3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
THE BEST BAD MOVIE EVER!, August 8, 2008
This review is from: Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe (DVD)
Length:: 0:27 Mins
And that's no joke! I ordered this last week, very anxious to see this in spite of it's bad rep. It finally came in today and I saw it! The best bad movie ever! Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe XD.
Now, onto the movie. The movie centers around an intergalactic cop named obviously, Abraxas (Played by Jesse Ventura from Predator. He gets top billing in this as most of the movies he's been in like Predator or Running Man, he usually co-stars as a jerk who gets killed early in a movie) in pursuit of his ex-partner turned renegade, Secundus (Played hilariously by Sven-Ole Thorsen from The Running Man) on earth. We then stumble upon a young couple, the girl, Sonia Murray (Being played by Marjorie Bransfield) wants to keep her virginity, even though her boyfriend wants to get laid with her. Secundus then comes across the couple and tosses the boyfriend out of the car and drives off with Sonia. It is unknown what happens to the boyfriend aftewards. Secundus then asks Sonia if she's fertile and then rapes her by placing his hand on her tummy (WTF!?!) A few minutes later, she gives birth, but how did she do it without anyone to help her? Did she gag it out of her mouth or something? Later, she is seen at her house with her parents, who kick her out of the house because she doesn't know who the father is. Flash foward to Abraxas' home planet. Dar and Hite (Abraxas' dispatchers, would you believe it if I said that the guy playing Dar happened to be the film's director?) have discovered that Secundus has now broken out of his jail and escaped. So after some arguing, they send Abraxas to earth to pursue Secundus yet again. Secundus has returned to earth, 5 years after he impregnated Sonia, to search for Sonia's child, Tommy, who just so happens to be a Comator or something like that. He apparently, has the anti-life equation, which is capable of destroying a world.
I don't think I need to go any further with the plot. I will say there are a lot of unintentionally funny moments, like Jesse saying "My Box has V.D." What's especially funny (unintentionally) is the movie's soundtrack. It's mostly soft jazz playing during the fight sequences, which is very unfitting for a fight sequence, yet laughable at the same time. There's also a somehow pointless scene of Secundus smashing some bottles of Pepsi (My favorite soda btw), which could explain why the movie happens to be sponsored by Coca-Cola, after he steals the Jeep from the camping family. Jim Belushi makes a quick and somehow pointless cameo as the Principle of Tommy's school. He did the cameo as a favor to Marjorie Bransfield, who plays Sonia. And towards the end, for no reason at all, while Secundus confronts Tommy in the warehouse, the song "Strong As I Am" (From "Manhunter") by The Prime Movers, is heard, and just like the Kenny G music playing during the fight sequences, it does not fit the scene at all. It works better in "Manhunter" than it does here.
As for the DVD, it appears to be VHS sourced, as the Cineplex Odeon Video logo appears before the movie. What's also funny is that the menu title says "Abraxus" (LMAO!) And in case anyone's wondering, the PG-13 version (Which is this DVD that I bought) omits a brief scene of nudity during the strip club scene. The original VHS from Prism Entertainment, which is long OOP, contains the whole strip club scene, as it's the R-Rated Version. Also, I attached a brief clip of the last fight sequence in the movie, which of course, has the elevator muzak attached, LOL. Seriously, it's very hilarious. Seeing 2 intergalactic warriors fighting it out to easy listening.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
This movie sucks and had a good story line, November 15, 2008
Darn!!!! The acting by the lead charter was well it stank. But the story line was well written. I must admit that I have seen some of his later work and it was a lot better. I give everyone an fair shake and this movie needs to be remade. Who ever wrote this movie needs to have their hand shaken. A.L. Scott
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