Accidentally on Purpose: A One-Night Stand, My Unplanned Parenthood, and Loving the Best Mistake I Ever Made [Hardcover]

Mary F. Pols (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 3, 2008

Mary Pols had always wanted children, but Mr. Right had never come along. Then one day she met a guy. Cute. Much younger. Definitely unsuitable. But she went home with him anyway. What was the worst that could happen? Well, nine months later she was going to find out...As time unfolds, Mary's problems seem to grow as rapidly as her bump. Money. Childcare. How to tell her large, respectable family (especially her dad). Above all, what is she to do about the baby's father? He's sexy but hopeless - almost as much of a boy as her baby-to-be. "Accidentally on Purpose" is a funny, heartwarming true story about becoming a mother, finding happiness in the unexpected and compromising in the name of love.

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

First-time author Pols fashions an earnest, endearing memoir about how she hit her late 30s without a mate, but still managed to beat her biological clock. Finding herself pregnant at 39 after picking up a cute 29-year-old named Matt at a Bay Area bar, the author, the youngest of a large Catholic family from Maine, resolved to make a go at single motherhood. A successful film critic, if not exactly rich, she nonetheless figured out (with the help of her devoted circle of friends and family) a plan to live and raise the baby, including residing for a spell in a friend's trailer while pregnant. She barely knows her baby daddy, whom she portrays as sweet, if mostly directionless and unemployed. Her book good-naturedly traces some of the early hurdles of her experience, such as telling the Grinch (her father), finding out the sex of the baby and trying to sneak into a film screening with her infant. Candid and unaffected, Pols provides an important lesson about not being willing to compromise herself, and that being brave can bring the richest rewards. (June)
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Review

“… a well-written, emotionally honest memoir of Pols’ journey to motherhood and increased maturity…. She details with wit and humor her efforts to juggle her many challenges…” (BookPage )

“Sharp, witty and slightly self-deprecating, she alternates clever, camera-ready one-liners with intense self-revelations about parents, children, love and family….” (San Francisco Chronicle )

“It’s funny, intimate, wise, and real, and we get to root for forty­something Mary, her twentysomething coparent, Matt, and their little son, Dolan, now four.” (Elle )

“Candid and unaffected, Pols provides an important lesson about not being willing to compromise herself, and that being brave can bring the richest rewards.” (Publishers Weekly )

“Astutely witty...will grip you to the very last page. This is a feminist tale for our age.” (Heidi Julavits, author of The Uses of Enchantment )

“...far transcends its particulars...thoughtful, funny and sexy...a delightful meditation on partnership, desire, fulfillment...” (Peggy Orenstein, bestselling author of Schoolgirls and Waiting for Daisy )

“[Pols writes] with humor and grace. . . . It’s rare to find such honesty, even in an account so personal. Grade: A-” (Entertainment Weekly )

“Her writing is mesmerizing and lyrical. I laughed and cried and shook my head at some of her choices, but I rooted for her and her son the whole way.” (Minneapolis Star Tribune )

“Amid joy and heartbreak, Pols grows from a self-absorbed and judgmental whiner into a self-aware adult and loving mother. It’s her transformation that makes this memoir an unforgettable read.” (Diablo Magazine )

“Ms. Pols is a charming and insightful storyteller, and her memoir is both engrossing and endearing ...” (New York Observer )

“Bay Area film critic Pols chronicles her unexpected pregnancy and journey into not-quite-single motherhood….A page-turner by someone who stopped waiting for Mr. Perfect.” (Kirkus Reviews )

“... [A] touching, funny, and brutally honest story...[Pols] is opinionated, vulnerable, droll, tenacious, acerbic, loyal...real.” (Kate Moses, author of Because I Said So: 33 Mothers Write About Children, Sex, Men, Aging, Faith, Race & Themselves )

“Much as Pols’s story resembles the Judd Apatow movie, it is distinct in its heartfelt description of a woman who has come up against the edge of youth and expectation.” (Cookie Magazine )

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Ecco; 1 edition (June 3, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0061256927
• ISBN-13: 978-0061256929
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 3.8 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,215,093 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Mary Pols is the author of "Accidentally on Purpose" (June 2008, Ecco/Harper Collins. In hardback, it had one of those long subtitles that give away a lot and we've streamlined it for the paperback release to "The True Tale of a Happy Single Mother." A native of Maine, Pols has spent most of her professional life as a journalist in California. From 2000 to 2008 she was the film critic for the Contra Costa Times in the Bay Area, and before that, a staff writer for the Los Angeles Times, Seattle Times and the Los Angeles Daily News. Pols lives in Northern California and is working on her next book, a novel. She's also a freelance journalist and critic. Her movie reviews can be found at Time.com and MSN Movies.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

17 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars With reservations..., August 11, 2008

By 

a lange "a lange" (michigan) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Accidentally on Purpose: A One-Night Stand, My Unplanned Parenthood, and Loving the Best Mistake I Ever Made (Hardcover)

Though I really enjoyed this book for a variety of reasons, it concerns me that Pols was so ruthless and revealing about her relationship with her son's father. Although she certainly does not paint herself as the perfect mate or parent, she is not gracious about her son's father's (perceived) failings. I just thought it brutal, and more than a little indecorous to go into such detail about their sexual behavior and how he doesn't measure up in so many ways. How unkind a picture to bequeath her son! I think the rationale that it is for "art's sake" is thin, and symptomatic of our boundry-less popular culture. Sure, Pols is honest about her own warts, but that doesn't mitigate the cruel overexposure she has subjected her son and his father to.

