Customer Reviews

Abbreviating Ernie:: A Novel

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A Wonderfully wicked story of mass-media gone wild and the direction of justice in America today. Political correctness rules the roost especially in the field of spousal dismemberment. Male readers will wince repeatedly at the mere reference to the unkindest cut of all. Expect women to assist the sales figures for the Sunbeam? multi-purpose carving utensil. A rollicking and most entertaining read.<BR

New York urologist, Ernest Hest is married to a complete bimbo named Audrey who does nothing all day, neglects the pet Rottweiler Siggy, and dreams of being a weather girl. Ernest also likes to cross dress and one night while having consensual sex with Audrey, who is handcuffed to the kitchen stove, he dies. Without the intelligence to think of any other way to free herself from her dead husband, she uses an electric carving knife to remove his manhood and is of course still attached to the stove. A deaf Indian burglar who can't talk stumbles upon the bizarre scene and after feeding the starving Siggy, and cooking a lasagne for Audrey and leaving her a Diet Coke takes the stuff he came to steal and goes home. Burdened with the thoughts of Audrey chained to the stove he sends a fax to the cops who eventually decided to investigate and find Audrey handcuffed over the corpse of Ernie with his manhood nowhere to be found. Upon being uncuffed she decided to overdoses on prescription pills but unfortunately the cops save her by rushing her to the ER to have her stomach pumped.

From this event comes incompetent police officers, corrupt jurors, public defendants more interested in gaining rights for women who are victims of men than the truth and a media that just makes it up as it goes along. Audrey is charged with Ernie's murder which she could have avoided if she'd just told the cops what happened in the first place.

This novel is pretty interesting for the first third of the book but the second two thirds probably could have been cut down in length and do drag on unnecessarily for quite a bit. A good book to fill in time.