30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans [Hardcover]

Karl Pillemer Ph.D. (Author)

Book Description

Release date: November 10, 2011

More than one thousand extraordinary Americans share their stories and the wisdom they have gained on living, loving, and finding happiness.

After a chance encounter with an extraordinary ninety-year-old woman, renowned gerontologist Karl Pillemer began to wonder what older people know about life that the rest of us don't.

His quest led him to interview more than one thousand Americans over the age of sixty-five to seek their counsel on all the big issues- children, marriage, money, career, aging. Their moving stories and uncompromisingly honest answers often surprised him. And he found that he consistently heard advice that pointed to these thirty lessons for living. Here he weaves their personal recollections of difficulties overcome and lives well lived into a timeless book filled with the hard-won advice these older Americans wish someone had given them when they were young.

Like This I Believe, StoryCorps's Listening Is an Act of Love, and Tuesdays with Morrie, 30 Lessons for Living is a book to keep and to give. Offering clear advice toward a more fulfilling life, it is as useful as it is inspiring.

Editorial Reviews

Review

As he dispenses concrete, practical advice on how to make the most of our lives, Cornell gerontologist Pillemer turns for answers to our elders. Giving familiar advice a new spin by mining the rich resource of older Americans, Pillemer offers a refreshing, smart wakeup call about getting your priorities straight and living right.(Publishers Weekly)

"Thank you, Dr. Pillemer, for gathering all this wisdom in one book before it is lost. I can't imagine anyone whose life will not be enriched by this book." 

--Rabbi Harold Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good  People

"The 'Wisest Americans' have a lot to teach the rest of us. Some of this advice is refreshing common sense. Much of it is truly surprising. It is always heartfelt and ever-endearing - equal parts information and inspiration. This is a book to keep by your bedside and return to often."

--Amy Dickinson, nationally sundicated advice columnist "Ask Amy"

"This is a fabulous book! Karl Pillemer has done an incredible job of bringing together the collective wisdom of hundreds of Americans into an entertaining, thought provoking, and practical book. Give it a read. You will find yourself getting out of bed in the morning with new enthusiasm."

--Matthew Kelly, author of The Rhythm of Life and Off Balance

"30 lessons for Living is an absolute gem! Thank you Karl Pillemer for taking the time to collect such a valuable trove of wisdom, and for sharing it with us in such a readable book. It's one that I'll recommend often. All of it is wonderful, but I particularly appreciated the lessons on honesty and saying yes to opportunities. Read this book - you'll get more out of life and have fewer regrets."
--Hal Urban, author of Life's Greatest Lessons

"If you want to hear the wisdom of the aged, this easy-to-read book, based on years of penetrating interviews by a prominent sociologist, tells you what they have learned about love, work, marriage, and parenting."

--Howard S. Friedman, Ph.D. & Leslie R. Martin, Ph.D., authors of The Longevity Project

"For five years, Karl Pillemer sat down with more than 1,000 older Americans-most of them between the ages of 70 and 100-to talk about lessons for living well. In the resulting book, 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice From the Wisest Americans,... Pillemer, a gerontologist at Cornell, has culled 30 life lessons from his "experts," ranging from the practical to the profound. How to raise children? How to think about dying? Think of this book as 1,000 borrowed grandparents weighing in on life's various challenges. A salty pragmatism runs throughout."

--The Daily Beast

"The author skillfully weaves a prevailing theme (e.g., parenting, aging fearlessly) with self-disclosing statements from interviewees to create a compelling, inspirational book."

-Library Journal (starred; one of the "Top Self-Help Books of  2011")

About the Author

Karl Pillemer, PhD, is the founder and director of the Cornell Institute for Translational Research on Aging, a center that works to increase public awareness of aging research. Dr. Pillemer has authored more than one hundred scientific publications, and has spoken widely throughout the world on issues of successful aging, family relationships, and elder care.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Hudson Street Press (November 10, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1594630844
• ISBN-13: 978-1594630842
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (65 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #44,694 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #18 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Social Sciences > Gerontology

More About the Author

Karl Pillemer is a professor of human development at Cornell University and Professor of Gerontology in Medicine at the Weill Cornell Medical College. An internationally renowned gerontologist, his research examines how people develop and change throughout their lives. He has authored five books and over 100 scientific publications, and speaks throughout the world on aging-related issues.

