Customer Reviews

Addicted to Unhappiness: Free Yourself from Moods and Behaviors That Undermine Relationships, Work, and the Life You Want

5 star:		(32)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(8)

 

 

This is a quick read. The reason I picked it up was trying to understand why a bully at work had me down. On pg 224 the matter is addressed, "Frequently there is someone in the workplace who is snappish, constantly angry or agitated, or who has an emotional hair trigger. The addiction to unhappiness can cause you to take other people's grouchiness personally, when in fact it's not about you but about them. If these difficult coworkers or managers treat everyone else the same way, there is certainly no reason to feel particularly singled out or attacked. By taking their behavior personally, you gratify your addiction to unhappiness and ruin an otherwise good day."

Okay... I feel like I've been given a pat on the head and told to run along.

Every problem outlined is blamed on one's parents and sends you back to their previous book, Smart Love, to understand how the failures of your parents are to blame for everything from eating addictions to my problem with a bully.

Having said that, I think they have identified a real issue - it is mysterious but some people do shoot themselves in the foot when life looks good - but this book is a disappointment if you think it will help you overcome this tendency. The Piepers tout the magic of their therapy sessions which may indeed be true, however this book recycles typical self-help ideas: make a plan for change and be vigilant that you don't backslide, but mostly they repeat over and over again the idea that you are either preventing yourself from achieving happiness or you are actively choosing to cause your own unhappiness.

I have been so discouraged in my life trying to make changes. This is the first self-help book that has really helped me. First, it described me and my problems exactly both in relation to my work and also my attempts to stay healthy and fit. Then it gave me really down-to-earth suggestions, most importantly including what to do when I hit a wall. For the first time I have been able to get past my failures and keep going on my resolutions. I cannot recommend this book highly enough!!

I can't recommend this book enough. It has helped me see my relationships in a whole new light- both with my spouse and also at work. The relationship questionare really helps you focus on what matters in a relationship and then you learn exactly what to do to get out of those ruts that are so easy to get stuck in.

The thesis of this book seems to be that the roots of addiction to unhappiness occur in our infancy, since, according to the authors, all children are born with complete and all-accepting love for their parents. Therefore, if the child is left to cry themselves to sleep, or any other situation where it receives less than complete fulfillment of its needs from its parents, the child learns to believe that, since its unhappiness was caused by its parents, unhappiness is actually a desirable state of affairs; and this wrong notion continues to sabotage us into adulthood.

The authors seem well-intentioned people, but I have a couple of problems with this notion. Firstly, they seem to ignore the fact, visible to anyone who has cared for a child, that each child is born with its own personality traits and ways of dealing with the world. It seems a stretch to posit that *every* infant relates in exactly the same way to its parents.

Also, no explanation seems forthcoming for the people who go through terrible childhoods yet come out fairly well adjusted, happy folks. Or conversely, those who get more than adequate love in their childhood but end up maladjusted members of society.

It seems to me much more likely that the roots of current emotional problems can be traced to specific beliefs or events that happened along the way, and that, instead of ascribing current problems to an addiction to unhappiness, it could simply be a matter of recognising that the human organism resists change and strives to maintain the status quo.

But the biggest problem I have with this book--even given that the infant thesis could be correct-- is that no really useful information is given on HOW to deal with backsliding and failure, beyond commonsense suggestions that, really,I could come up with myself.

Instead of, or in addition to, this book, I would highly recommend any book dealing with EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), of which there are quite a few on Amazon. EFT is an awesome tool that works, and works extremely well in many cases.

Practically any of the books will do, as it is the application of the technique that brings results, but I would particularly recommend "Five Simple Steps To Emotional Healing: The Last Self-Help Book You Will Ever Need" by Gloria Arenson.

Having been clinically diagnosed with an anxiety disorder for many years, I can first hand relate to the premise of the book and can draw parallels to its information. Yet, I'm vigilant to understand that the contents of this book are simply one of many tools in my 'toolbox' that I draw insights from about my life's journey.

