365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy [Paperback]

Charla Muller (Author), Betsy Thorpe (Author)

Book Description

Release date: June 24, 2008

When Charla Muller?s husband turned 40, she gave him something memorable. Sex. Every day. For an entire year.

The Mullers had a solid marriage and two wonderful children, but over the years sex had fallen low on their to-do list. The lack of intimacy wasn?t causing them to drift apart, exactly, but their connection didn?t seem as great as it could be. Charla decided she couldn?t go on pretending the relationship they once had wasn?t important.

The couple would embark on a year of scheduled sex, falling over Tonka trucks and piles of laundry in an effort to make time for each other. There were obstacles along the way (work implosions, faking it) and questions came to light. Will sex every day strengthen a marriage, or reveal the cracks? Pull a couple together or drive them apart? Does good sex (even mediocre sex) make up for things that aren?t so good?

Editorial Reviews

Review

?Charla Muller is the Lou Gehrig of postmarital sex. Or maybe the Louise Gehrig. Whichever it is, I thank her for her inspiring journey.?
?A.J. Jacobs, "New York Times" bestselling author of "The Know It All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World"

?This makes Morgan Spurlock look like a wimp for just eating McDonald's food for 90 days.?
? Celia Rivernbark, author of the forthcoming "Belle Weather: Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Scattereed Hissy Fits" --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

Charla Muller has worked for eighteen years as a publicist and special events planner. Born in North Carolina, Charla attended UNC—Chapel Hill School of Journalism. Betsy Thorpe, a transplanted New York book editor, met Charla Muller in North Carolina and cajoled Charla’s story out of her. Betsy runs an editorial services company. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

• Paperback: 270 pages
• Publisher: Berkley Trade; 1ST edition (June 24, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0425222578
• ISBN-13: 978-0425222577
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (61 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #881,807 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

24 of 25 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars The Gift that never Gave. March 18, 2011

By Laura Terese Henri VINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback

So what all men want is 365 days of sex, that's it. They want 365 days of being able to lie down with their wives and move their bodies up and down till they orgasm and then roll over and fall asleep. They don't want their wives to actually participate, or be creative, or initiate, or be truly intimate. They just want one step up from self pleasure, and they will be happy.
Well according to Charla Muller that is.
This married, 30 something, mother of two, decided that on her Husband Brads 40th birthday she would SHOCK him with an offer of an entire YEAR of sex. She wanted to give him something original, a gift only she could give him. She didn't want to hand him a new watch, or drive up in a new car, she wanted to endow him with a years worth of intimacy, what man wouldn't want that! But wait there's more, she would also write a book about all of this because according to her, women wanted to know all about this "project".
I picked up this book for a few reasons. One, because I was married for 10 years and our sex life/intimacy was dead in the water. Two, because I am divorced now and with a man who matches me at every level, especially with passion and intimacy and I wanted to see if sex everyday for this couple would match what I was feeling in my personal life. I was curious about how she would approach this "gift", would they be able to spice it up, have fun, discover new erogenous zones, incorporate toys/props, bolster their imaginations, be brave and open themselves up more to each other and bring them closer together? I don't have kids but I wanted to read about how that would effect this "gift".
Charla claims on the front cover "Charla had a wonderful marriage" but I don't think that a marriage that is lacking intimacy, and a healthy sex life is wonderful.... I think Charla was comfortable with the marriage, with not having to work hard at being close to her husband so to her, it was good enough.
This book has nothing to do with sex, or intimacy, or kink, or even surrendering oneself to being the best lover you can for your husband. As a reader your dragged into it with that bait, and then subjected to this woman's blatant lack of self esteem, terrible writing(with Betsy Thorpe), and ice cold personality. You don't envy this man, who is now part of a game that he can't win. Charla will claim that the sex brings them closer together, but then acts like it's a chore, even calling it the "daily deed" They "fit it in" between little league and a dinner party. You get NO sense of what kind of sex they are having until later when its eleven months in and he comes to bed and says to her:
"Could you pretend you're interested in this? I mean could you woo me a bit?" she gets her hackles up and pretty much declares that she HAS been wooing him the whole time, it has required stamina and patience, personal grooming, and work ethic to do this for him! What more does he want? He tells her he doesn't want more he wants "Better". To which she says "What is better than having sex everyday with your wife for an entire year" and this is the TELLING part the BEST part , he says "well, does it really count if your just lying there, not that into it"
Like many women out there, she feels she is doing her JOB by having sex with him, her duty, look she even freaking shaved for it! So be grateful husbands, that she made that bit of effort. God I hate this woman.
I came away feeling so sorry for Brad, this gift he was given was just his wife's way of controlling him, experimenting with his feelings, trying to boost her own self esteem at the expense of his. Don't read this book if you're curious about what everyday sex could be like, or what it can do for a marriage that is maybe lacking in passion. It's not a book that might give you ideas to spark up your own sex life, or to use as a guide for your very own 365 day romp. Most of it is her rambling on about topics NO ONE would be interested in. Charla will claim at the end that they are happier, I don't believe her one bit. Read more ›

29 of 33 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Wake up, Charla!! January 20, 2009

By Margotte Julionsci

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Some of the negative reviews have been from Northern types who just didn't get Charla at all. I enjoyed reading the book -- obviously, Charla's not a professional writer, but she's honest, and her voice is clear and vibrant. Perhaps not to your taste if you're not a Southern Baptist Republican, but she's putting herself on the line here. Don't expect any explicit sexual descriptions -- there's a somewhat prissy overuse of the word "intimacy" for sexual intercourse, for example. But overall, she sounds like a fun friend and a good mother. No quarrel there.

