Customer Reviews

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

5 star:		(580)
4 star:		(181)
3 star:		(64)
2 star:		(38)
1 star:		(114)

 

 

The central premise of Steve Harvey's book is that women are not setting stringent enough standards in their romantic dealings with men. As such, he posits, they are giving away their social power and selling themselves short on their dating/mating goals.

Steve is partially correct, but he misses the central point. It is true that women do tend to settle for less than they truly want when dating, but the damage they're doing to themselves is not ultimately a result of letting men get away with murder, so to speak. Rather, the problem originates from the fact that women are choosing the wrong men. Decent men don't look for any opportunity to take advantage of women. They don't take that mile when given the proverbial inch. The men who do are the players, chiselers and con artists, the kinds of men who may look good in the store window but fall totally apart when you get them home from the mall.

'Act Like a Lady' ultimately is a rehashing of the familiar 'men are incorrigible dogs' theory of gender. It's a tired story that I'd hope we had moved past, but here it is again in a new package. Yes, men like sex. Yes, men like to look around. But decent men are able to control their urges, especially when they know that not doing so will cause great pain to those around them. Steve's theory doesn't stand up to real life, where if you spend any time, you quickly realize that uniqueness is a defining human personality trait.

Most women do have high standards--that is, until they run into a man who knows all the right things to say to circumvent their defenses. A woman can absolutely KNOW that she's worth all the trouble, but she'll totally drop her guard when a skilled player comes along saying all the right things. He's selling something she didn't even consciously realize that she wanted, and in the end she's a sucker for it. Some guys get very good at this because they practice deception from an early age with girls. It's up to women to see these men for who they are and to look the other way when they pour on the insincere charm.

Women need to realize that the adage 'all that glitters is not gold' applies to men as well as minerals.

This terribly-written book has Harvey spouting humorless relational philosophy, such as "men are simple creatures." And he proves that point by writing such a simple-minded book that it's a complete waste of time to read it.

The book is sexist, stereotyping all men into knuckle-dragging, sports-loving hunters that just need a little sex to keep them happy. The book is addressed to women, telling them to dress better, accept that the guy won't talk much, and give sex more often in order to keep their guy from straying.

Most offensive is Harvey's constant references to "the Lord" and Jesus, leading people to believe he upholds spirituality, yet he point blank tells people to have sex after 90 days together and accepts a couple living together without being married. He often mentions going to church--didn't he learn anything there?

He also conveniently fails to mention that he has been married three times. The book would lead you to believe he was married once, to a woman he admittedly slept with and cheated on before she threatened to walk out on him. There is also no real mention of his children. A quick check of his bio online will uncover the truth. If you can't trust a guy writing a book about relationships to come clean about his own relationships, then why read the book?

There are a couple of valid points, such as the fact that men need respect and loyalty from women. But the lousy writing style and simplistic examples negate any reason to read this book.

I don't understand why everyone thinks this is such a great book. While I found less than a half a dozen things to even smile about. I did find lots of stereotypical fluff and nonsense. If the author intended this book to be funny, he missed the boat. Its not. But if that's what you bought this book for, what a waste of both time and money. Because the alternative would be sad... advice???? I hope readers aren't using this sludge as groundbreaking, thought provoking or insightful advice. Its almost mind-numbing to think most women wouldn't already know most of this. SH is careful to say that all men don't fit into his categories. I would be more apt to say, that most men or the good ones, don't.) One example...SH says he doesn't know a single man who has NOT cheated on his wife. He should probably concentrate on getting a better class of friends and leave the advice to others better "suited."

I was disgusted by most of the advice in this book. I was shocked by his misogynistic views on love and marriage. It's one thing to help a man feel like a man, but what about a woman's wants and needs? "Give up Scuba diving honey- I don't like you doing it. Oh and if you don't have sex like a horny teenager I will find someone else who will- and that is your fault" I was just so disappointed by this book.

The WOMAN always has to do the work in a relationship. And I don't mean just for her part of the half, but for both halfs of the whole. I'm willing to bet for every 100 books that are written to 'guide' women to build healthy relationships, .010 of a book is written directed towards the man. Let's study up ladies - is the message. Since men share not of the burden and all of the reward. Seems eerily similar to training a dog since relationship success is portrayed and marketed as singularly one-sided. Men are already a lot of work, but they should assume some of the responsiblity towards relationship building even if not 50/50.

From: www.BasilAndSpice.com
Author & Book Views On A Healthy Life!

Book Review: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment (Harper Collins, 2009) by Steve Harvey with Denene Miller

Veteran comedian Steve Harvey has risen to the pinnacle of the love and relationships world with one book--Act Like a Lady--Think Like A Man (Harper Collins, 2009) with Denene Miller. The son of parents who have been married 46 years, Harvey's book developed out of questions from many women during the course of his show, who simply do not understand the simplicity of men. The purpose of the book: show women how to achieve a solid relationship, whether they're dating, engaged, or married.

Harvey writes that men focus on three points of extreme interest:

1. Who they are (their title)
2. How they get their title (job/career)
3. And what they achieve (money earned)

I've been married more than 20 years to my own husband. I must agree with Harvey, that this is true. Men are defined by other men. They look at each other's car/truck, watch, home, etc..as signs of success. Until a man is on his way in life, he cannot sit around and discuss his relationship with you. Harvey clarifies this situation quite well.

Before a relationship progresses too far, Harvey wants every woman to ask her potential man these five questions:

1. What are your short-term goals?
2. What are your long-term goals?
3. What are your views on relationships?
4. What do you think about me?
5. How do you feel about me?

22 years ago, I asked my husband similar questions, including what he thought about children and divorce.

