Customer Reviews

Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Sure the movie is low budget, kind of forgettable and bad. That doesn't make it a shoe-in for a zero rating, though folks. We've got the immortal line in this flick: "My box has VD." And let's not forget the slow-motion fighting to Kenny G inspired music, with random nonsensical explosions happening in the background...or the woman who has a baby with all her clothes on! There's PLENTY of entertainment to be gleaned from this movie, you cinema snobs just don't know where to look for it. All in all, I recommend it to people who want to see unintentional humor, and who don't expect every movie to be made with a 100 million plus budget. Jeez...if you wanna see a true blue zero rating, rent Sextette, and leave this modest effort alone!

When the true movie critics speaks about the science fiction classics we often get lectures on star wars and other high budget motion pictures. What we have to remember is the ones who never got into the herds view of sight. One of these movies are Abraxas. A movie which never got the attention it deserved. If the true soldiers of iron culture will ever emerge, Abraxas will their movie of inspiration.

Yes, it's low budget. If you require expensive pyrotechnics and special effects, you will not find them in "Abraxas." Yes, the leading lady could not act her way out of a paper bag. But I enjoyed the plot, the supporting characters of the 2 small-town police officers, funny scenes like 2 small-town waitresses having to serve breakfast to Sven-Ole Thorssen even though he's huge, brooding and looks just like the description of the man who's just murdered 2 or 3 townspeople. Jesse Ventura does a creditable acting job. The VHS box copy makes it sound like a a slam-bam action film, but that's not what "Abraxas" really is. If you're looking for a rather sweet little film that looks like people tried really hard to make something good without much money, I think you'll like it. I loved the scene where Jesse threatens his wrist computer "answer box" with deactivation of its vocal mode if it doesn't stop telling him how to carry out his mission.

as many reviewers around the world have said, "Abraxas? no never heard of it".. the height of bad movies, you'll find yourself laughing at good ol' governor of minesottas bad acting, nakedness and so on, the Jazzy soundtrack played to death also helps make this movie a hilarious good time, during one of the biggest fights in the film, all you can hear is soft jazz playing in the backround, the story loosely revolves around Abraxas, a guy sent out to kill his ex partner who's trying to become the supreme being, they brawl, break stuff, Abraxas falls in love.. etc.. and on and on.. go rent it right away, invite some friends over, but I don't suggest buying it.

As a Minnesotan, I take a strange pride that my state elected Jesse Ventura, former pro wrestler, and grade Z movie actor as Governor. Of, course, Jesse has been in several films, most notably "Predator" with Arnold Schwarzenegger (possible future governor of California...hmmm...is there a trend here?)

In Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe, Jesse is an intergalactic space cop of some variety who tries to track down the evil Secundus, played by Sven-Ole Thorsen who has had a space child with knowledge of an important equation that can destroy the universe.

This movie is cheesy and never too dark (even though the director was trying to make it dark) yet it still manages to be entertaining in a MST3K sort of manner. Many great scenes abound, including watching Secundus eat breakfast (he orders the entire menu), watching Jesse's wrist radio thing interrupt romance, and my personal favorite: watching school principal Jim Belushi attempt to look serious in an embarrassingly badly written counseling session.

This is a great little cheap movie to watch when you just want to relax and have some fun with friends. Sure! You betcha!

"Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe" is the best thing ever filmed in northern Ontario. A "thrilling" chase opens this unintentional comedic masterwork, which features many "all-time" moments, such as:

MOST PATHETIC CAMEO OF ALL TIME: I don't know how they got Jim Belushi to drive out to Thornbury to be in Abraxas, but he appears in the worst scene in the film. Somebody must have done him one hell of a favour, because there's no way he did this for money - since the producers clearly had none.

MOST INAPPROPRIATE SCORE OF ALL TIME: Lame saxophone and soft jazz should never be combined with fights and chases - let alone the sketchy scene with a half-naked Ventura and a young boy where Abraxas' "tale of two men" bit comes off as disturbing, and thus funny.

