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2.9 out of 5 stars
500 Mph Storm
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26 of 27 people found the following review helpful
on May 6, 2013
Format: Amazon Instant Video
It doesn't get more awesomely bad than this. If you like movies that are so bad that you laugh out loud when you're not supposed to, this is the movie for you. Here are some examples of things to add to your drinking game:

Take a shot or chug a beer after any of these below. You might want to pick just one. Even then you may die of alcohol poisoning, so play at your own risk.

1. Someone runs in slow motion.
2. Casper Van Dien yells "Come On!!! Let's go!!!"
3. Casper Van Dien has a look of fear that instead resembles constipation
4. Casper Van Dien outruns Mother Nature...on foot!
5. You have no idea what is going on or why.
6. You see a main cast member after a half hour or so in, and you can't remember their name, and are not entirely sure if the movie ever told you.
7. You see the same location being passed off as a different location
8. You see a special effect that you could put together in the next ten minutes
9. Every time Casper Van Dien and his family get out of the car, then almost immediately get back into it.
10. The family car is careening through the driving rain, and the windshield wipers aren't on.

These are just a few. Make some up on your own as well!
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28 of 30 people found the following review helpful
on March 2, 2013
Format: Amazon Instant VideoVerified Purchase
Ah, Cas Van Dien in yet another low budget Sci Fi extravaganza. He's got to put food on the table I suppose right?

I am a huge fan of dumb low budget weather related Sci Fi flicks and this one is pretty dumb. Bad, bad acting, terrible, no wait...AWFUL script and a snot nosed teenaged kid who needs to be smacked upside the head for his snarky attitude towards his parents.
Early in the film, Van Dien, driving away from the storm after ballooning, contorts his face into what's supposed to be fearful looks, but shows up only as bad acting. I laughed. LOVE the rugged look he has though. The beard looks great and I'm not a fan of facial hair.

The thing that bugged me about this the most, was small odd scenes that were shot, and then all tossed around and edited together like a bunch of high school kids were working on a film project in their cinema class. You knew which scenes were staged so the actors would stand and stare at the CGI to be inserted later. Lol

The super storm threatens Van Dien and his on screen family, so they decide to head to higher ground in the family car (Approx 21 mins into the movie). Once there, the snarky son gets out of the car complaining and kicking up dirt, until the mom say's "John, be quiet".
Then, dad say's "I hear it too". Then, they all scramble, per verbal instruction, to get into the car "slowly" then "faster" without the film EVER explaining WHAT the stupid scary sound was. lol.... Bigfoot perhaps? Mountain Lions? Zombies? Vampires? Wait, it's daylight so no it couldn't be vamps...(Eh, unless it's a glittery Cullen}.
The entire scene is about 20 seconds long and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. You're left scratchin' your head at that one.

The rest of the movie is filled with more cheap CGI and bad acting. That's about it.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
on April 27, 2013
Format: Amazon Instant Video
I've never rated a movie 1 star. I am a huge fan of weather related catastrophes and have watched many low budget movies with ease and enjoyment. This one was excruciating to watch. It is THE WORST one I have ever watched. The writing and script were awful, and the acting was awful. It was truly a waste of good time! Trust the low star reviews this time...this was the epitome of a waste of film.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
on March 19, 2013
Format: DVD
When an energy experiment goes haywire, massive hurricanes rip across America. A high school science teacher must get his family to safety before the hurricanes merge, creating a "hypercane" with the power to wipe the America off the map.

After Super Cyclone, I was really hesitant to buy any Asylum movie about storms and the like. Super Cyclone, in my opinion, was literally the worst Asylum movie that I've ever watched. Thankfully, I viewed 40 Days & Nights. Because of that movie, I decided to take a chance on 500 MPH Storm. It's good that I did because 500 MPH Storm turned out to be a decent movie. not quite up to the standards of 40 Days & Nights but dang near close. Nevertheless, it was an entertaining movie that kept me interested(in that B-movie sort of way). I'll admit, however, that the movie does have it's moments where I felt like getting up and switching the DVD player off.

