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64 of 65 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Get the Right Relationship Advice
More often than not, women look toward their female friends for advice on how to deal with romantic relationships. While they can sometimes offer good advice, there's no better option than to ask someone who knows how a man thinks. Women don't really understand the often convoluted, brutish way that the mind of a man operates. Steve Harvey, on the other hand, knows...
Published 2 months ago by Michael Charvat

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569 of 649 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Steve gets it partially right
The central premise of Steve Harvey's book is that women are not setting stringent enough standards in their romantic dealings with men. As such, he posits, they are giving away their social power and selling themselves short on their dating/mating goals.

Steve is partially correct, but he misses the central point. It is true that women do tend to settle for...
Published on March 30, 2009 by J. Evans


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86 of 108 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Hmmmmmmmm., March 13, 2009
Any woman who reads this book should ask the following question after reading it:

"Of what value would a relationship like this be to me?"

There is more to life than sex and having a clean house. Men know that and have many other things in their lives besides women.

I really began to think like a man when I realized this and cultivated my own interests which include writing, music, philosophy, art and many other things. I can say that in my single life I was smart, independent -- and not particularly lonely, either.

Now I am married -- I'm glad I got married and wouldn't change my choice. But one of the reasons I married the man that I did was because he did NOT have the same views as Mr. Harvey.
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20 of 23 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars A Simple Minded Man Spewing Ignorance Quite Simply, January 17, 2011
Sadly, women read this crap and actually believe it. I first heard about this book form a colleague who told me that all men are after is the cookie. When I heard about this I had to find a copy of this book at the library. Thank God I did not purchase it myself because this is about as accurate in its description of men and what we want as what one would infer from reading I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Men are not nearly as simple as this book would have its readers surmise. In fact, most men are actually quite complex, although we are not nearly as good in expressing our emotions as women are, but there are physiological reasons for that.

I am fairly certain most women have experienced a buffoon or two in their life by the time they would read this book. This book insinuates that women should either expect a loser or spend their lives alone. Yes men and women do think differently, but to assume that all men are insecure and only think with their genitals is obtuse. Stick to the facts, not conjecture and bull..... Ladies, just be thankful Steve Harvey was not representing you in this book. A book I might suggest as alternatives would be The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine and its companion The Male Brain, which are based more on fact than opinion.
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175 of 224 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Yet another round of "ladies, your'e doing it wrong, adapt", July 16, 2009
Let's see, circa 1995 we got The Rules, which was the next thing in a long succession of books telling women how they're doing it wrong. The message? "This is how all men think, they're very simple, and you, ladies, must adapt, or you'll be single forever."

Then we got He's Just Not That Into You (a phrase which the authors of The Rules seem to think they invented, they use it so much on their website)and this was another big revelation, apparently. But at least it was funny.

Now we've got a man--and a comedian, no less--saying it. "This is what we men are like, and you ladies must adapt."

It wasn't even that funny. But mercifully short (although repetitive).

Here's an idea, maybe, ladies, if what you're doing isn't working, you need a better class of man. Maybe one not so simple. Maybe a bit layered. Why should we be the ones who do all the accommodating? Especially since, by doing that, we're going to end up with control freak psychos.

I was particularly offended by his story about how his wife has given up risky activities that she enjoyed, like scuba diving, because he doesn't know how to do them and so he can't protect her while she's doing them. Because that's just how a real man is, he has to protect his lady. Sad.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Where is the respect for a woman's right to think like a woman?, February 17, 2014
By 
Rosemarie S (Brisbane, Australia) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment (Paperback)
I wrote a review of this book years ago - it seems to have gone AWOL.
This is a book that panders to inequality and very 19th century patriarchal notions and stereotypes.
There is a clear failure to understand that women are only responsible for their own behaviour; men are responsible for their behaviour. And the day anyone has to start playing childish games to train a man as though he is a dog - well, is he not capable of growing himself up?
We are living in the 21st Century and yet this book is quite surreal in the duplicity, blame-shifting and social nonsense that holds a woman responsible for the choices and decisions a man makes. Where is the humour in a social stance that is on the sticky end of beliefs that leads to women being stoned to death for 'losing their honour' in more socially immature cultures?
He talks about sex as 'being rewarded with the cookie' - and that tells you a lot about how he thinks of sex; as a reward for good behaviour!! A mature man is way more likely to understand that sex is actually a shared pleasure. Between mutually consenting people, a man has sex because he wants to, a woman has sex because she wants to. Letting & giving, is a stupidly old-fashioned and immature concept. Might make for great humour, is very poor relationship advice for anyone.
Harks back to silly nonsense like The Rules or nasty stuff like The Game.
There are way better books out there on relationships, actually written by relationship experts - buy one of those instead.
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152 of 195 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Steve, what have you been smoking???!!!, April 27, 2009
By 
M. J Soverall "ledare66" (Brooklyn, New York United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
So a man must be complimented for watching his OWN children, women must give up hobbie that they enjoy but their husbands are too cowardly to participate in, all men are spoiled ego centric babies who you have to treat like a spoiled child. I saw him on Oprah and thought that the book might be good until I saw the 1950's nonsense he was spewing. It is not MY job to make our home a welcoming place, it's not MY job to take care of the kids and home so you don't have to be bothered and it most certainly NOT my job to make you feel like a man. If a man doesn't know how to act like a man when you meet him, you most certainly don't want him. Steve, you made me throw up in my mouth a lot.
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25 of 30 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars The positive and the negative, March 29, 2009
By 
Justice (The Midwest) - See all my reviews
I finished Steve Harvey's book after I caught sight of him on the Oprah show. There is something comical and supportive about his take on the world of relationships however a lot of it appears generalized and outdated.

