Meladee McCarty is a program specialist for the Sacramento County Office of Education and works to provide educational programs for students with disabilities. The McCartys are coauthors of A 4th Course of Chicken Soup for the Soul; Acts of Kindness; A Year of Kindness; and, The Daily Journal of Kindness.
Hanoch McCarty is an internationally acclaimed author and motivator who has presented his stories and research-based insights to audiences around the world. He is the author of Motivating Your Audience: Speaking from the Heart, as well as twenty other books and training programs. The McCartys are coauthors of A 4th Course of Chicken Soup for the Soul; Acts of Kindness; A Year of Kindness; and, The Daily Journal of Kindness
I Called Her Last! Sometimes we indulge in a self-defeating game with a friend, called, "I called last." You can even hear a whining little note in the claim. Of course, you really believe that you've been doing all the work of keeping your relationship alive. After all, you send the cards every holiday and birthday; what more can be expected? When weeks go by and you haven't heard from your friend, you begin to sulk inside. You miss her, or feel lonely and make the first call.
When you're together, it's great. Your friend really seems to value and enjoy your company. But when you're apart, it's the old cliche, "Out of sight, out of mind." As the time gap increases, so does the emotional gap. You feel hurt, devalued and disregarded.
"I called her last," you say petulantly. "If she really cared, she'd call." Cobwebs gather on your phone.
At this point, you have to make a decision about keeping the friendship alive by calling or writing, or not reaching out as a matter of principal. You need to decide which is more important, the friendship or to be right. It can be tough to swallow your pride, but if you care about keeping your friendship alive, you'll call. Just imagine how you'd feel if you steadfastly refused to call and then heard your friend had moved away, or worse, had died unexpectedly.
When you have decided to make contact, the phone call or note should begin like this: "I was thinking of you and reflecting about how much I care for and miss you." The note or conversation must not begin with recriminations, just kindness.
If you are a teacher, this is a wonderful idea to share with your students. Bring a pile of stamped envelopes to class. Give them out to your students and actually have them write a heart-felt letter to a friend they've lost touch with. Folks generally come back to class excited about the results.
Networking with people you've had a personal growth experience with can be initiated by doing a one-minute love call. Actually set a timer and call the person, stating, "This is a one-minute love call to let you know I'm thinking of you and appreciate you for ______________." At the end of the minute, thank them, bid them farewell and hang up. Watch, theyÆll come back soon!
(c)1994 Meladee and Hanoch McCarty. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission from Acts of Kindness by Meladee and Hanoch McCarty. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442.
