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30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans [Hardcover]

Karl Pillemer Ph.D.
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (62 customer reviews)

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Book Description

November 10, 2011

More than one thousand extraordinary Americans share their stories and the wisdom they have gained on living, loving, and finding happiness.

After a chance encounter with an extraordinary ninety-year-old woman, renowned gerontologist Karl Pillemer began to wonder what older people know about life that the rest of us don't.

His quest led him to interview more than one thousand Americans over the age of sixty-five to seek their counsel on all the big issues- children, marriage, money, career, aging. Their moving stories and uncompromisingly honest answers often surprised him. And he found that he consistently heard advice that pointed to these thirty lessons for living. Here he weaves their personal recollections of difficulties overcome and lives well lived into a timeless book filled with the hard-won advice these older Americans wish someone had given them when they were young.

Like This I Believe, StoryCorps's Listening Is an Act of Love, and Tuesdays with Morrie, 30 Lessons for Living is a book to keep and to give. Offering clear advice toward a more fulfilling life, it is as useful as it is inspiring.


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30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans + 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last
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Editorial Reviews

Review

As he dispenses concrete, practical advice on how to make the most of our lives, Cornell gerontologist Pillemer turns for answers to our elders. Giving familiar advice a new spin by mining the rich resource of older Americans, Pillemer offers a refreshing, smart wakeup call about getting your priorities straight and living right.(Publishers Weekly)

"Thank you, Dr. Pillemer, for gathering all this wisdom in one book before it is lost. I can't imagine anyone whose life will not be enriched by this book." 

--Rabbi Harold Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good  People


"The 'Wisest Americans' have a lot to teach the rest of us. Some of this advice is refreshing common sense. Much of it is truly surprising. It is always heartfelt and ever-endearing - equal parts information and inspiration. This is a book to keep by your bedside and return to often."

--Amy Dickinson, nationally sundicated advice columnist "Ask Amy"


"This is a fabulous book! Karl Pillemer has done an incredible job of bringing together the collective wisdom of hundreds of Americans into an entertaining, thought provoking, and practical book. Give it a read. You will find yourself getting out of bed in the morning with new enthusiasm."

--Matthew Kelly, author of The Rhythm of Life and Off Balance


"30 lessons for Living is an absolute gem! Thank you Karl Pillemer for taking the time to collect such a valuable trove of wisdom, and for sharing it with us in such a readable book. It's one that I'll recommend often. All of it is wonderful, but I particularly appreciated the lessons on honesty and saying yes to opportunities. Read this book - you'll get more out of life and have fewer regrets."
--Hal Urban, author of Life's Greatest Lessons


"If you want to hear the wisdom of the aged, this easy-to-read book, based on years of penetrating interviews by a prominent sociologist, tells you what they have learned about love, work, marriage, and parenting."

--Howard S. Friedman, Ph.D. & Leslie R. Martin, Ph.D., authors of The Longevity Project


"For five years, Karl Pillemer sat down with more than 1,000 older Americans-most of them between the ages of 70 and 100-to talk about lessons for living well. In the resulting book, 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice From the Wisest Americans,... Pillemer, a gerontologist at Cornell, has culled 30 life lessons from his "experts," ranging from the practical to the profound. How to raise children? How to think about dying? Think of this book as 1,000 borrowed grandparents weighing in on life's various challenges. A salty pragmatism runs throughout."

--The Daily Beast


"The author skillfully weaves a prevailing theme (e.g., parenting, aging fearlessly) with self-disclosing statements from interviewees to create a compelling, inspirational book."

