Customer Reviews

The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship

5 star:		(19)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

We've saved thousands of dollars in marital therapy by using this book. The most amazing thing about it is to follow Goulston's suggestion to take the quizzes at the beginning of each section on how to CREATE love (Chemistry, Respect, Enjoyment, Acceptance, Trust, Empathy) and more importantly to then answer them the way you think your partner would answer them. Then exchange what you have written down and marvel at how little you really understand each other and then start to heal when you correct the misunderstandings. It's absolutely magical. Even men will get into it because you get the sense Goulston's a guy's guy, but is so without offending women. Run to buy this one!

Dr.Mark Goulston and Philip Goldberg have recaptured the magic of their first book, "Get Out of Your Own Way." The tone and "voice" of " Secrets" presents in aclear and honest manner real life ways to begin to heal and rebuild a wanted relationship.

The scene is set in each chapter with questions designed to force you to not only look in, but look from the inside out. If there was ever a text that so deserves to be read by every intimate couple, this is it.

The examples and testimonials bring the advice to life, and the advice is well thought out and obviously honest and workable. Unlike so many booksthat try to reframe our way of thinking about our relationships, "6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship" assist you in working with what is already there and perhaps not understood well enough by the reader to move forward. The intimacy of reading and responding to advice is one of the many joys of reading. Surely having a book like this brings us much closer to our own solutions, and more importantly, closer to the one we love.

Read this book with the knowing that the words, advice, stories, and solutions work. Read it as well with hope and faith. There is something here to help anyone who needs it.

From: www.BasilAndSpice.com
Author & Book Views On A Healthy Life!

Book Review: The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How to Fall in Love Again and Stay There (Perigree, 2001) by Mark Goulston, MD with Philip Goldberg

A Classic Feature

Dr. Mark Goulston is a former UCLA professor who helps high performing leaders, senior management and sales people reach their full potential using skills he learned training FBI and police hostage negotiators. He has also written Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior, Get Out of Your Own Way at Work, and PTSD for Dummies.

The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship has received praise from John Gray, Ph.D. and Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D. The book is based on more than 10,000 hours of couples therapy and has been developed into six secrets for keeping your relationship together:

1. Keep the chemistry burning.
2. Treat your partner with respect--and earn his or her respect.
3. Don't stop thinking about enjoyment.
4. Give one another acceptance despite your flaws.
5. Deserve each other's trust.
6. Always keep in touch with empathy.

"The structure of an intimate relationship rests on six pillars, which are the core of each of the six secrets."

1. C--chemistry (Sex; Romance; Discusses the painful secrets some individuals keep; Tells why we need to feel physically connected. Answers why chemistry waxes, then wanes--explains how to bring this important element back into the relationship.)
2. R--respect (This is where affairs sometimes begin. Warning signs of disrespect highlighted. Tells how to respect yourself and your partner.)
3. E--enjoyment (There is a need for laughter. Defines how baggage hinders enjoyment.)
4. A--acceptance (Teaches how to avoid criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling--leading predictors in the failure of couples. Elucidates upon what to do if you can't quite accept your partner. Also teaches how to find acceptance.)
5. T--trust (Implies faith and confidence and is required for emotional intimacy. Details how to restore trust.)
6. E--empathy (Attempt to view the situation from your partner's point of view. Learn how to move from debate and animosity to dialogue and understanding. Empathy heals wounds.)

Dr. Goulston writes that breakdowns in a relationship occur when an element of the pillars is shaky--they need regular reinforcement. Stress on the pillars is a result of marriage, child-rearing, financial problems, long-term bond of two single people, or even work. The author believes that you shouldn't feel like a victim, instead take the initiative to create the "love you deserve."

By reading The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship, you should learn how to have:

* Renewed involvement with each other
* Revived enthusiasm four your relationship
* A stronger sense of partnership and commitment
* An atmosphere of healing
* A greater capacity to solve problems effectively
* Deepened intimacy and tenderness
* Enhanced mutual understanding
* Freedom from guilt and blame
* A more durable bond
* A reawakening of love

Using a no-blame, no-fault, no-nonsense approach and couples therapy stories as examples, this book is well written for couples to read and act upon together. Dr. Goulston also includes throughout blocks of Usable Insight and questionnaires as evaluation tools. The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship is a classic which should be read by all couples, especially those who are in a shaky, rocky, or separating marriage and by those who are preparing to enter one. If your relationship is in trouble, find out why. Mark Goulston's 6 Secrets is Usable Insight into the reasons problems begin and will help you overcome existing marital difficulties and even point you to further help if necessary. And, if you're happily married, you, like myself, can gain a better understanding of your spouse and marriage.

5 Stars

Dr. Goulston's book made so much sense to my husband, felt so right to me, and was extremely doable for both of us. It helped us recognize when and where the great things disappeared from our life and more importantly gave us a way to bring them back. Skeptical as were, this book really can help you to fall back in love again and stay there.

This book explains why so many couples find themselves drowning in marital misery. Dr. Goulston shows couples what they can do to get back the love they once had. His profound understanding of love relationships obviously comes from a depth of knowledge about the fundamental needs of men and women, needs which are not as different as others might have us believe. Men and woman are, as Dr. Goulston says, "from the same planet" after all. I am not kidding about this book being a manual for marital happiness. That's how I will use it. A truly great book!

This book can literally save your marriage or committed relationship. Dr. Goulston uses simple, yet clever analogies to help readers understand the true foundation of a solid relationship. His CREATE approach is direct and easy to understand. The advice is wonderful and it's obvious that Dr. Goulston genuinely cares about helping people grow and solidify their intimate relationships. This should be required reading for all couples or anyone contemplating a romantic relationship.

This a sound and solid book. And as the author suggested, it did get my husband to "buy in" more than any other book I have tried to discuss with him to improve our relationship. Because of this book, my husband and I are talking "with" instead of over or at each other for the first time in years. We're still not out of the woods, but I am hopeful that my husband and I will be able to fall in love again. I'd go and on, but I'm still afraid to jinx a good thing.

I am a man, and I just never thought I could save a relationship once the honeymoon was over. I didnt know you could get it back, and continue to have passion the rest of your life ! This book has made all of the difference.

Goulston (doctor) & Goldberg (writer) are a wonderful team, and they succeed yet again with this book ("Get Out of Your Own Way" ISBN:0399519904 is the other one).

Dr. Goulston gets right to the heart of the matter in discussing how relationships can fall apart. If you are currently in a rocky relationship that you wish to save, or if you're just looking to solidify the foundation of the great relationship you already have, then you should invest the few dollars in this book. It's bound to be one of the best investments you'll ever make in your life.

Just to be totally honest, if your relationship is troubled and you would like to work on it effectively, you should seriously consider seeing an actual counselor. If your partner is hesitant, then this book alone might go a long way towards salvage and reconstruction.

Where there's a WAY, there's a WILL. The 6 pillars that form the foundation of a love relationship make sense, feel right and ARE doable if you read and follow the advice and try the exercises in this solid, sensible book. I cannot think of any intimate relationship that would not benefit tremendously from the compassionate wisdom that Dr. Mark Goulston provides in this landmark publication.