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Abbreviating Ernie:: A Novel
 
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Abbreviating Ernie:: A Novel [Hardcover]

Peter Lefcourt (Author)
4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)


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Book Description

March 4, 1997
The author of The Deal, The Dreyfuss Affair and Di and I creates a laugh-out-loud, sharp-edged, breathless farce. When a cross-dressing urologist from New York suffers a massive, fatal heart attack while having sex with his wife--who's handcuffed to the stove at the time--complications ensue. 320 pp. 25,000 print.

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

The title character of Peter Lefcourt's latest novel is Ernie Haas, a successful urologist who leaves the story's canvas rather abruptly after being castrated by his wife during a kinky sexual encounter in the kitchen of their Schenectady, New York home. This sordid event soon becomes the focal point of a media circus as Audrey Haas goes on trial for murder. Her case attracts the interest of feminist lawyers, ambitious DAs, and story-hungry journalists in search of the next "trial of the century." Throughout the course of this "Sodom in Schenectady," Mr. Lefcourt walks a fine line between exaggeration--satire's stock-in-trade--and the pitfalls of excess, but seldom does he falter. Starting with Ernie's death in a lady's knit suit and open-toed high heels and continuing straight through Audrey's celebrity trial, he piles absurdity on top of absurdity so expertly that the story seems fresh and original despite its resemblance to real-life headlines.

From Publishers Weekly

Daunting as the challenge might be to conceive a tale more farcical than the reality of national manias like the O.J. trial and the mutilation of John Wayne Bobbitt, Lefcourt (Di and I) meets it in this amusing, if uneven, satire. Schenectady, N.Y., urologist Ernie Haas likes to dress in women's clothes and have sex in unconventional places with his Prozac-dependent wife, Audrey. When he handcuffs her to the kitchen stove and suffers a fatal heart attack during their coupling, Audrey is trapped by his weight and his unflagging tumescence. Finding an electric carving knife, she severs Ernie's penis and works her way free of him-only to find that her troubles have just begun. In comes a benevolent burglar, then the cops intent on finding the missing penis, then the voyeuristic reporters, then the crusading lawyers, then the outraged special interest groups and, finally, the movie and publishing vultures, who circle around Audrey's high-profile trial. Lefcourt grafts on a gratuitous romance between rival reporters and closes with an epilogue that is uncharacteristically rote. He builds real suspense throughout Audrey's absurd trial, however, and packs his outrageous narrative with well-aimed zingers and barbed bits of wit.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 301 pages
  • Publisher: Villard; 1st edition (March 4, 1997)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0679439501
  • ISBN-13: 978-0679439509
  • Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,274,721 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Peter Lefcourt


Peter Lefcourt is a refugee from the trenches of Hollywood, where he has distinguished himself as a writer and producer of film and television. Among his credits are "Cagney and Lacey," for which he won an Emmy award; "Monte Carlo," in which he managed to keep Joan Collins in the same wardrobe for 35 pages; the relentlessly sentimental "Danielle Steel's Fine Things," and the underrated and hurried "The Women of Windsor," the most sordid, and thankfully last, miniseries about the British Royal Family.

He began writing novels after being declared "marginally unemployable" in the entertainment business by his agent. In 1991 Lefcourt published "The Deal"--an act of supreme hubris that effectively bit the hand that fed him and produced, in that wonderfully inverse and masochistic logic of Hollywood, a fresh demand for his screenwriting services. It remains a cult favorite in Hollywood and was one of the ten books that the late John Gotti reportedly ordered from jail.

Subsequently he has divided his time between screenplays and novels, publishing "The Dreyfus Affair" in 1992, his darkly comic look at homophobia in baseball as a historical analog to anti-Semitism in fin de siecle France, whose film rights The Walt Disney Company has optioned twice and let lapse twice in paroxysms of anxiety about what it says about the national pastime and, by extension, Disneyland.

In 1994, he published "Di And I," a heavily fictionalized version of his love affair with the late Princess of Wales. Princess Diana's own step-godmother, the late Barbara Cartland, herself no slouch when it came to publishing torrid books, declared the book "ghastly and unnecessary," which pushed the British edition briefly onto the bestseller lists. "Di And I" was optioned by Fine Line Pictures and was abandoned after Diana's untimely death.

"Abbreviating Ernie," his fourth novel, was inspired by his brush with notoriety after the appearance of "Di And I." At the time he was harassed by the British tabloids and spent seven excruciating minutes on "Entertainment Tonight." He was subsequently and fittingly bumped out of People Magazine by O.J. Simpson's white Bronco media event of June, 1994.

