Addicted to Unhappiness : Free yourself from moods and behaviors that undermine relationships, work, and the life you want [Hardcover]

Martha Pieper (Author), William Pieper (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 23, 2002

The Pieper/Pieper PhD/MD team published one of the best-received parenting books of 1999: Smart Love: The Compassionate Alternative to Discipline that Will Make You a Better Parent and Your Child a Better Person. Smart Love, published by Harvard Common Press, has sold 40,000 copies in hardcover at 22.95 since April 1999 and will be released as a trade paperback in May 2001. The authors received extensive national media coverage and endorsements from everyone from Ann Landers to the founder of Children's Television Workshop. Now, the Piepers have turned their attention to adults. Addicted to Unhappiness is based on their own clinical research into the nature of children's love for their parents and the way in which it fosters an unrecognized "addiction" to unhappiness that follows them into adulthood. In their work with hundreds of children and adults, the Piepers discovered that when discipline and excessive expectations are imposed on young children, they learn to equate feelings of unhappiness with loving relationships. This misidentification persists into adulthood and explains why so many adults create unhappiness in the process of seeking happiness and love. This unrecognized self-sabotage is the explanation for diverse yet common problems such as overspending, fear of new situations, romantic choices that break hearts, and career mishaps. Addicted to Unhappiness offers a plan for life that helps readers understand their secret need to be unhappy, overcome it, and reclaim the happiness that is their true birthright. In the process, they will learn to conquer health problems including destructive moods, overeating and lack of exercise; build strong, lasting relationships; and achieve career satisfaction and success. Like the best selling Toxic Parents (Forward) and Necessary Losses (Viorst), Addicted to Unhappiness shows readers that the effects of their childhood experiences live on to affect them as adults. Unlike Toxic Parents, however, the Piepers do not blame parents or encourage readers to engage in aggressive confrontations with them, taking instead an enlightened, understanding approach. Unlike Necessary Losses, Addicted to Unhappiness does not suggest that frequent bouts of inner happiness are normal and inevitable. Instead, it offers readers a well-founded optimism, based on research, that the birthright of every person is an inner happiness that can remain stable in the face of the ups and downs of everyday life. Addicted to Unhappiness includes illustrative case examples drawn from the authors' own practice, general guidelines, self-assessment exercises and concrete, practical steps for achieving change - all in the context of a life plan for inner happiness. For more than 25 years, the Piepers have each been in private practice treating children, adolescents and adults; supervising other mental health professionals, and doing clinical research. Martha Heineman Pieper received her PhD from the University of Chicago and her BA from Radcliff College. Dr. Pieper served on the editorial bards of Social Work and Smith College Studies in Social Work and has published extensively in professional journals. William J. Pieper received his BS and MD degrees from the University of Illinois. He has served as a research fellow at the National Cancer Institute in Bethesda, MD, on the faculty of the Chicago Institute for Psychoanalysis, and has taught at the University of Chicago School of Social Service Administration. The Piepers are the parents of five children. Hometown: Chicago, IL

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

If you have difficulty keeping resolutions, fight with those you care about, are in the power of substance abuse, or find it hard to rebound emotionally from upsetting events, you may be suffering from an addiction to unhappiness. Fortunately, the power to improve the most meaningful aspects of your life always remains in your own hands with Addicted to Unhappiness as your guide.

Like so many others who struggle to better their lives, you have probably made repeated attempts at improvement that never resulted in lasting change. Best-selling author team Martha Heineman Pieper, Ph.D. and William J. Pieper, M.D. apply their years of psychotherapeutic work with children, adolescents, and adults to show you that before you can live the life you want it helps to recognize and understand the internal struggles that stand in your way.  You'll discover how to overcome your addiction and achieve a stable sense of inner balance and happiness.

Both optimistic and realistic, Addicted to Unhappiness focuses equally on effective strategies for positive change and on combating the forces that oppose self-improvement. The authors guide you through getting started I(even when you don't feel like it), coping with episodes of backsliding, keeping your resolve when it starts to evaporate, and thinking of yourself as a recovering addict to unhappiness.

The Piepers offer a lifelong program to guide you through the journey to self-fulfillment.  You'll learn how to transform those inevitable moments when you lose momentum into opportunities for growth and long-term success.  You will discover that backsliding is actually part of the healing process rather than a reason to feel upset and discouraged.

Start getting more pleasure out of life.  Addicted to Unhappiness arms you with the knowledge to change your life for the better, and forever.

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

From the Back Cover

Are you experiencing the happiness you deserve?

If you have difficulty keeping resolutions, fight with those you care about, or find it hard to rebound emotionally from upsetting events, you may be suffering from an addiction to unhappiness. Fortunately, the power to improve the most meaningful aspects of your life always remains in your own hands, especially with Addicted to Unhappiness as your guide.