That said, it is often funny and definitely a page-turner.

12 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Unexpected Motherhood Gives Pols Insight Into Various Types of Love, June 12, 2008

By 

Rachel Kramer Bussel "Cupcakes Take the Cake ... (New York City) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: Accidentally on Purpose: A One-Night Stand, My Unplanned Parenthood, and Loving the Best Mistake I Ever Made (Hardcover)

SPOILERS: Mary F. Pols's memoir starts out with a one-night stand, but winds up being as much a meditation on her family of origin as the one she creates with a most unlikely mate. At 39, she has wanted a child, but hasn't done much to move that process along. When she finds herself unexpectedly pregnant, she doesn't question keeping the baby, but does question who she wound up procreating with: Matt, an unemployed guy ten years her junior with roommates, a messy apartment, and little ambition. Though she's hot for him and continues to be throughout her pregnancy, reconciling his role in her life is something that doesn't stop even after she gives birth to her son Dolan (a family name).

Pols's pregnancy and birth story are the backbone of this book, but equally as important is her large family, which is in flux as each of her parents go on the decline as her pregnancy progresses. Pols weaves in memories of her parents as well as her sense that she is not living up to what they'd expected of her. But what Pols learns again and again is not to underestimate those around her, whether it's her father's acceptance of her unwed and single state (and of Matt as the father of his grandson) as well as Matt's ability to rise up to his role as father.

When Pols finds out Matt had been cheating on her toward the end of her pregnancy, it's one of the rawest parts of the book, one where both people seem "right" as well as "wrong." Pols is understandably angry ("'Was this mercy f---ing?" I asked. "Taking care of the pregnant woman's needs? You felt nothing at all?'") but it's clear that Matt has been upfront with her from the start. Their tumultuous push-pull relationship is a struggle especially once they become parents.

Does this book have a happy ending? Yes, and no. In fact, the latter chapters, dealing with the deaths of Pols's parents, are intense, and (sorry to spoil it) but there is no wedding or a traditional happily ever after. But I think the lesson of the book is that one's vision of "Happily Ever After" cannot stay fixed in stone, especially when it comes to childrearing. Pols was forced to rearrange and update and transform her vision, to embrace both her child's father and the people she lost even as she gained her son. "He makes me so happy I can hardly stand it," Pols writes of her son, after he's snuggled up to her and said, "I'm petting you." That's not to say that Pols started out bitter and cynical and wound up smiling and maternal, but rather the potential to love so unconditionally was brought out by her dealings with Matt and feelings for her son, and reflected back at her in the ways she and her siblings coped with her parents' deaths.

Pols also speaks to the gap she felt between her peers who were already mothers and the path she chose as a movie critic. Her abortion at 21 left her feeling that "I'd failed as a daughter and I'd failed as the mother of the child I could have had."

Ultimately, Pols speaks to a story greater than her own. Through her co-parenting arrangement, she is remaking what we mean when we think of the "single mother," while being honest about the challenges as well as positives of such a setup. She gives hope to those who either never really thought about having kids, or couldn't seem to get it together to do so, and while she's not urging her readers to go off and get knocked up in a one-night stands, this isn't just a "make lemonade out of lemons" endurance. The central question of the book's title can never truly be answered, and perhaps a little of each are what made for the "best mistake" of Pols's life.

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Inspiring and fun, June 3, 2008

By 

Tina "Tina" (Montreal, Quebec) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)   

This review is from: Accidentally on Purpose: A One-Night Stand, My Unplanned Parenthood, and Loving the Best Mistake I Ever Made (Hardcover)

Mary Pols is getting older and her life has not quite turned out the way she would have liked. She is way too close to 40, her love life is a bit of a problem and she is not quite sure where to go from there.

Yet, one night, fate intervenes - while having a one night stand - she accidentally gets pregnant.

From that point on, life is never quite the same -and that is just fine with the author!

This absolutely funny, endearing and somewhat romantic (if at times frustrating) memoir shows us that being a single mom is the hardest job you will ever do, but also the most rewarding. We follow Mary through her many, many ups and downs and we can almost physically see the learning curve she is on (what a ride).

Into the mix, of course, is the man who fathered her child - who, at times, seems to bring out Mary's maternal instincts even more.

Follow the journey as Mary tries to figure out which her the two men in her life is the biggest baby!!!!

I loved this memoir - I am hoping Mary will write a follow up so that we can find out the next chapter in everyone's life!!!