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This is NOT the Duke Nukem I grew up with.
on June 14, 2011
To quote Duke Nukem from this actual game... "FAIL TO THE KING, BABY"
Now I could nit pick about how bad this is... But I think other reviewers will get that just fine as I am not the only one that has been MAJORLY disappointed by this game. SO this will be MY personal single player experience with this... Turd of a game.
Some of the Duke Nukem humor and such is there but nothing I really haven't heard before. They really should have asked Bruce Campbell for some new quotes since it looked like the writers couldn't think of much of their own.
I don't know why people are complaining about graphics... Why would you only play a game for the graphics? The load times for me were around 15 to 20 seconds... So get better computers then. If sitting still for under a minute makes you fly into an uncontrollable rage fit then you need some professional help.
One of the FIRST things I noticed, in comparison to the other 3D Nukem games is that there are NO SECRET AREAS or end level Nukem buttons like Duke 3D, Zero hour, and Time to Kill. This actually pissed me off the most as one of the things I liked most in the Duke Nukem games was getting to explore the levels and find hidden bad guys and secret areas and buttons that do random things and reveal special areas... It gave it this little thing that current developers seem to forget about called RE-PLAYABILITY!!!!!!... "Unf unf unf unf Where is it!?!" But there is none of that in this game! You can only carry TWO weapons! No jet pack! The path you take is pretty much standard SUPER LINEAR C.O.D. and Bulletstorm knockoff with bits of Prey and Half Life 2 thrown in... In fact, my friend was watching me play and kept thinking I was playing a Half Life 2 mod.
There was really nothing new added in terms of bad guys or guns. The A.I.... Oh damn the A.I. is absolutely HORRIBLE! TERRIBLE! BEYOND BAD! At one point I saw some, now shirtless, pig cops and then backpedaled into a room with huge open double doors, and in the other room they just kept shooting and throwing pipe bombs at the wall. I let the game run for 30 minutes while I went off to play Duke Nukem Time to Kill on my ps1 (because I needed a healthy dose of good Duke to make up for all the bad Duke) and not a single one came into the room I was standing defenseless in the middle of. I think the developers said something along the lines of "We want the A.I. to feel like the 90s" In all honesty I think that was their way of saying, "We really don't want to put too much effort into making this a good game for a historic gaming series because people will buy it just for the name alone."
The game starts off Duke Nukem enough but then it loses it's nostalgia really quick... It was promising at the first level or two and felt like it would be an OK Duke Nukem game... So if you want to play an OK Duke Nukem game, just play though dukes Casino/Hotel level then sell the game or turn it off or return it to the place you rented it from... It felt like the developers spent more time on the first two or three levels than the rest of the entire game, and just sort of settled for whatever came along after that. If I had wanted to play around in Las Vegas and Hover Dam I would just play Fallout New Vegas instead because this game goes nowhere else! In other Nukem games you would go from Frankenstein Castle, to an alien ship in space, to the Wild West, to an urban area, to a submarine under water, to England, a duke burger, forward and backwards in time, and many other things. This game was the exact opposite and just too predictable, there was no excitement, no anticipation for what may come next.
The most this got out of me was a halfhearted chuckle at a very few moments in the game. It is nothing like the Classic Duke 3D games where I would bust up laughing at something I couldn't believe they got away with showing or doing. Though I think the part I laughed the most in this game was Duke and The glory hole. When you do this part, just jump up and down to see who, namely what gender, is actually in the stall next to you!
Even if this game came out 10 years ago, I would still be rather critical about it because it just doesn't feel Nukem enough. In car terms it would be like Wanting a New Ford Mustang GT and then getting a Rusty Ford Pinto instead.
-No Secret areas.
-limited environment interactivity after first few levels.
-No good Rock and Roll level music.
-Duke doesn't KICK things anymore, he now does the typical weapon butt melee thing.
-A.I. that is so bad it made me twitch.
-No really new content, guns, or bad guys.
-Way too linear and predictable for a Duke Nukem 3D game.
-For over 12 years of development how can they release an under 7 hour game?!?!?
-No end level Nukem Button.
-No really good new "one liners."
-Dated Level design and graphics.
-NOT ENOUGH DUKE!!