relationships. With pastoral wisdom and insight, Milian educates readers about defining expectations before they start dating, and he outlines a specific five-step dating plan that will help limit relational damage as they look for someone to share their lives with. The author encourages, challenges, and instructs believers in this comprehensive how-to-date handbook. He gives practical advice on wisely forming relationships with the opposite sex while still having fun, avoiding unnecessary hurts, making lifelong friends, and knowing "where they are" each step of the way. Filled with personal reflections and insights, singles will take a look back at their past relational mishaps and move forward into a biblically healthy and romantically fulfilling relationship as God intended it to be. This book remedies and reduces the casualties of the current dating minefield where hearts get broken daily and sometimes never recover.
"We're Just Friends" and Other Dating Lies
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Editorial Reviews
Review
Written with clarity and refreshing honesty, this book will be your companion guide into healthy and fulfilling dating relationships. Reading it is like having a personal coach in understanding what God really meant relationships to be. It's a much-needed resource you will pull off your shelf again and again. --Paula Rinehart -- Author of Sex and the Soul of a Woman and Strong Women, Soft Hearts
Once in a great while, an author is discovered with a new work that is totally fresh, yet deeply penetrating, with the potential to radically transform an entire generation. Chuck Milian is that author, and this is that book. It's chock full of great ideas, stories, and wise counsel that, a generation from now, may well be credited with reducing the epidemically high divorce rate raging in our country and around the world. --Dr. Mark Cress -- President, Corporate Chaplains of America
Countless singles can learn to date in healthy and effective ways by putting into practice the practical and biblical solutions found in this book. This book will help singles not only survive, but also enjoy the sometimes confusing process of dating. --Russ Olman, Founder and President of Ministry Advantage
Once in a great while, an author is discovered with a new work that is totally fresh, yet deeply penetrating, with the potential to radically transform an entire generation. Chuck Milian is that author, and this is that book. It's chock full of great ideas, stories, and wise counsel that, a generation from now, may well be credited with reducing the epidemically high divorce rate raging in our country and around the world. --Dr. Mark Cress -- President, Corporate Chaplains of America
Countless singles can learn to date in healthy and effective ways by putting into practice the practical and biblical solutions found in this book. This book will help singles not only survive, but also enjoy the sometimes confusing process of dating. --Russ Olman, Founder and President of Ministry Advantage
About the Author
Chuck Milian, M.A., has served as the senior pastor at Crossroads Fellowship in Raleigh, NC since 2001. From 1991 to 1999, he was the singles pastor, followed by two years as the executive pastor. Prior to that, he was president of a statewide singles ministry called SOLO, Inc. He and his wife Kim have been married for more than twenty years and have two sons. Chuck is passionate about helping people begin a relationship with God and seeing people grow to maturity as followers of Christ.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
There are many who think that Joshua Harris's book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" should be given to every teenager or single person in the church. I happen to think that Harris's book is an excellent one. My oldest daughter, Rebecca, used some of the principles from this book (perhaps unknowingly) during her time of dating, courtship, and engagement to the man who is now her husband. When I performed their wedding ceremony, nearly 2 years ago now, it was a thrill for them, her mother and I, and the whole congregation when I announced, just before they kissed during that wedding ceremony, this was their first kiss. They had made purity and holiness their chief goal. By God's grace, they attained that goal.
However, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" is not for everyone. I think it is highly commendable, but realistically I have come to believe not every one can attain its high standard. So what are a Christian young man and young woman to do? Chuck Milian answers that question in his book "We're Just Friends" and Other Dating Lies: practical wisdom for healthy relationships. Milian offers up a platter full of very helpful advice. He offers, what I think, is a solid, primarily biblical, five-step dating plan to guide single men and women through the process of developing relationships. As he walks through each of the levels, he gives direction, counsel, and even some examples of what that level means. The book has many helpful charts and diagrams which help to clarify his levels and definitions even further. Milian also offers up sound instruction about the physical boundaries that apply to each of the five levels. My only concern here is that some will see how far they can push that line. It's not a large concern, however, since it's usually well within our sinful nature to take any command, law, suggestion, or even simply a good idea and try to break it, bend it to our own sinful desires, or flat-out rebel against it.
Here are the five dating levels Chuck Milian uses in his book:
Level I: Dating for Something to Do
Level II: Dating Because Its You
Level III: Dating with the Future in View
Level IV: Dating and Engaged to You
Level V: Dating after Saying I Do
Throughout the book in each chapter, Milian offers up a dating lie which then guides the discussion of each chapter. Here is the list, chapter by chapter, of the dating lies that Milian seeks to refute:
Dating lie #1: love just happens; you can't control it.
