10 of 12 people found the following review helpful
on December 4, 2012
This movie really sucks. No plot. worse than a b movie. No good acting. The blood is fake. The actors show no emotion. I wish I had nit wasted 3 minutes watching it. Don't waste your time.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on January 10, 2013
A VAMPIRE'S TALE starts of incredibly slow and terrible only to finally become a decent horror film by the end. Unfortunately there is that whole beginning which is filled with terrible things to make you want to turn off the movie before the good arrives.
The opening sequence takes place in the old west where a gunslinger is calling out a bad guy only to be killed by a female vampire in the streets. The sequence feels wrong and out of place immediately with everyone wearing what appears to be brand new clothes that come straight from a costume shop as opposed to that feeling and appearance of the old west. Before you have time to think about it we move to the present.
Jacob (Doug Bradley) is an antiques dealer who is moving to the country with his completely unlikely family. Along for the ride are his new and pregnant wife Lauren and his snotty ward/step daughter Rachel. We know Rachel is snotty and a pain in the keester because she does nothing but complain about the move and about her Lauren. The trio does little more than bicker and fight on their trip to their new home which we know will lead to an eventual showdown between Lauren and Rachel.
A secondary story has two young men walking trails and camping nearby. They reference the movie AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON but trust me, the film is not nearly that good. While camping they come across a young woman out in the woods as well. Yeah right, that shouldn't make them worry. Indeed she is a vampire, the same one we saw at the beginning of the film, and she attacks them. One of the two men escapes and of course ends up at the home of the dysfunctional family. To top things off, Lauren begins to go into labor. Whoever thought moving a pregnant woman into a home 30 minutes from any nearby hospital was a genius.
Somehow, I honestly can't remember because by this time I was bored out of my skull and just wanted the character of Rachel to get a life (an amazing character by the way portrayed by an actress who looked far too old to be taken seriously in a role meant for a tween rather than an adult), the cowboy we saw killed in the opening sequence appears. It turns out he's a vampire too and wants to kill the female vampire. It turns out she's not just any vampire but the queen of them all. For his soul to rest, she needs to die.
The last 30 minutes of the film and the storyline that FINALLY presents itself turn out to be decent. This would have made a great episode of TALES FROM THE CRYPT rather than a feature film that actually feels long at 90 minutes, a good portion of which are used for the credits. But the movie does run longer than it should for what it contains and instead becomes a movie to avoid. My guess is with the name of Doug Bradley, who has portrayed the character of Pinhead in the HELLRAISER movies, they thought it would draw enough fans for them to make their money back. Unfortunately they didn't count on these same fans passing the word around about how disappointing this film is.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
What is it with these movies and the horrible lighting?! A VAMPIRE'S TALE is so dark at times you can't tell what's going on. And why is this cowboy saga set in jolly ol' England?
Add its incoherent plot, abysmal acting and horrible music, you have all the ingredients for a real stinker. Pewwww!
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
on March 17, 2013
I have seen a ton of vampire movies and this is as bad as it gets.
No plot line,bad acting,and just a plain bad movie.
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
on December 26, 2012
This film is typical of the kind of cheaply made trash that is killing independent film. There is nothing to praise here, although the film is unintentionally funny in places. For the truly desperate there is some nudity here. There are 2 attractive women in the film and 1 ugly one. The attractive women keep their clothes on. Avoid.
0 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on December 17, 2012
this film was slow in the begining...editing was poor...however acting by the teenage stepdaughter was a plus....the last 15 minutes is worth the price of the dvd..historical content was superb...the portrayal of lilith (the queen of women)was highly erotic from adams rape of her to the snake scene was a viagra plus...hot sexy and erotic....the cowboy doesnt go off into the sunset but a winter set...nice touch...love to see a sequel of this one...lots of possibilities here...lots...if you are a student of eroticism you will enjoy this one...nice surprises...lilith i love you...i want you ....good acting here also...