Lefcourt's research on a movie about the 1995 Bob Packwood scandal was the germ for his fifth novel, "The Woody." He saw the former senator's battle with the Senate Ethics Committee as evidence of the confusion in America regarding appropriate sexual behavior for politicians. Packwood became a sacrificial lamb by getting his dick caught in the buzzsaw of the zeitgeist.

His subsequent book, "Eleven Karens"--an erratically erotic fictional memoir of his love affairs with eleven women, all of whom happened to be named Karen, was published in 2003. He is still defending himself in a number of law suits brought by several of the apparently insufficiently fictionalized Karens.

He followed that with "The Manhattan Beach Project," a nominal sequel to The Deal, in that it follows the adventures of that book's hero, the intrepid Charlie Berns, who finds himself broke and attending meetings of the Brentwood chapter of Debtors Anonymous. Charlie manages to sell a reality TV show about the daily life of a warlord in Uzbekistan ("The Sopranos" meets "The Osbournes") to a secret division of ABC, named, appropriately, ABCD, charged with developing extreme reality TV series from a clandestine skunkworks in Manhattan Beach.

His latest book is entitled "An American Family," and it tells the story of an immigrant Jewish-American family on Long Island, beginning on the day John Kennedy was shot and ending the day before 9/11. This multi-generational saga, told from the point of view of five siblings born in the 1940's, traces the Pearl family's odyssey into the melting pot of twentieth century America.

He continues to dabble in film and television. He was the writer/creator of the Showtime TV series, "Beggars & Choosers," a darkly comic send-up of the television business. More recently, he spent a season in the writers' room of "Desperate Housewives," where he helped concoct some of the Byzantine plot lines of that infamous dark suburban soap opera.

Praise for Lefcourt's novels:

"You can count the wonderful novels about Hollywood on two hands...The Deal is one of them."
--LA Times

"...A hilarious romp through the world of national politics. [Lefcourt's] hapless hero is the perfect foil for all that's gone wrong in Washington...An irreverent, amusing read."
--USA Today

"This neon farce lights up the political spectrum to the left and the right of the primary colors...The Woody is like the best of farces, less interested in mocking historical figures and more keen to turn its light elsewhere."
--LA Times

"A good-natured romp through the dream factory of the 1990's."
--The New York Times

"Lefcourt flirts with offensiveness but never goes all the way."
----Kirkus Reviews

 

Customer Reviews

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Average Customer Review
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars A cut above average, April 25, 1997
By A Customer
This review is from: Abbreviating Ernie:: A Novel (Hardcover)
A Wonderfully wicked story of mass-media gone wild and the direction of justice in America today. Political correctness rules the roost especially in the field of spousal dismemberment. Male readers will wince repeatedly at the mere reference to the unkindest cut of all. Expect women to assist the sales figures for the Sunbeam? multi-purpose carving utensil. A rollicking and most entertaining read.<BR
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3.0 out of 5 stars Read the book before Siggy eats it, January 31, 2004
By 
James N Simpson (Gold Coast, QLD Australia) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)   
This review is from: Abbreviating Ernie:: A Novel (Hardcover)
New York urologist, Ernest Hest is married to a complete bimbo named Audrey who does nothing all day, neglects the pet Rottweiler Siggy, and dreams of being a weather girl. Ernest also likes to cross dress and one night while having consensual sex with Audrey, who is handcuffed to the kitchen stove, he dies. Without the intelligence to think of any other way to free herself from her dead husband, she uses an electric carving knife to remove his manhood and is of course still attached to the stove. A deaf Indian burglar who can't talk stumbles upon the bizarre scene and after feeding the starving Siggy, and cooking a lasagne for Audrey and leaving her a Diet Coke takes the stuff he came to steal and goes home. Burdened with the thoughts of Audrey chained to the stove he sends a fax to the cops who eventually decided to investigate and find Audrey handcuffed over the corpse of Ernie with his manhood nowhere to be found. Upon being uncuffed she decided to overdoses on prescription pills but unfortunately the cops save her by rushing her to the ER to have her stomach pumped.

From this event comes incompetent police officers, corrupt jurors, public defendants more interested in gaining rights for women who are victims of men than the truth and a media that just makes it up as it goes along. Audrey is charged with Ernie's murder which she could have avoided if she'd just told the cops what happened in the first place.

This novel is pretty interesting for the first third of the book but the second two thirds probably could have been cut down in length and do drag on unnecessarily for quite a bit. A good book to fill in time.

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