After a chance encounter with a remarkable 90-year old woman, Dr. Pillemer decided to find out what older people know about life that the rest of us don't. His quest led him to ask more than a thousand older Americans their advice for living. He asked about all the big issues - love, marriage, children, work, happiness, avoiding regrets. This 6-year project led to the book: 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans, published in November 2011. More information on the project can be found at http://legacyproject.human.cornell.edu/.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

92 of 93 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Profound life lessons December 31, 2011

By JD312

Format:Hardcover

Steeped in the wisdom of America's elders, 30 Lessons for Living has an undeniable power to influence the way we think and the choices we make. Karl Pillemer, the author and a professor of gerontology at Cornell, spent five years interviewing a diverse cross-section of over 1,000 senior members of our society to elicit their life advice. He reverently calls this group "the experts," perhaps for many reasons, but essentially because they have done something the rest of us haven't--they have lived into their eighties, nineties, and beyond, and are able to reflect on their nearly complete lifetimes with unique hindsight. [It's also no small thing that the experts have lived through everything their readers have... plus World War II and the Great Depression.]

As a liberal artist in my mid-thirties, I have to admit that while I was curious to see what the experts had to say, I was initially skeptical of how relevant I might find their advice to my own life. I suspected it might be outdated, preachy, too conservative for my taste, or too generic. On the contrary, I found the experts' words - as well as Pillemer's insightful synthesis - profound and often very moving. The book is a compelling, potent collection of guidance for how to live a meaningful life that's attuned to what really matters. The tone is never self-righteous. In fact, some of the most poignant advice stems from things the experts felt they got wrong, regrets they had, realizations in their final years about what was actually important. It's incredibly life-affirming to read about their successes as well as the lessons they learned through mistakes.

Pillemer organizes the book into six themes, including marriage, careers and happiness.... Within each theme, he distills the experts' most recurrent comments into five pieces of advice. Each chapter ends with a "refrigerator list" of thematically organized advice that I know I will revisit in an ongoing way. One of the topics I found most interesting was "Lessons for a Lifetime of Parenting," for its discerning look at the impact higher life expectancy has had on adult relationships between parents and children. Our current elders are experiencing the upper end of this evolutionary fact without having had a clear model as children.

While the experts' individual anecdotes are affecting, the volume and reinforcement of similar messages over time underscore collective learning. It's startling to quantify that this book contains 80,000 years of life experience. The experts' words repeatedly got under my skin, and have already prompted shifts in my thinking and behavior. While change can often be easier said than done, I think it would be impossible to read this book without engaging in personal reflection, analysis, and consideration of some deeply challenging questions: Does your life reflect the advice of the experts? What can you do to live a life without regret? How do you want to look back on your life? Are you spending this finite time well? In one of my favorite lines, the author depicts the experts' perspective: "Looking at how younger people squander time, they are like members of a desert tribe staring in dismay at our profligate use of water." I welcomed the big-picture inquiry in the context of a culture increasingly fueled by instant gratification.

Pillemer strikes an impressive balance between showcasing the experts' anecdotes and weaving an accessible, often personal narrative. I appreciate the author's connections to his own life as a thinker, husband, father, and member of society doing as we all are - ageing.

Pillemer doesn't dwell on the ways in which our society neglects elders and their experiences, but the novelty of his study is a testament to our oversight and a reminder of the imminent loss of this valuable resource. On one level, this book provides advice for living; on another, it illustrates how simple and worthwhile it is to tap into such a goldmine. All it takes is an interest in asking questions, a willingness to listen, and an openness to our basic human connection despite pre-conceived notions of the gaps. In addition to the advice I absorbed through the lessons, I have an intensely renewed perspective on the "experts," not only those featured in the book, but those in my own life whose experiences and insights are more relatable than I imagined. Read more ›

44 of 46 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Advice from the wise December 26, 2011

By William J. Demo

Format:Hardcover

30 Lessons for Living is a book to be savored. Written by Karl Pillemer, gerontologist and researcher at Cornell University, it is a product of the author's Legacy Project, a series of surveys and interviews conducted of those over 65, the "experts" on living to whom the book is dedicated. The purpose of the research is to identify the keys to the good life that those of a certain age have managed to uncover.

The book is broken down into several major themes having to do with such things as marriage, parenting, careers, health, and most generally how to achieve happiness. The lessons presented, with some exceptions--it's normal to have a favorite child--are not exactly earth-shattering. But the beauty of the book comes from the diversity of voices and individual expression that refract and enrich the observations from people who are remarkably aware and self-reflective.

Unfortunately, for stylistic reasons and because--at their age they know better--the thoughts and advice given here will be lost on youth. But for those who, like this writer, are on the cusp of seniorhood, the insights on lives well-lived are both instructive and heartening. This is a very good book for an individual reader contemplating life's "golden" years, even better if it can be shared across generations.