THE NEGATIVES:

He determines that a man defines himself by THREE things... and until a man figures these three things out he will remain a boy. All the while, women will simply cater to his boredom, ego, and loneliness in the mean time.

I'd like to think men have come along further in their personal evolution to handle some emotional things. To further avoid some of the cultural pressures or cliches that define "REAL" men. You have to understand that in some cultures a "REAL" man beats his wife. There has to be a higher standard to which we call someone a "Man".

He also goes on to state that a man can NOT go a month without sex before he starts looking elsewhere. Almost in the same breath he asks women to date a man, get him to be committed to you, with no promise of sex- until 90 days have passed.

Steve Harvey also explains why men cheat which seems like such a redundant thing to explain. But since women are so hung up on blaming themselves he eventually, after more than enough pages, finally states- If he was committed to you, and only you, and that was clear (verbalized etc.) from the start- He has no business cheating on you.

Yet again the author expresses how he believes women are less likely to cheat on a man. Now, I don't know if this is denial, ego, or both... but I think women cheat on men as much as men cheat on women. Granted cheating is a dishonest thing to do, but I don't think its gender specific like Steve would want you to believe. More like "personality" specific.

The book rolls along with more statements about how much men need sex, while assuming women dont need it as much. Let me make this clear... whether a lady is in a relationship or not, she desires sex. She wants the cookie just as badly and sometimes she doesnt want to wait three months with whatever guy that comes along to finally get some. Because lets face it, finding a man that you have chemistry with, and a desire to be around thats more substantial than lust... is sometimes a very rare thing. Waiting for "Mr. Right" is not always practical.

Neither is dating "Mr. Ok" for three months just to get some sex.

THE POSITIVES:

Women need to take a serious look at themselves in terms of who they choose to sleep with or have children with. Maybe we do need to raise our standards and ask more out of ourselves, than expecting a man who sees us as "sports fish" to suddenly care about who we are on the "inside".

Steve asks that you be upfront with the men you're dating,to ask very specific questions that will get to the heart of the situation you are in. We can not be afraid of the answers and we must be prepared to let the players go.

On one hand the book is empowering you to cut the riff raff out of your life. In the other hand, its asking that you apply yourself to old social stereotypes that keep gender roles in place- and not challenged.

From what Steve Harvey claims, men have not changed much since the Victorian era. He assumes although women can vote now, hold jobs, and buy their own houses... that they still want to assume the same roles as "dish washer" and "baby maker".

Putting machismo out of the picture, perhaps a "real man" is really an individual who has learned to respect life, has learned to love and honor all human beings, and doesn't randomly choose who gets played for a fool based on selfish whims. And I would think those same virtues would apply to "real women".