As for how I'd rate this item, It was okay for an Asylum movie. Thank goodness that I've seen Casper Van Dien play in alot of other B-movies. That's why I stuck with it.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
on March 14, 2013
Format: DVDVerified Purchase
My wife loves Disaster movies... This is a total disaster and not in a good way. The acting sucks, the story line... well it was like there was no script and actors made it up as they went along. I knew it was going to be a low budget film, but when nothing makes sense and the lack of a story line as it jumps to places where your thinking ... Did I miss something for them to get to this point?? We want some of the 70's disaster films like Posiden or the Airport movies. - Towering Inferno - ect. Stay away from this one.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
on April 7, 2013
Format: Amazon Instant Video
Bad acting coupled with a worst script and special effects make this bad "B"film a "D-". The only reason it doesn't receive a complete failing grade is because the concept is entirely plausible given the idiotic track record of our government (US). I'm glad I rented it instead of buying it.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
on March 17, 2013
Format: Amazon Instant Video
If you think you know bad........... You haven't seen this yet! Extremely poor plot, even worse acting, seriously pathetic special effects, and 90% of the movie is special effects!!!! The same building is portrayed as 10 different facilities. The suposedly heroic family is always screaming in fear and they never make a remotely intelligent decision in any circumstance. Did I mention seriously pathetic special effects and 90% of the movie is special effects??? Their special effects look like they were designed on an Etch-A-Sketch!!!!!! On a scale of 1 to 10, this ranks about 126,792,537 below zero!!!!!!!! A candidate for a Rotten Tomatoes award? No, I would say it's more of a candidate for a fresh cow pie!!!!!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Format: DVD
For movies titled" GatorBear," "True UFO Tales," or "500 mph Storm," (I made the first two up in case you were wondering) I don't expect Oscar-worthy performances. I usually end up being pleasantly surprised at the effort put forth by the actors. I mean, they are getting paid and having fun, right? But in 500 mph Storm, the bad acting by the trio of protagonists led by the scientist (Caspar Van Diem) is taken to a whole new level of bad. Maybe they were forced to do this movie through blackmail, or as a probation requirement. They were not having fun at all, and the horrible script did not help. Actually, I ended up laughing at totally random things that happened in the film. There is one scene where this young blond thing walks by and says very seductively that the something is at "full capacity." At that point I started seeing this movie as an unintentional comedy.

The family that is escaping from the storm is the stupidest trio you have ever met. The son is an idiot, the wife is an airhead, and the dad is supposedly a brilliant scientist, but he makes the worst decision early in the movie, and that is to leave a sweet helpless, dog to meet it's death in the road! Now the viewer hates you, good move. From that point, when a tornado was chasing them, I cheered for the tornado.

The CGI effects, the sound, the wardrobe, sets, cinematography is all very good. But it doesn't matter. Poor dog.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
on October 14, 2013
Format: Amazon Instant Video
There are epic natural disaster movies, and there are horrible natural disaster movies. '500 MPH Storm' creates its own new niche category: Epically Horrible Natural Disaster Movies. I may yet be proven mistaken, but I expect it will be some time before anything knocks THAT buzzard off it's dung heap...

From the unbelievably lame 'scientific' premise and terminology, to the constant and instant changes from broad daylight to blasting dark storm scene cuts, there is NOTHING even remotely realistic about this movie. I hope none of the cast members ever watch it themselves or I'm afraid they'd commit hare-kare from the shame and humiliation.

The most glaring thing is the development of a RAGING tornado out of an overcast that was clear blue sky seconds ago, back to clear blue sky just as quickly... again and again. A tornado that follows the main cast's SUV, and tracks every curve in the road with them is the most remarkable case of 'sheer coincidence' and 'against all odds' you could ever come up with. When the car is driving, and the outside forward tracking shots show idyllic weather, but the inside shot shows near-blackness through the back window... again and again... it becomes an arduous task to keep watching. Painful in the extreme. When the same factory/warehouse location is fed to you several times as a 'different place', your eyes start to roll back in your head. After a MASSIVE inundation of water swamps the building and everything in it, but the ground is dry when they immediately go back outside, you have to wonder what the directors were smoking.

A Supercane doesn't even require windshield wipers.

A 'traffic accident' where a car and a pickup (with their front clips obviously carefully removed for resale) is staged on a remote highway. Although intended to be a severe collision, there is not one wrinkle on either vehicle... and how could there be because all the bodywork that should have been involved was most likely now installed on different vehicles! The steering column was even removed from the car. That was THEE lamest excuse for a car accident I have ever seen. Also, no bodies or injured people. Only an inbred redneck pervert intent on raping the first housewife who shows up, no matter how many able-bodied males are in the immediate vicinity or how intense the storm that is swirling around and about.

"These exact co-ordinates" is a term you will become nauseated from hearing, as they bend light and magically abolish extreme weather systems that several nuclear bombs couldn't disrupt.

A kid, never having been at a remote location before, just instinctively knows where there happens to be a helicopter; fueled up and ready to go... a long piece through a burning forest, across a wide stream and into another stand of trees. That same helicopter also happens to be the most chameleon-like flying machine ever developed, because it changes its paint scheme and configuration multiple times.

I have no spoiler to give away; after torturously forcing myself to keep watching--and always to my regret--I finally gave up with still 20 laborious minutes to go. I just didn't have the stomach or the patience for one single more sudden life-threatening situation to descend upon the cast, literally out of the blue, and have to see the grimaces of rat poison constipation distort their faces any longer.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on June 22, 2013
Format: Amazon Instant Video
I knew 500 MPH Storm would be bad. But I felt like I might be in the mood for a bad movie. I only hoped it would be funny-bad and not bad-bad. I got my wish. It is absolutely laugh out loud funny. I watched it on my iPad and had to try like mad not to wake my wife lying next to me. If you want a great comedy that's trying not to be a comedy, watch this.
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