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderfully rich work of advice and human story January 12, 2012

By Shalom Freedman HALL OF FAMETOP 1000 REVIEWER

Format:Hardcover

What are some of the major lessons drawn from this group of over one- thousand interviews with elderly Americans? There is advice about love and marriage . We are told it is wise to go slow in picking a mate, to choose a mate carefully, to look beyond appearances and to understand that Marriage must be a two- way proposition. One of the interviewees who talks about her second marriage says the key element was sharing values and a way of seeing the world.
In regard to raising children there is advice about the price which is paid for playing favorites, a price which may be exacted throughout a person's lifetime. Attention of course must be paid, and doing things with one's children, giving them Time is extremely important. There is the advice of treating each child as an individual and understanding them as an individual. Parents of grown- up children are advised to avoid interfering. Parents are recommended to be on the same page and show consistency in their messages to their children.
Advice about Work centers on the person's finding the thing they love to do, and devoting themselves to it wholeheartedly. One responder spoke about the importance of humility, willingness to learn from others. Young people are advised to take time and learn what their true purpose in work is.
In regard to Money there is much about the mistake of overvaluing accumulation of possessions. Comparisons are made to the Depression Era and people speak of the capacity to be happy with little and less. This connects well with another major message of the book. Happiness is according to the Advice given here not caused by a situation but made by an attitude. It is in many cases a decision and a choice.... I qualify this because I myself know there to be extremely difficult and impossible situations where to speak of Happiness is a kind of mockery and absurdity. Importance is given to religious faith in general as a means of getting through hard times, and sustaining one's trust in the world. Advice is given about the mistake of worrying overmuch, of causing ourselves to be stressed. One respondent gives a very interesting report in which he describes the way taking care of physical health has given greater happiness over all.
Again this is a book filled with interesting reports and helpful suggestions. Among others I find echoing my own experience are those which stress the importance of maintaining a certain lightness and humor , of trying to help and give to others, of loving family.
As I have indicated there are many whose situation is so bad that they cannot take any of the advice given here. But I believe those who can read this book will be able to learn from the experience of others the kind of wisdom , that will make their lives better.
A wonderful and useful book indeed. Read more ›

20 of 21 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Life is short... February 4, 2012

By D. Kanigan VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

At 20, I wouldn't have read it. I was in a hurry - learning, climbing. Mortality? Huh? At 30, it's family, career and it's obligations - no time to contemplate. Little time to read. At 40, I'm beginning to settle, mind is opening - I might have given this book a glance. But I'm wary. At x0, (I can't believe it or say it or type it). Where did the years go? My eyes are WIDE OPEN. I'm locked in on this book. Not sure how I tripped into the book. (Coincidence? Deepak Sharma would say Not.) I read an Amazon review where the reviewer described the book as "Profound." Really? How many top-10-list self-help books have I read? Not sure I can recall one lesson from these books. I was skeptical. (Highly). And I was wrong. (Again)

There is an estimated $1 billion spent each year on self-improvements books in the U.S. And more advice columns, television experts, and websites - all preaching advice of one sort or another. Yet none of them speak from experience of having lived and learned. Karl Pillemer, the author and a gerontologist at Cornell, interviewed more than 1,000 older Americans between the ages of 70 to 100 in search of lessons for living. He spent over 5 years on the project and summarized his findings in this book.... Lessons range from:

* Lessons for a Happy Marriage (Marry Someone a Lot Like You; Friendship is Important; Don't Keep Score; Talk to Each Other; Commit to Marriage not just your Partner)

* Lessons for a Successful and Fulfilling Career (Seek Intrinsic Rewards, not financial ones; Don't give up looking for a job you love; Make the Most of a Bad Job, Emotional Intelligence Trumps all; Everyone needs autonomy)

* Lessons for Parenting (It's all about time; It's normal to have favorites but don't show it; Don't Hit Your Kids; Avoid A Rift At All Costs; Take A Lifelong View of Relationships with Children)

* Lessons For Aging Fearlessly and Well (Being Old is Much Better than you think; Act Now Like You will need your body for 100 years; Don't Worry About Dying; Stay Connected to others; Plan ahead where you will live)

* Lessons For Living a Life Without Regrets (Always be honest; Say Yes to Opportunities; Travel More; Choose a Mate with Extreme Care; Say It Now before it is too late)

* Lessons for Living Like an Expert (Choose Happiness; Time is of the Essence; Happiness is a Choice, not a condition; Time Spent Worrying is Wasted; Think Small; Have Faith; Live by the Golden Rule)

I was deeply moved by this book. I found myself being pulled along - with skepticism being stripped down to bare bones of belief as I turned the pages. He's on to something. The power of this book is in the stories and the anecdotes of the "experts" (the term he uses to describe the elders who are interviewed for his research). The voices of experts are calm...peaceful...learned...zen-like. The author weaves lessons and stories gently throughout - - a slow moving stream making its way south.

Highly Recommended. Read more ›