Harvey includes further great chapters which really open up a man's mind to a woman:

* "Men Respect Standards--Get Some"
* "Why Men Cheat"
* "Mama's Boys"
* "Sports Fish vs. Keepers--" Example: "A woman who is dressed appropriately--has her goodies reasonably covered, but is still sexy, is a keeper; a woman who is scantily clad and dripping sex is a throwback."
* "We Need to Talk, And Other Words That Make Men Run For Cover"
* "How to Get the Ring"

Harvey offers up front honest advice for women who have been sacrificing themselves in search of the right guy. He extols women to put themselves first and not be afraid of losing the guy. "If a man truly loves you, he's not going anywhere." This reminds me of a friend from long ago who was recently divorced and in search of a new husband. Each fellow dated her a short while and moved on. She didn't know what the problem was. I warned her not to give the milk away for free with the latest guy. "Too late for that!" she stated. He moved on too.

Near the back of the book, Harvey includes a section for questions you've always wanted answered:

Example: Do men prefer skinny or thick women?

Example: Do men like women who cook more than women who don't?

Example: Do men secretly evaluate whether you'll be a good mother, homemaker, and so on? Answer: Absolutely!

Likewise women, evaluate a potential mate.

Writing under the premise that too many women don't understand men, and men get away with way too much, Harvey, as a father, wishes to raise awareness among women, while at the same time forcing men to be honest about their attitude toward the relationship.

If you're tired of mama's boys, men who won't commit or you're in search of the elusive catch, this book's for you. Harvey shows the reader when to be honest, when to compromise a bit, and when to hold her man to a standard, because "boys shack," but "men build homes."

5 Stars

Any woman who reads this book should ask the following question after reading it:

"Of what value would a relationship like this be to me?"

There is more to life than sex and having a clean house. Men know that and have many other things in their lives besides women.

I really began to think like a man when I realized this and cultivated my own interests which include writing, music, philosophy, art and many other things. I can say that in my single life I was smart, independent -- and not particularly lonely, either.

Now I am married -- I'm glad I got married and wouldn't change my choice. But one of the reasons I married the man that I did was because he did NOT have the same views as Mr. Harvey.

Let's see, circa 1995 we got The Rules, which was the next thing in a long succession of books telling women how they're doing it wrong. The message? "This is how all men think, they're very simple, and you, ladies, must adapt, or you'll be single forever."

Then we got He's Just Not That Into You (a phrase which the authors of The Rules seem to think they invented, they use it so much on their website)and this was another big revelation, apparently. But at least it was funny.

Now we've got a man--and a comedian, no less--saying it. "This is what we men are like, and you ladies must adapt."

It wasn't even that funny. But mercifully short (although repetitive).

Here's an idea, maybe, ladies, if what you're doing isn't working, you need a better class of man. Maybe one not so simple. Maybe a bit layered. Why should we be the ones who do all the accommodating? Especially since, by doing that, we're going to end up with control freak psychos.

I was particularly offended by his story about how his wife has given up risky activities that she enjoyed, like scuba diving, because he doesn't know how to do them and so he can't protect her while she's doing them. Because that's just how a real man is, he has to protect his lady. Sad.

What a sad, sad book. I am shocked that it has received so many great reviews.
The pineapple juice story brought tears to my eyes. What a witch that woman was!
Other than that, any tears I shed were for the hypocricy, chauvinism, and lack of respect expressed in this book. While I agree that women should be more selective and have more respect for themselves and that men should stand up and take responsibility for their families, I found much of the rest of Steve's conclusions quite disheartening. Why would anyone want a man who won't communicate his feelings, expects his wife to keep the house spotless, and wants her to give up the activities she enjoys? This type of man is appealing? To whom? Married couples should be equal partners, and communication is the most important ingredient.
The worst idea expressed in the book is that most men will cheat just because they can and never give it a second thought. While I know that many men cheat, I will never believe that any man who truly loves, respects, and is committed to his wife will cheat on her. Period.

I spent a lot of time being amazed (and sort of, crying, or cringing with sadness) when I read this book at how selfish and entitled so many men are. It seems to me being in a relationship with a man like Steve describes would be very painful and unsatisfying. And there is no way I would want to subject a daughter or son to a man like that as a father. So, if this is what men want, I guess it just doesn't work - there's no point in being a relationship. Thank God for feminism and my rights to make money, own property and take care of myself so I don't have to be demeaned and devalued in this way just in order to survive.

Steve's "Protect, Profess and Provide" desire is understandable but what I don't think he gets is that there is so much more to relationship. Also, it is ridiculous and obnoxious that he sees this as something unique to men. Women "Protect, Profess and Provide" all the time. Many mothers do this constantly with children, and alas many fathers do not - something is very wrong with that picture!

Good quality relationships between adults require much more: intimacy, autonomy, self-determination, personal responsibility and choice (for both parties!) if they are to have any meaning. And to last, each person must have the capacity to accept and understand the other. Finally, nurturing/mentoring skills in both men and women are critical. I see our jobs as parents to raise our children to have these skills and abilities.

The ultimate irony in this for Steve is that I am almost certain that he is missing the experience of knowing a truly feminine woman. His controlling, primitive, childish, male superiority attitude will almost certainly prevent a woman revealing her true nature to him. A man must really be a "man," and not a boy, to know "woman."

But I guess that's the point, he doesn't really want to know a woman, he just wants to gratify himself, no?

Sad that Steve is promoting these primitive views; I suspect he could singlehandedly fuel a Fourth Wave of feminism - now that's an accomplishment!

For another view on how much of this behavior is borne of male entitlement and privilege and the hope that some men are able to handle a more equal type of partnership, see "Why Does He Do That: Inside The Minds of Angry & Controlling Men"