This book alone may not give you the 'answer' you may be seeking as to why you feel unhappy/unsatisfied with your life but, instead what it will be able to provide is valuable insights as you journey toward uncovering potential causes. For me, I kept in mind that there are numerous factors that can contribute to a persons unhappiness and for me, yes, they all lead back to my upbringing.

The reality can be harsh for some, and this is a reason many people leave therapy, or in this case perhaps condone this books validity. It's easier to run then to stand and accept reality. I should know as I've done it.

For me this book serves examples from which to draw either parallels or direct relationships to. It was not a "Step One, Step Two, etc." 'How To' in order to get happy again (opposed to what the cover may say). Instead it is a reality check stating that what you may uncover will not be pleasant nor will the road to bettering yourself be easy.

Combined with therapy (I consider it like having a severe physical illness, you're always checking in with your Dr. to ensure good health) this book is worth its contents and will serve you well if you feel that something is missing (joy, happiness, contentment) and you just don't know quite where to start looking as to why.

I bought this book after reading all the positive reviews posted on Amazon. Let me say I am extremely disappointed. The author's explanation of how we supposedly become "addicted" to unhappiness when we are little is so unbelievably simplistic that I must say I strongly suspect this book was churned out to milk the self-help wave. Don't expect ground breaking insights here.

As for the positive reviews, I have my doubts. Simply look at the language used, the dates of posting and the locations (Chicago and Kankakee, Illinois, you seem to be teeming with Pieper fans!!)

As I said, I am really disappointed. I will not ever touch anything by these authors again.

I have gone through my share of self-help books, but I have yet to read one that helped me understand WHY I'm the way I am. This book definitely did that. By understanding the cause of my behavior, I am more confident I can make the improvements that will make a positive impact on so many areas of my life. I am grateful to the authors for their insight. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who experienced overcritical parents or who had responsibilities to take care of beyond their years. I would have liked to see more detailed step-by-step instructions or possibly some written exercises, but, overall, a big help!

I read this book about six months ago, when I was really depressed and knew something was wrong. The title of this book caught my eye because I had a sense that indeed I did become happy when something bad would happen. Sounds insane, but I had realized this was my truth. So I read the book, and the stories given helped me learn that I was not alone in these behaviors. It opened my eyes to look at my own life and choices to see how bad I treat myself and how I'm caught it this destructive cycle. This book helped me understand what I was doing and let me feel that there is nothing wrong with just me. I was not alone!! I highly recommend this book, and I tell many others who asked me how I've overcome so much this past year, that if you are depressed and know something is wrong in your life, this book is something you should read. I'm even going to read it again, because breaking the pattern of creating my own unhappiness is hard to break.

Addicted happiness is a good book on how we learn to be unhappy. It is similar to Martin Saligman's book, but less academic. It is more practical. The concepts are same - that we learn to be unhappy.

This book surmises how in child hood we learn that unhappy feelings are confused with happy feelings. This happens unconsciously and without our knowing. Since unhappy feelings are confused with happy ones we begin to think unconsciously that unhappy feelings have a purpose and therefore necessary. The book reiterates that unhappy feelings are parents' approval of our behavior and since we are dependent and imitate we started believing that they are normal and required.

Te authors also identifies two types of unhappiness - one which are genuine: loss of a relative, being skipped for promotions and so on. This is short lived and goes off in time. There is another kind, which magnifies the genuine unhappiness and draws all kinds of connotations to it. This is the one that makes mountains out of molehills. This is because of the addiction. Therefore it is important to differentiate them.

The author provides simple steps for stepping out of this addiction: Identify what causes unhappiness. Next time anticipate it. Though a pretty basic advice, somehow I found this really acceptable.

Overall simple and educational. This could make difference in our lives and on how we raise our children.

This book changed my life. I'd tried all kinds of other self-improvement approaches, and this is the only one that has helped me substantively turn my life around in multiple areas (from dieting to relationships to work) without just sliding back to the same old patterns after the intial push wore off. This book provides lasting insights for lasting change. I'd recommend it to anyone who wants to understand themselves better and/or improve anything in their lives.