-Library Journal (starred; one of the "Top Self-Help Books of  2011")

About the Author

Karl Pillemer, PhD, is the founder and director of the Cornell Institute for Translational Research on Aging, a center that works to increase public awareness of aging research. Dr. Pillemer has authored more than one hundred scientific publications, and has spoken widely throughout the world on issues of successful aging, family relationships, and elder care.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Hudson Street Press (November 10, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1594630844
  • ISBN-13: 978-1594630842
  • Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (62 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #67,391 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Karl Pillemer is a professor of human development at Cornell University and Professor of Gerontology in Medicine at the Weill Cornell Medical College. An internationally renowned gerontologist, his research examines how people develop and change throughout their lives. He has authored five books and over 100 scientific publications, and speaks throughout the world on aging-related issues.

After a chance encounter with a remarkable 90-year old woman, Dr. Pillemer decided to find out what older people know about life that the rest of us don't. His quest led him to ask more than a thousand older Americans their advice for living. He asked about all the big issues - love, marriage, children, work, happiness, avoiding regrets. This 6-year project led to the book: 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans, published in November 2011. More information on the project can be found at http://legacyproject.human.cornell.edu/.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
90 of 91 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Profound life lessons December 31, 2011
By JD312
Format:Hardcover
Steeped in the wisdom of America's elders, 30 Lessons for Living has an undeniable power to influence the way we think and the choices we make. Karl Pillemer, the author and a professor of gerontology at Cornell, spent five years interviewing a diverse cross-section of over 1,000 senior members of our society to elicit their life advice. He reverently calls this group "the experts," perhaps for many reasons, but essentially because they have done something the rest of us haven't--they have lived into their eighties, nineties, and beyond, and are able to reflect on their nearly complete lifetimes with unique hindsight. [It's also no small thing that the experts have lived through everything their readers have... plus World War II and the Great Depression.]

As a liberal artist in my mid-thirties, I have to admit that while I was curious to see what the experts had to say, I was initially skeptical of how relevant I might find their advice to my own life. I suspected it might be outdated, preachy, too conservative for my taste, or too generic. On the contrary, I found the experts' words - as well as Pillemer's insightful synthesis - profound and often very moving. The book is a compelling, potent collection of guidance for how to live a meaningful life that's attuned to what really matters. The tone is never self-righteous. In fact, some of the most poignant advice stems from things the experts felt they got wrong, regrets they had, realizations in their final years about what was actually important. It's incredibly life-affirming to read about their successes as well as the lessons they learned through mistakes.

Pillemer organizes the book into six themes, including marriage, careers and happiness. Within each theme, he distills the experts' most recurrent comments into five pieces of advice. Each chapter ends with a "refrigerator list" of thematically organized advice that I know I will revisit in an ongoing way. One of the topics I found most interesting was "Lessons for a Lifetime of Parenting," for its discerning look at the impact higher life expectancy has had on adult relationships between parents and children. Our current elders are experiencing the upper end of this evolutionary fact without having had a clear model as children.

While the experts' individual anecdotes are affecting, the volume and reinforcement of similar messages over time underscore collective learning. It's startling to quantify that this book contains 80,000 years of life experience. The experts' words repeatedly got under my skin, and have already prompted shifts in my thinking and behavior. While change can often be easier said than done, I think it would be impossible to read this book without engaging in personal reflection, analysis, and consideration of some deeply challenging questions: Does your life reflect the advice of the experts? What can you do to live a life without regret? How do you want to look back on your life? Are you spending this finite time well? In one of my favorite lines, the author depicts the experts' perspective: "Looking at how younger people squander time, they are like members of a desert tribe staring in dismay at our profligate use of water." I welcomed the big-picture inquiry in the context of a culture increasingly fueled by instant gratification.

Pillemer strikes an impressive balance between showcasing the experts' anecdotes and weaving an accessible, often personal narrative. I appreciate the author's connections to his own life as a thinker, husband, father, and member of society doing as we all are - ageing.

