Customer Reviews

The Abolition of Marriage: How We Destroy Lasting Love

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Gallagher has produced an intelligent, much needed treatise. Her hypothesis is that marriage no longer exists. With no fault divorce one person in a marriage can end it anytime they choose for any reason. The traditional social contract of mom at home and dad at work depended on the legal contract that bound dad to mom, forever. Without that legal contract the social contract was destroyed as well. A woman who stays at home with her children today is a walking a tight-rope without a net. Gallagher points out that many women choose career over home out of fear, not necessity or ambition. She defends traditional marriage not in romance novel terms, but in the very real impact family breakup has on children. Gallagher explains why marriages should be saved even when not blissful. The value of marriage lies in working through difficult times more than in idealized romantic illusions.

Ms Gallagher presents a compelling argument against the current "no fault" divorce laws currently in effect in America. Unilateral divorce permits one impatient and self-centered defaulting party to dissolve a sacred economic and emotional bond for no reason, or as Gallagher wrote, "we gained the right to divorce and in the process lost the right to marry." The cost of this state of affairs has been wrecked lives-of abandoned spouses and neglected children, turning partnerships into games of prisoner's dilemma. Defenders of such encouragement of irresponsibility demand to be freed of any responsibility of reflecting carefully on their choice of mates or the effort required to develop a loving relationship. Such an attitude indicates either a willful blindness to the public consequences of private actions or a callous disregard to the lives of others. Gallagher's recommendation to terminate unilateral divorce would be a welcome relief, but as she points out, the federal constitution's "full faith and credit" clause currently functions to facilitate dissolution rather than affirm marriage. Changing this dynamic (plus permitting "discrimination" on the basis of marital status) while preventing collateral damage from nationally recognized bugger unions presents an interesting challenge. Whether the real adults in society can revitalize this crumbling legal and moral institution yet remains to be seen. _Abolition_ presents a clarion call.

Would more women want to stay home and take care of the house and kids if we respected them for it? As of right now, women who stay home(or want to) are punished by people in our society we look down on them as though it is not real work. But what work could be more valuable than to raise the next generation?

This book challenges much of the conventional wisdom that US society has adopted since the beginning of the modern welfare state and the sexual revolution. Ms. Gallagher outlines many of the destructive results that these modern trends have brought to bear on marriages and families.

After reading the book, it is hard not to question the liberalism that has changed our society in the past 40 years.

This book is a major eye-opener on too many issues to list. You won't think the same about marriage, divorce, and the long-term consequences of both. I've been married for 11 years, and have 3 kids. After I read this book, I've figured that, come hell or high water, my wife and I are sticking together forEVER. Far, far more at stake in marriage -- and divorce -- than most of us realize. This book is a profoundly disturbing -- and much-needed -- wakeup call about the consequences of divorce. And if you or someone you know has been thinking about getting divorced -- READ THIS FIRST. Cannot recommend this book too highly.

We all know that marriage is in trouble. Maggie Gallagher traces the social and legal changes contributing to the decline of marriage. She points out how the incessant quest for individual personal freedom and fulfilment undermines the marriage contract. Most recently, we try to recognize non-married relationships with many of the same rights as marriage, all in the name of supporting commited relationships, thereby undermining marriage further. Maggie's writing style is easy, without being simplistic, urgent, without being strident. This book is a "must read" for anyone interested in marriage today.

The author could have spent more time on why the subject of divorce is so polarizing, in my opinion. Why is it so hard to have an intelligent debate on this subject? Part of the answer has to do with the spectre of success and failure which is part of that subject, but since no one thinks divorce is positive could there be more?

To the previous reviewer who suggested that "til death do us part" used to refer to marriages which lasted five or ten years, that's a myth, average lifespan has not increased that much once one discounts improvements in infant mortality.

Yes, we'd all like to stay married forever (who marries with the intention of divorce?) and counseling is a must for troubled relationships. Divorce rates once were lower (at least in the recent past, not so if you go back further (200+ years) when it was more common), but I doubt couples were any happier. Many just went along to get along. We're also living much longer than people used to. In the past "til death do us part" might have been five to ten years -- today 40 plus! As a society we have no widespread experience with such long-lived relationships. People who think most people get a divorce at the first sign of trouble and treat their relationships as disposible are mistaken. Divorce is usually reached after years of agony. Most people who divorce say they would literally have died emotionally if they'd stayed together. That can't be healthy.

Maggie Gallagher never fails to identify herself as a 'marriage expert' (exact words). I'm not exactly sure what qualifies her for that title. If her nostrums for American marriage were taken seriously, she would BECOME an expert--in leeching the joy, spontaneity, fun, and general feeling-for-life that exists in real, human marriages. Under the Gallagher-ian regime, marriage is not a statement of lasting love, companionship, lust, and mutuality between two human souls but rather a smothering shroud which would benefit society if we were all to just wrap ourselves in and then go to sleep and stop asking inconvenient questions for the rest of our lives.

The choice is clear; You can be a reasoned, cultured person, interested in life and open to the possibility of loving another person. Or you can get a Maggie Gallagher-style marriage.

Please see the Washington Post and its January 26, 2005 article by Howard Kurtz. This woman was paid tens of thousands of dollars by the current administration to help turn marriage into a partisan issue. Then she conveniently failed to disclose this relationship to either her readers or her publishers, carefully hiding the truth for years. She is a disgrace, a prostitute with a pen, third rate sophist paid to make the weaker argument seem stronger and the stronger weaker.