60 on Up: The Truth About Aging in America (Hardcover)

by Lillian B. Rubin (Author)
Key Phrases: new old age, They've Gotta Be Kidding, The Golden Years, We're Old (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
With honesty, compassion and a large measure of wit and wisdom, 83-year-old author Rubin (Intimate Strangers, Just Friends, etc.) describes in full the world of the elderly in America, where social circles diminish as friends die, sexual desire and ability fade and the wish to "die with dignity" conflicts with the "often vain hope of putting off our meeting with it just a little longer." Rubin, a psychotherapist for 35 years, has gathered numerous interviews with seniors and combined them with her own reflections to illustrate clearly the difficult questions today's seniors face, both in the day-to-day and the long run. Straightforward, revealing and thought-provoking, this book makes a fine, thorough primer for middle-aged adults preparing for "this business of getting old" in "a society that sees old age as repugnant at the same time that it... dreams of extending life still further"; however, it's best avoided by anyone who wants to keep believing that "if you eat right, sleep right, exercise your body and your brain right, you'll never get really old." The elderly will find much to nod along with, and a handy tool for getting their point across to middle-aged children whose fearful attitudes toward aging can keep an otherwise normal sense of understanding at bay.
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Review
"Rubin, in her early 80s and a very good writer, explores the good news/bad news about greater longevity of today's Americans." —David Mehegan, September 4, 2007 (Boston Globe )

"We end with a book that sounds interesting and hard to categorize. What does it mean that Americans now want to retire early, but typically live into their 90s? Psychotherapist Lillian B. Rubin, whose best-selling book about marriage was "Intimate Strangers," reflects on later life in "60 on Up: The Truth About Aging in America" (September). Rubin, in her early 80s and a very good writer, explores the good news/bad news about greater longevity of today's Americans." (Boston Globe )

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 208 pages
• Publisher: Beacon Press; 1 edition (September 3, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0807029289
• ISBN-13: 978-0807029282
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.6 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #221,496 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Dose of reality in a sea of hype (3.75 *s), September 15, 2007

By	One Man's View (Lawrenceville, GA USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)

This fairly short book is part lament by the author of getting old [83 and counting] and a reality check on the notion that people can choose to not get old, that 60 is really 40 or that 80 is the new 60, or that the olden years will be a time of continued development and exciting living. The book is part personal reflection and experience, what is known by experts, and the views of many older people without the hype.

Because we live longer, many of the traditional sequences of life have been significantly altered. For example, the newly pregnant forty-year-old lives beside those who have adult children at the same age. Or some through personal habits are undoubtedly far healthier than their peers entering old age. Witness the seventy-something marathoner compared to the stooped shuffling of a peer. Old age for the author begins at sixty-five with more advanced levels about every ten years. Yet despite these exceptions that lend credence to the hard sell of perpetual youthfulness, it is clear that many at age sixty or so have not escaped the ravages of time, suffering from any number of physical and mental maladies.

Older people are often encouraged to "disengage" or retire only to find that idleness, golf, or the like gets old very fast. Yet even for those with advanced learning and the retention of skills, re-employment in our society is often very problematical. As the author points out, the older citizen found working at Home Depot or Wal-mart may well be vastly over-qualified for their job, but simply have no other place to turn.

Other areas that need a strong dose of reality injected are those of finances and sex. The harsh reality according to the author is that the vast majority of older Americans simply do not have the financial resources for extended life after working. She points out that the median wages in this country do not permit anything beyond the most meager of savings. In addition, any financial windfall expected from parents often disappears as they too are living to advanced ages with accompanying large payments to nursing homes and health care providers. As far as sex goes, it appears that the mind is willing, but the body often fails for older people. She also points out that sexual passion usually leaves most marriages after many years, not easily recaptured even if desired. The passionate older woman hyped in a recent popular book is mostly just that: hype.

The author readily admits that we live far longer than just one hundred years ago, but we really have not come to grips with it. Getting old is not accepted by the person, employers, friends, etc. The reactions to getting old fall into denial, exclusion, and aversion among others. It is not the intent of the author to necessarily change those reactions, but to simply expose realities. Some advocacy of change would have been welcome. For example, anti-discrimination, living wage, and national health care legislation would seem appropriate. In the end, the author encourages being realistic about getting old and rejecting the nonsense.