LEAST PLOT EXPLANATION OF ALL TIME: If you can tell me what "the colmater" is (beyond the fact that it's the kid) I'd really like to know. Also, the exact nature of the "anti-life equation" (and the equally sinister "anti-life universe")is open to debate.

All of these diverse elements combine to form some serious low-budget hilarity. Ventura and Thorson discussing the anti-life equation is right up there with Monty Python's Dead Parrot bit as far as I'm concerned. If you don't laugh at this movie you are either soulless or retarded.

"Bring me the colmater!"

The boys from Running Man (Jesse Ventura and Sven-Ole Thorsen) are back again. Only this time they hook up with director Damien Lee for what I can only describe as a low budget attempt at making a derivative science fiction film. To be fair this movie isn't completely bad, but it's not in the realm of good either.

Funny thing is you can find that this movie takes a page off of other sci-fi movies, good or bad. I saw elements from such films as Terminator, Firestarter, I Come In Peace and Xtro. Not exactly a winning combination. What makes the story even more convoluted is they don't take enough time to really explain what's up with concepts like "anti-life equation" or "co-mater". You end up wondering if anybody really knows what this stuff is.

The acting is... well... dry for the most part with some decent performances now and then. James Belushi's performance was the best by far. Unfortunately his part was the lamest by far and could have been taken out with absolutely no loss of story (what little there is), though that would be taking out a rather humorous scene as well. Special effects aren't special and were mercifully few and far between. Also the audio is monophonic. That's right boys and girls. It was made in the 90's and they couldn't even mix the movie in stereo. Well considering this is an ultra low budget movie you can't really expect much anyway.

As canned as most of the acting was you would find some nice moments with Ventura and some (just some) of the scripting was entertaining. For example nasty villain Secundus (Thorsen) finishes eating at a diner and is given a bill. Not knowing what to do with it he eats it (trust me, it's funny when you see it). Ahh... little moments like that had me end up smiling by the end of the movie.

The best I can recommend for Abraxas is is to find it in one of those sci-fi movie packs where you get a mess of low-budget movies at one low price. If you can get past the low budget effects and canned script then there is hope you might enjoy it. Me? ...meh.

I found Damian Lee's movie 'Abraxas' best appreciated as a Digital Video Disc...not because of the clarity of the digitally reproduced picture and sound, but because it is just thin enough to wedge under the leg of my end table to keep it from wobbling. Which is a far better use for it than actually watching it as it tends to cause severe nausea which is why, I'm told, it will replace 'Ishtar' as the CIA's favorite method of torturing captured terrorists and 'Chitty-chitty-bang-bang' as the IRS's preferred incentive to induce tax cheats to pay up. Let's face it, had just an hour and a half more of this turkey wound up on the cutting room floor, we wouldn't be having this little discussion. 'Why?' you ask. Well, the 'acting' left only acting to be desired, there was a little problem with the plot...well, essentially there was no plot, which may explain the acting, the characters were thoroughly forgettable as they had none and the special effects were neither 'special' nor 'effective' consisting as they did of cheasy, fire cracker-grade explosions and blurred images...the latter of the two, in all fairness, could have been problems they had getting it developed at the Photomat. A sheer waste of time, film and the five dollars it looks to have been spent to make it, 'Abraxas' will go down in history as a film so thouroughly forgettable that...uh, what was I talking about?

It is rare that a film of such poor quality gets published in any form. It appears that a bunch of bodybuilders were given poor scripts, poor special effects, and worse advice on acting. The film appears to have been coded with the MPG1 video standard and badly at that. The story is terrible, and seems to assume that you know what the hell is going on.

AVOID THIS ONE LIKE THE PLAGUE. (I made the mistake of buying it.... SUCKER!!!!)

I only give this ONE star because I can't give it NONE..........