Pillemer doesn't dwell on the ways in which our society neglects elders and their experiences, but the novelty of his study is a testament to our oversight and a reminder of the imminent loss of this valuable resource. On one level, this book provides advice for living; on another, it illustrates how simple and worthwhile it is to tap into such a goldmine. All it takes is an interest in asking questions, a willingness to listen, and an openness to our basic human connection despite pre-conceived notions of the gaps. In addition to the advice I absorbed through the lessons, I have an intensely renewed perspective on the "experts," not only those featured in the book, but those in my own life whose experiences and insights are more relatable than I imagined.
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44 of 46 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Advice from the wise December 26, 2011
Format:Hardcover
30 Lessons for Living is a book to be savored. Written by Karl Pillemer, gerontologist and researcher at Cornell University, it is a product of the author's Legacy Project, a series of surveys and interviews conducted of those over 65, the "experts" on living to whom the book is dedicated. The purpose of the research is to identify the keys to the good life that those of a certain age have managed to uncover.

The book is broken down into several major themes having to do with such things as marriage, parenting, careers, health, and most generally how to achieve happiness. The lessons presented, with some exceptions--it's normal to have a favorite child--are not exactly earth-shattering. But the beauty of the book comes from the diversity of voices and individual expression that refract and enrich the observations from people who are remarkably aware and self-reflective.

Unfortunately, for stylistic reasons and because--at their age they know better--the thoughts and advice given here will be lost on youth. But for those who, like this writer, are on the cusp of seniorhood, the insights on lives well-lived are both instructive and heartening. This is a very good book for an individual reader contemplating life's "golden" years, even better if it can be shared across generations.
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20 of 21 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars We need more books like this. January 15, 2012
By Fred
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
I'm a physician who has been in practice for 28 years. One of the joys and privileges that I've always discussed and appreciated is the ability to speak to my older patients about their lives and experiences. I can't even begin to tell you how much I have enjoyed doing that and the amount that I have learned. They have much to say and we have much to learn.

Buy this book.In a disposable culture, books like this can lead to personal and cultural changes that are so necessary to help appreciate what life has to offer.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Like hearing people capture the essence of the wisdom found in the...
Powerful and well written. I enjoyed it and hope to give it as gifts to other. Very timely counsel on every page.
Published 2 days ago by AKV
5.0 out of 5 stars Love this book.
It will remain on my book shelf forever. The life lessons are so true. I will refer back to it over and over again.
Published 2 days ago by Loretta
5.0 out of 5 stars everyone needs to read
Wonderful advice from older people. Should be required reading in schools. Enjoyed it immensely!
People of all ages will take something away from this that applies to their... Read more
Published 4 days ago by SoniaHenie
4.0 out of 5 stars It's a science based approach to answer the life big questions, solid...
It's a science based approach to answer the life big questions, solid and trustworthy.

A lot of answers are alarming to one's own current life.
Published 11 days ago by Jian Zhen
5.0 out of 5 stars Really great insight!
My husband and I enjoyed reading this book. We learned a lot and got great insight for ways to enjoy life more.
Published 12 days ago by Nancy Goodyear
2.0 out of 5 stars Too wordy
How many times the same. Notion was repeated - it appeared the author was trying to add mower pages to the book. I did not care for the style of writing. Read more
Published 14 days ago by PEP
5.0 out of 5 stars rooCase for my iPod Nano 7
A perfect product, exactly as I expected. It provides some impact protection for my little iPod Nano, but more importantly for me a belt clip.
Published 16 days ago by ListeningWalker
4.0 out of 5 stars Dealing with the human condition And how others think and cope.
The rating reflects the the value that I feel I got from the material. I found myself in A lot of the examples. I have recommended this book to some of my relatives and children. Read more
Published 20 days ago by BasilNM
4.0 out of 5 stars Could have read more.
I was pleasantly surprised to happen upon this book. My husband always likes to ask the old folk their secret to life. Read more
Published 28 days ago by J. Mcgee
3.0 out of 5 stars Too much talk.
I was excited to read this book because I wanted to know what lessons for living the author identified. The premise is excellent and the 30 lessons are very good. Read more
Published 1 month ago by jaqijaqi
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