In conclusion, as a friend once said to me- There are men that like women (and I don't mean sex). And there are men who don't... and those who don't still try to sleep with you. Steve sets a stage, no matter how strange it may be... to avoid those types of men.
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15 of 17 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars "Seemed like a good book to read at the time!", April 22, 2012
By 
This review is from: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment (Paperback)
My girlfriend and I read this book at the same time because the movie was coming out and as I was reading I was thinking, "Oh he makes some very valid points about us men." And there are moments that do agree with such as women getting standards and that men respect those with standards. Also I somewhat agree with the simplicity of men. But After finishing it, I saw how this book portrayed men and I did not like it. It presented men as almost emotionally incapable, sexually active blunt instruments that women need to change themselves to get one instead of the man doing any change on his part. I do not fit a single bit into this type of man that he claims "don't do emotion well" or that we aren't really interested in conversation. Well I know that I love talking to my girlfriend everyday. The more we talk the more our relationship develops little bit by little bit. Another note I did not like the fact that his wife gave up scuba diving, something that she loves because he felt he couldn't protect her, yet he go do the things he enjoys. What man would have his woman stop doing something she loves if he loves her like he says? My guess is if women want an old school male-driven mindset then I would suggest this book. But Steve, you're a great comedian and terrific radio host. Stick to what you're best at and let people cultivate their own relationships.
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107 of 137 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars The problem with the Y chromosome, March 4, 2010
By 
I was disgusted by most of the advice in this book. I was shocked by his misogynistic views on love and marriage. It's one thing to help a man feel like a man, but what about a woman's wants and needs? "Give up Scuba diving honey- I don't like you doing it. Oh and if you don't have sex like a horny teenager I will find someone else who will- and that is your fault" I was just so disappointed by this book.
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54 of 68 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Simple advice for simple minds, February 9, 2009
There are two things you can learn from this book. The first is that people are so starved for love that even a compendium of ridiculous "truths" such as this one can fly off the shelves if promoted by a celebrity and given a catchy title. The second thing is: never go scuba diving with Harvey and his wife.

Harvey does get two things right: that men think differently than women and that the four words men NEVER want to hear are "We need to talk." But both of these topics have been covered far better in other books. Harvey presents his case in a glib, superficial way based not on any particular research but on call-ins to his radio show, which, based on the examples cited, is obviously skewed toward a not-quite sophisticated audience. He even out-rules "The Rules" with his proclamation that women set an arbitrary waiting period of ninety days before giving up the "cookie" to a suitor. Why ninety days? Because that's how long Ford made him work on the assembly line before giving him benefits. Huh?

The scuba thing? Under the guise of "protecting" his wife, who was a certified scuba diver, Harvey who was not, became a petty tyrant on a boat trip, clearly destroying any enjoyment anyone, including his wife, might have gotten out of the excursion. It goes to show how self-involved he is to think that bullying others and flaunting his own insecurities are somehow desirable traits and indicative of his worth as a man.
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231 of 301 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Mostly, I found his candor helpful, February 23, 2009
Women are "leaving the door open for a guy to get away with something...Here's what's happened over the years," says comic and radio host Steve Harvey. "Women's standards and requirements have lowered over the years. And as men, we know that. We have taken advantage of it. We've created terms that we feed to women that allow us to exist as we do," he told Belinda Luscome when discussing his New York Times best seller, co-authored with Denene Millner, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. For example, Harvey said (and I'm abbreviating) ...

1. We created the term "nagging." There's really no such thing as nagging. As soon as a woman starts registering her complaint, we call it nagging. We let you know it will drive us away.

2. When you first meet a man, so you don't ask a lot of personal questions, and questions about his business, we created the term gold-digger. Now why would a woman not be concerned about her financial future?

3. Three things men want from women: support, loyalty and "the cookie" (sex): "We'll take a lot of things from a woman. But we have to have these three things. You take away any one of them, you lose a man's affection."

4. Three ways men show love to women: profess, provide and protect: "We have to define love in some kind of way. The problem with women is they have this great spectrum of what love is, and they want it reciprocated the same way they give it out. But we men can only nurture to a certain degree. It's not in our DNA ... We want to profess our love. We tell everyone," he told an Atlanta audience.

5. "Men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make. ... These three things make up the basic DNA of manhood-the three accomplishments every man must achieve before he feels like he's truly fulfilled his destiny as a man..., and until he's achieved his goal in those three areas, the man you're dating, committed to, or married to will be too busy to focus on you" Harvey wrote in the book.

"I've had two divorces myself. I understand. What I was never able to convey until I got a little older was why I was missing in action... trying so hard to be somebody ... not as emotionally involved," says Harvey who adds that he "could have written it (his book) in "about 35 pages.... because we're guys. We are that simple," he added in the interview.

Sometimes Harvey he sounds like he's offering 1950s Mad Men-era advice, yet not as much as Whitey Casey in The Man Plan. It gets men nodding and some women giving heated responses to him on call-in talk shows:

* Take your husbands last name. It supports men's desire to protect women.

* Men still expect women to keep a clean home.

* It is ok if women don't know how to cook as long as they "cook" in the bedroom.

Three things to ask a man "to decide if he is worth keeping", suggests Harvey, are (and these are just as valuable in reverse for men to ask women) are his:

1. Short-term goals and whether they match his long-term goals.

2. Views on family and kids.

3. Relationship with his mom

I would add:

4. Relationship to his friends

5. Views on money, especially on spending and saving.

6. Strongest values: what most matters to him in character traits and behavior.
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Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment
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