But-- I admit to being really shocked by her admission of how much she dislikes sex with her husband. She claims all her girlfriends dislike sex too. By the end of the book, I felt really sorry for her husband, who has to beg her to even look interested.

Wake up, Charla! All you gave your husband was the use of the lower half of your body. Spend a year learning to enjoy sex and write another book about that! I have to believe that deep down, that's what you wanted, or otherwise, why would you have suggested the 365 days of sex anyway?

35 of 43 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Couples everywhere need to thank Charla Muller for this gift of a book! June 25, 2008

By CredoDuckDaughter

Format:Paperback

If you haven't heard about this book yet, hold on to your hat. This hilarious, honest, moving account of one woman's "Gift" to her husband of sex everyday for a year is an incredible story. Charla has a wonderful writing style that makes you feel like you are sitting across a table from her with a glass of wine in your hand, sharing all your innermost thoughts with your best friend. Her voice perfectly captures what it is like for many women that have been married for a number of years, with a couple of kids, working inside or outside the home, with a husband around here somewhere and sex not anywhere on that endless to-do list. The topic of sex in a marriage (or lack thereof!) is still somewhat taboo, with a lot of people thinking about it, but no one really willing to talk about it. Thankfully Charla Muller had the courage and the pluck to not only come up with the idea of sex everyday, but to write a witty, enjoyable book about it! (Note: the book is completely G-rated, with a focus on the relationship, not the act itself.) Her honesty and humor provides a great forum for husbands and wives everywhere to talk about "the elephant in the bedroom" and in the process reconnect with one another. Thank you Charla for giving the Gift to Brad and for giving everyone else the gift of your book! Can't wait to read your next one.....

55 of 72 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars A chore and a bore August 29, 2008

By Diane Schirf

Format:Paperback

Charla Muller's epigraph for 365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy is from dramatist Jean Anouilh: "To say yes, you have to sweat and roll up your sleeves and plunge both hands into life up to the elbows." Out of its context, Anouilh's quotation summarizes Charla Muller's attitude toward marital sex: It's a chore and a bore. That is why, on the occasion of her husband's 40th birthday, she, in the spirit of self-sacrifice, offers him what she calls "The Gift"--sex every day for the next year. After pages of overwrought mutual analysis about the implications, Brad Muller accepts. In one short chapter, the reader is introduced to what seems to be the most passionless marriage on the planet.

The rest of 365 Nights (give or take a few--mustn't have sex during menstruation, for example) rarely delves into sex or even intimacy, physical or emotional. Our most penetrating look into the Mullers' sex life comes when Charla says, "Wow, that was really nice" (or "yummy") and Brad says, "Could you pretend you're enjoying it?" to which Charla replies, "How 'bout you just close your eyes." Between these flashes of profound love, Charla tirelessly fills the reader in on her rather narrow view of relationships, marriage, parenting, being a working mother (she works two days a week), and how giving her husband what he wants ("The Gift") has somehow made them stronger as a couple. It's not the intimacy itself that seems to bring them closer together, but the sense of sacrifice and the willingness to work to overcome the obstacles--not only Charla's dislike of sex (which she seems to believe she shares with every married mother), but logistics such as work, children, activities, and the need for private time....

Perhaps married women with children who see their husbands as "sperm donors" and "providers," as Charla writes of some of her friends, will relate to her and her view of love, marriage, and life. Undoubtedly, many will find that she validates the sexual ennui that can set in during any long-term relationship. From my single, childless perspective, she offers no insights, not even as to the underlying reasons she makes every effort to avoid sex with the man she loves and why getting ready for sex means, "I just continue lying there" (prompting her husband to say, "Could you pretend you're interested in this?").

When the year of "The Gift" is over, Brad seems happy because he will continue to get sex more frequently (although not every day), and Charla is happy because her husband is more content and her marriage is more solid--and, to me, as free of passion as ever. Charla writes about some of the benefits of sex--it provides exercise and offers improved communication for example (she likes to talk to Brad about the mundane during the act, we learn). She mentions greater emotional intimacy, but she doesn't convey it or what it means. She touches on the surface of the issues, but is unable or is afraid to say anything meaningful beyond the obvious. While she lies back and gives "The Gift," she cannot bring herself to mention that she finds any physical pleasure or emotional joy in the act itself (other than that it's "nice"). She and Brad seem to be well suited to each other, but they could be brother and sister Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert from Anne of Green Gables for all the passion shown in their marriage--with or without sex.

Charla's perky style is annoying, and her values, which she assumes we all share, are painfully shallow. She disdains ugly mini-vans (and her beloved children's energy future) in favor of a "cool" SUV. A "polite feminist," she believes that it's a "rule" that women, and now men, must pluck their eyebrows (and any other hair that doesn't meet her concept of perfect grooming and appearance). She is surprised to learn she is pregnant after just a couple of months, calling herself "very fertile" (what does this make Brad?) and making one wonder if she never learned the reasons that contraception became such a hot topic for 19th century women. She abhors the idea of aging naturally and fantasizes about "slight tweaking" through plastic surgery until Brad says, "What will she [daughter] think if she sees her mother conforming to these bizarre societal standards?"--standards to which Charla would have us all make every effort to conform.

Charla presents herself as someone you should want to chat with over coffee about the vicissitudes of married suburban life; indeed, that's how this book came about. I couldn't. It's more than her overuse of words like "nice," "gal," and "girls" (this from a "polite feminist") or the wearisome banality of her endless reflections. She's one of those people--we all know at least one--who prattle nonstop without saying anything, leaving one feeling tired and empty--or energized, if that is your sort of thing.

365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy could have been a compelling story, but it would take a more interesting and thoughtful person than Charla Muller to grasp the topic and its nuances and to do it the justice it deserves. Read more ›