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Realistic And Not Optimistic, October 12, 2007

By	Dr Cathy Goodwin (Seattle, WA USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

Books about aging fall into two categories: gloom and doom (like Mary Pipher's Another Country) and chirpy and cheery (like Marc Freedman's Encore).

Rubin's book falls mostly in the gloom and doom category. She seems determined to debunk, "Sixty is the new forty."

Sometimes she misses the mark. "When I was forty my friends weren't dying," someone says. But in fact,we're not comparing our 60-year old selves with our 40-year old selves. We're comparing with 40 year olds of an earlier generation, who often watched their friends die at the same rate as 60 year olds do now.

The best part of the book was the section on retirement. I once knew a 64 year old man who had retired from a demanding, prestigious profession. He claimed to be happy with his hobbies, but his neighbors knew he was bored. Sadly, they saw him as a crankly old busybody who pried into everybody else's affairs with unwanted advice. He deserved more.

As Rubin points out, sixty-somethings aren't taken seriously in the working world. Regulations and laws limit meaningful volunteer work. Not everybody wants to be a greeter at Wal-Mart, a job happily espoused by an ex-executive in Marc Freeman's Encore.

I also appreciated Rubin's frank discussion of friendships that become harder with age. After years of enjoying friends who were 20 years younger, she herself finds common interests disappear. I've found that as I work on the Internet, I have less in common with many women my own age. After a classmate invited me to bring "samples" of my ebooks to a college reunion, I decided to forego future gatherings with my age-mates.

The real lesson of books on aging is that cohort groups become more diverse as they age. At 60, you might be running marathons or having trouble walking around the block. You might be ready to sit on a porch and let the world go by or you might want to build a business. At 75 you might be ready for assisted living or you might be Sandra Day O'Connor, who played a leadership role in the US Supreme Court until she retired.

In the end, this book was strangely compelling. I'm struck by the number of long, thoughtful reviews. Rubin strides confidently into topics where most authors tiptoe. My favorite part of the book comes when Rubin quotes a New York Times food critic: If living to 99 means "cutting the Porterhouse into thirds," maybe 85 is okay. Give up Haagen-Dasz? Maybe 79.

Yet, as other reviewers note, Rubin doesn't offer suggestions either for activism or personal empowerment. She's trained as a therapist and I'm reminded of stereotypical "you have to accept" therapy responses, delivered with a philosophical shrug

She gets it. I get it. I get that she gets it. Now what?

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Dilemmas of Aging, September 30, 2007

By	Marlys M. Styne "Author of 'Reinventing Mysel... (Chicago, IL USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Lillian B. Rubin tells it like it is when it comes to growing old. I am impressed by her fair-mindedness and her scientific efforts to look at the many dilemmas of aging, based on both personal experience and interviews.

We are frantic to turn back the clock. Dr. Rubin quotes geriatrician Kate Scannell, who says, "We are regularly consumed with commercial messages that promote an experience of aging that is far more possible on billboards than in the three-dimensional lives of most elderly people. . . . Our culture's compulsive spinning of old age into gold can inflict pscho-spiritual harm when it lures people into expecting a perpetually gilded existence."

While she favors our remaining active as long as possible, Rubin notes that not only aging, but old age, is inevitable, and often brings with it problems such as outliving savings and pensions, losing social connections, having to care for even older parents when we ourselves are old, and spending our children's intended inheritances. Even those happy, active seniors living in retirement communities often reach a point when they need to slow down and relax.

Originally planning to use Dylan Thomas' poem "Do not go gentle into that good night" as her book's epigram, Rubin learned that "it's one thing to 'burn and rave' at old age and another to do so 'against the dying light.'" She came to understand "how much our fight against the 'good night' costs, how our fear of death imprisons us . . and contanimates our life, how our denial of it closes us off from the full affirmation of the life we could be living."

This book should be "must" reading for everyone over 50 and for all those who study us, advertise to us, or oversee our care. While the realities presented are not, in general, pleasant ones, those of us over 70, at least, are likely to react with "How true!"