Like so many others who struggle to better their lives, you have probably made repeated attempts at improvement that never resulted in lasting change. Best-selling author team Martha and William Pieper apply their years of psychotherapeutic work with children, adolescents, and adults to show you that before you can live the life you want it helps to recognize and understand the internal struggles that stand in your way. In this powerful, breakthrough guide, you'll learn how this addiction to unhappiness stems from parenting styles based on discipline and excessive expectations, which condition children to equate unhappiness with love, and you'll discover how to overcome your addiction and achieve a stable sense of inner balance and happiness.

Both optimistic and realistic, Addicted to Unhappiness focuses equally on effective strategies for positive change and on combating the forces that oppose self-improvement. The phases in overcoming the addiction to unhappiness are: getting started (even when you don't feel like it); coping with episodes of backsliding; keeping your resolve when it starts to evaporate; and thinking of yourself as a recovering addict to unhappiness.

The Piepers offer you a lifelong program to guide you through the journey to self-fulfillment. You'll learn how to transform those inevitable moments when you lose momentum into opportunities for growth and long-term success. You will discover that backsliding is actually part of the healing process rather than a reason to feel upset and discouraged.

Start getting more pleasure out of life. Addicted to Unhappiness arms you with the knowledge to change your life for the better, and forever.

Are YOU addicted to unhappiness?

• Are you unable to follow through on important resolutions?
• Are you frustrated or inefficient at work?
• Is your love life unrewarding or filled with conflict?
• Are you plagued by unpleasant emotions for no apparent reason?

Break free from discomfort and hold on to happiness.

Everyone is born with the potential to live happy, fulfilled lives, but many of us find it difficult to realize that potential. Best-selling authors Martha and William Pieper will help you understand how you unknowingly became an addict to unhappiness and then give you effective strategies to help you recognize and overcome the learned need to undermine your constructive efforts. Using real-life examples drawn from their clinical experience, the authors provide insights and suggestions that help you choose and maintain the happiness you deserve.

In Addicted to Unhappiness, you'll discover:

• The origins of your addiction and ways it interferes in your life
• A step-by-step plan to kick your habit
• How to turn setbacks into victories
• The ability to move beyond relationship conflicts and embrace closeness
• Effective ways to get control over painful moods
• A successful approach to achieving a healthy weight and a fit body

And much more!

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill Companies (August 23, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0071385495
• ISBN-13: 978-0071385497
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.2 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (48 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,412,953 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

36 of 41 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Identifies a problem but..., September 19, 2005

By 

Sunny California "Beeziemom" (Sunnyvale, CA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Addicted to Unhappiness: Free Yourself from Moods and Behaviors That Undermine Relationships, Work, and the Life You Want (Paperback)

This is a quick read. The reason I picked it up was trying to understand why a bully at work had me down. On pg 224 the matter is addressed, "Frequently there is someone in the workplace who is snappish, constantly angry or agitated, or who has an emotional hair trigger. The addiction to unhappiness can cause you to take other people's grouchiness personally, when in fact it's not about you but about them. If these difficult coworkers or managers treat everyone else the same way, there is certainly no reason to feel particularly singled out or attacked. By taking their behavior personally, you gratify your addiction to unhappiness and ruin an otherwise good day."

Okay... I feel like I've been given a pat on the head and told to run along.

Every problem outlined is blamed on one's parents and sends you back to their previous book, Smart Love, to understand how the failures of your parents are to blame for everything from eating addictions to my problem with a bully.

Having said that, I think they have identified a real issue - it is mysterious but some people do shoot themselves in the foot when life looks good - but this book is a disappointment if you think it will help you overcome this tendency. The Piepers tout the magic of their therapy sessions which may indeed be true, however this book recycles typical self-help ideas: make a plan for change and be vigilant that you don't backslide, but mostly they repeat over and over again the idea that you are either preventing yourself from achieving happiness or you are actively choosing to cause your own unhappiness.

14 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Practical and Inspirational, September 25, 2005

By 

Amy Cooper (Brockton, MA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Addicted to Unhappiness: Free Yourself from Moods and Behaviors That Undermine Relationships, Work, and the Life You Want (Paperback)

I have been so discouraged in my life trying to make changes. This is the first self-help book that has really helped me. First, it described me and my problems exactly both in relation to my work and also my attempts to stay healthy and fit. Then it gave me really down-to-earth suggestions, most importantly including what to do when I hit a wall. For the first time I have been able to get past my failures and keep going on my resolutions. I cannot recommend this book highly enough!!

11 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars What a refreshing book, October 25, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Addicted to Unhappiness : Free yourself from moods and behaviors that undermine relationships, work, and the life you want (Hardcover)

I can't recommend this book enough. It has helped me see my relationships in a whole new light- both with my spouse and also at work. The relationship questionare really helps you focus on what matters in a relationship and then you learn exactly what to do to get out of those ruts that are so easy to get stuck in.