Dating lie #2: if it feels like love, it must be love.
Dating lie #3: think of every date as a potential mate.
Dating lie #4: if you're single, you are incomplete.
Dating lie #5: your significant other can and should meet all your needs.
Dating lie #6: I must be a loser because I'm not in a relationship.
Dating lie #7: there are no rules in dating; it's all about romance.
Dating lie #8: just died-in; it's better to discuss expectations later.
Dating lie #9: all the "good ones" are already taken.
Dating lie #10: wait for them to say at first, if you ask, you'll scare them off.
Dating lie #11: I'll never understand what causes my relationships to blowup.
Dating lie #12: all you need is love.
Dating lie #13: love at first sight is "real" love.
Dating lie #14: you'll "just know" when it's time to get married.
Dating lie #15: we are engaged so sex is okay.
Dating lie #16: we're perfect for each other because we never argue.
Dating lie #17: sex is like hunger: you have to feed it.
Dating lie #18: once you're married, the dating and the font are over.
I think that Chuck Milian's book can be a great tool for pastors, youth pastors, singles pastors and just teens and single pull themselves. I recommend it to you.
However, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" is not for everyone. I think it is highly commendable, but realistically I have come to believe not every one can attain its high standard. So what are a Christian young man and young woman to do? Chuck Milian answers that question in his book "We're Just Friends" and Other Dating Lies: practical wisdom for healthy relationships. Milian offers up a platter full of very helpful advice. He offers, what I think, is a solid, primarily biblical, five-step dating plan to guide single men and women through the process of developing relationships. As he walks through each of the levels, he gives direction, counsel, and even some examples of what that level means. The book has many helpful charts and diagrams which help to clarify his levels and definitions even further. Milian also offers up sound instruction about the physical boundaries that apply to each of the five levels. My only concern here is that some will see how far they can push that line. It's not a large concern, however, since it's usually well within our sinful nature to take any command, law, suggestion, or even simply a good idea and try to break it, bend it to our own sinful desires, or flat-out rebel against it.
Here are the five dating levels Chuck Milian uses in his book:
Level I: Dating for Something to Do
Level II: Dating Because Its You
Level III: Dating with the Future in View
Level IV: Dating and Engaged to You
Level V: Dating after Saying I Do
Throughout the book in each chapter, Milian offers up a dating lie which then guides the discussion of each chapter. Here is the list, chapter by chapter, of the dating lies that Milian seeks to refute:
Dating lie #1: love just happens; you can't control it.
Dating lie #2: if it feels like love, it must be love.
Dating lie #3: think of every date as a potential mate.
Dating lie #4: if you're single, you are incomplete.
Dating lie #5: your significant other can and should meet all your needs.
Dating lie #6: I must be a loser because I'm not in a relationship.
Dating lie #7: there are no rules in dating; it's all about romance.
Dating lie #8: just died-in; it's better to discuss expectations later.
Dating lie #9: all the "good ones" are already taken.
Dating lie #10: wait for them to say at first, if you ask, you'll scare them off.
Dating lie #11: I'll never understand what causes my relationships to blowup.
Dating lie #12: all you need is love.
Dating lie #13: love at first sight is "real" love.
Dating lie #14: you'll "just know" when it's time to get married.
Dating lie #15: we are engaged so sex is okay.
Dating lie #16: we're perfect for each other because we never argue.
Dating lie #17: sex is like hunger: you have to feed it.
Dating lie #18: once you're married, the dating and the font are over.
I think that Chuck Milian's book can be a great tool for pastors, youth pastors, singles pastors and just teens and single pull themselves. I recommend it to you.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Chuck Milian brings biblical wisdom to western ideas of attraction and dating. This is not a book for just singles but for parents who used to be single a long time ago. Milian provides a very useful grid for thinking through the various stated and unstated stages of opposite gender relationships. Having grown-up in a fairly restrictive environment for dating, I found this book to be provocative and helpful, and much more realistic as to how things will actually go in boy-girl relationships. His five-step guideline for bonding and relational intimacy is helpful for both parents and singles to read prior to starting the often confusing world of dating. Chuck Milian states the need for discipline in dating, in particular the need for balance in ones feelings, thinking, and behaviour. Chuck is an advocate of communicating philosophy of dating early on so that no one is surprised, hurt or disappointed when a relationship ends prior to marriage. As a married man of 12 years, I appreciated the advice of found in Stage Five Dating: Dating After Saying I Do. A quick and easy read, I would recommend this to parents to read along with their children the younger they are and I recommend that college-age singles read this book as soon as possible.
1 of 5 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
The book came quickly and without any markings. I can't say that now. I have underlined, dog-earred, highlighted. This is a great book.
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