Customer Reviews

Absolution [VHS]

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Mario Lopez and his co-stars, B/Teen-movie queen Jamie Pressly and Richard Grieco should have had a long talk with their agents, asking "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??" by getting them involved in this disaster. Lopez had already gotten favorable reviews for his acting in "Breaking the Surface" by the time he shot this, and this was several steps backward, to his "Bell" days.

Lopez plays Ryan Murphy, a cadet at a military training "academy" in the dark barren and frozen country that was once the USA, before it was wiped out (along with most of the earth and its inhabitants) by a meteor a couple of decades earlier. The academy, training hunky young men to protect the "New America" (from what, it isn't exactly clear), is headed up by the self-described "hardass" Sgt Bradley (overplayed with a perpetual grimace by Grieco), who puts the best of his troops through special training (and on a diet of steroids) to be part of something called the "Z-Team", which is actually his creation to help the aliens who first tried to destroy earth to come and take it over. (If you are shaking your head saying "Whaaaat?", be assured it is not any clearer when you are watching it.)

Now I'll admit I am a fan of really BAD science fiction films, but this one doesn't even deserve to be considered part of that genre. The story has holes in it you can pass a meteor through, the dialogue could not be any more predictable if that was your goal, a special effects budget I'd estimate at about two bucks, plot developments that make no sense whatsoever, and overacting runs rampant. Much of the dialogue seems ad-libbed, such as Grieco's frequent exclamations of "For Pete's sake" which are ludicrous for his character. However, since the film is directed by David DeCocteau (known for his schlocky quasi-horror films that uniformly feature hunky young guys in boxer briefs), you know you'll see Mario and his fellow cadets in their "tighty whities."

What about Jamie Pressly? She plays a prostitute, one of two who are somehow allowed to roam freely through the academy. Considering most of the scenes with them are simply watching her friend dance topless while the boys hug each other or burn each other with cigars (Never mind the fact that they're all stripped to their boxer briefs), it's obvious the only reason they are there is to avoid assumptions that the soldiers of the future are all gay. Don't ask, don't tell, indeed! There is one sex scene between Pressly and Lopez, in which Lopez manages to keep his white boxer-briefs on so long it is almost laughable.Very brief shot of rear nudity.

I could go on and on about the stupidity in this film (why the locker room has hundreds of lockers, when it is apparent the academy holds maybe 20-25 guys at most; how Lopez and Pressly can OUTRUN an explosion, especially since they pause mid-run several times to look back at it; and how they had the nerve to use what looks like a standard web camera as the "alien communication device" Grieco uses). Suffice it to say that the only reasons to see this film might be (1) if you are obsessed with Mario Lopez, (2) you enjoy seeing a dozen or so hunky young men in their boxer briefs, or (3) "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" was just too intelligent for you to follow!

This movie will probably excite only two groups of people: fans of latin hunk Mario Lopez and individuals who like to see scantily clad, well-built young men.

The movie purports to be sci-fi but the plot is confusing and unrealistic even for sci-fi standards. The dialogue is predictable and the actors try to make it serious but you can't do much with "you don't wanna ask questions" and other frequently used dialogue lines.

Mario Lopez stars and tries to act but the script forces him to behave and talk like his Slater character on "Saved by the Bell." Even his lead-up dialogue to his love scene with Jamie Pressley is predictable. The scene leaves you watching them talk and then all of a sudden they kiss and are in bed together. Lopez's physique is seen frequently, along with numerous other handsome men, so if you like hunky men, it's not bad. But, having seen his ability to do more than just mouth lines in "Breaking the Surface: The Greg Louganis Story", fans of Lopez will be disappointed that he's in another Slateresque tough guy, I can kick your butt role.

Richard Grieco and Jamie Pressley are also wasted in this film, although Grieco is humorous at times. However, you can tell he's trying to "act" dramatic and the effect ruins the lines.

If you're looking for an interesting story, you'll be disappointed. If you're looking for dramatic sci-fi action, you'll be disappointed. And fans of Lopez will hope he finds a better script for his next project.

After most of the Earth was destroyed by a meteor, there exists a boot camp of New America in the Arctic. Now there seems to be people living in other areas, but we never get a feel for that. Ryan Murphy (Mario Lopez) shows up at this boot camp because his friend is missing plus there are odd things going on. (I liked this plot better when it involved prison girls.) Richard Grieco plays a psychotic Sargent, who idolizes Nixon. Murphy is assigned to Echo Group and immediately doesn't fit in. Somehow pretty females are allowed to go into the cadet's barracks for drunken comfort sessions including Jamie Pressly who makes love to Ryan Murphy on his extra wide army cot. It is nudity which deserves four stars, but the movie stank so bad I could only muster 2 stars in spite of Jamie's perky effort. Did I mention the aliens and the molecular transport which caused the disaster? An MST-3000 candidate.

and were planning on getting this for Jaime Pressly, just forget it. Poison Ivy 3 gives you all you need to see from her. The "sex scene" in this is utterly bad. They don't even bother to hide the fact that she's got panties on the whole time and is doing nothing but emotionless posing throughout. It's so unerotic that it's hardly even worth calling it a sex scene. You're better off searching for a d-load of that scene to see for yourself that it's a dud. Just plain dull, like the film. As you can see, this film's true fans are of another sort, which should tell you something.

There are 3 types of people this movie will appeal to. Gay men, women hard up to see built men in their skivvies and die-hard Jaime Pressly fans (the last one would be me). If you're looking for a story or even a cheesy B movie to have fun with then look elsewhere. The main goal of this movie is to show men in their underwear. For me the nude love scene with Jaime Pressly for a few minutes in the prime of her prime look wise was worth the cheap price of the movie. Don't go thinking you are going to get anything like Poison Ivy the new seduction with this movie. There is only the one scene.

I was disappointed that after waiting forever for this to be released on DVD that they didn't do it in widescreen. I was hoping that they included both wide and full on the DVD but no such luck. I also have the region 2 copy of this movie and it is in widescreen, but it only plays on my computer not in my DVD player.

A previous rewiewer has said it well: The plot is silly. The only reason to see this movie is the striking young men who jock around being cadets in their underwear or less. If you like this, go for it. It was enough to make me buy the movie and see it twice. As I think about it, I believe I'll go home and see it again. Maybe with the sound off; it won't make that much difference.

Sometimes one wants a plot with one's hunks, and a good choice for this is "Moon Base 44" with Michael Pare. The hunks are older than in "Absolution" and not so well scrubbed, in spite of the shower scene, but the plot is downright interesting.

Of course, the best science fiction/hunk movie at present is "12 Monkeys," in which Brad Pitt and a surprisingly well-built Bruce Willis bare all for their art. This would be engrossing even without the nudity.

The plot is retarded and the budget of this film was probably in the 3 digit range. However, what makes this movie an absolute treasure is seeing Mario Lopez in various stages of undress in almost every other scene. This is better than his workout book! And the other male actors who seem to have a wardrobe that consists of only underwear and white towels aren't that sore on the eyes either!

Mario Lopez does a great job in this movie. It was a good movie. I would recommend you watch it. Nice looking guys in this one.

Not bad for the genre,the actors did a good job with a mediocre script. Lopez was breathtaking, Grieco was Grieco. A good way to waste 90 minutes or so .

Buy this video for Mario Lopez and the other hunks in their underwear. Well worth it! Waiting for the DVD...