Customer Reviews

Adopting the Hurt Child: Hope for Families with Special-Needs KidsA Guide for Parents and Professionals

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Two years ago, we assumed guardianship of my husband's troubled 12-year old niece. She was my husband's sister's child and came from a "House of Horrors." Every conceivable problem existed. Drug abuse, domestic violence, sick pornography, sibling incest, severe parental neglect, sarcasm, ridicule, brutality and denial. She came from the inner city, to our sheltered, happy home in the suburbs. It was akin to someone moving to a foreign country. Fortunately, I read "Adopting the Hurt Child." The book was a lifesaver. I do not exaggerate. Social workers and incompetent therapists seemed to blame us for her problems, (and we hadn't had her for even a year). The authors said this is common. Adoptive parents take the heat for the original family's neglect. The authors nailed every single issue, or problem, with razor sharp accuracy. Our niece is an actress with attachment issues. She wears masks. She plots, she cannot "be." She was never taught real love or how to be with people. Her presence in our household really shook us to the core. She acted coquettish and manipulative with my husband; snide to me (the mom). I do not see the book as negative, but as candid. Love isn't always enough. Movies may have happy endings, but real life is altogether different. Sometimes, these children do not get better. At least, empowered with the advice of this book, you can seek better therapy treatments, know what kind of therapist to hire, and sniff out the bad ones immediately. Now, two years later, we found an attachment therapist. This terrific therapist cannot be manipulated. She is both tough and compassionate. We made more progress with her -- in three sessions, than our niece did with a sex abuse counselor in a year. Our niece still has many problems, and time will tell. We are hanging in there. And I still reference this book. It's just superb. God bless both the authors.

This book is a must read for anyone involved in a difficult relationship due to childhood issues or anyone thinking about adopting a child. I purchased it because my husband and I are thinking about adopting a Special Needs child. This definitely helps you to think long and hard about your possible parenting capabilities with a child with Special Needs. I definitely related to the Dreams and Realities Chapter, which has caused me to really evaluate what I am hoping to accomplish in my life with this adoption. Additionally, the chapters on identifying specific behaviors was a real eye opener for me. Although my ex-husband did not come from an adoptive family, I believe he had a lot of the characteristics of a child with Attachment Difficulties. I may have been able to help him, if I had thought of his problems at this level rather than dealing with our problems through marital counseling (how sad to discover this too late.)This is just simply an honest, informative book helping to educate people before taking such a major step in life. Also, this book provides possible answers to the difficult situations we may face in the future. I completely admire the total dedication to a child's needs that this book focuses on.

This is an excellent book and a must for anyone considering fostering or adopting a child older than the age of one. Before getting our first set of foster children (sibling group of 4) I could not make it half way through the book, because it upset me so much. I just could not believe that it was really like they said it was. IT IS EXACTLY LIKE THEY SAID IT WAS! After having the chilren a couple of months I read the book through being able to relate to everything they said. It is all extremely sad, but true. And if anyone wants to help these children , they must be aware of their needs so they can meet them. Love is just not enough. I had a friend, who has adopted 8 children, tell me that before our endeavor, and I did not believe her. Now I know she is right and now I listen to every word of advice she can give me. This book will open your eyes to the sad, hard truth. Read it and weep, but it WILL prepare you to understand and help these children. I wish everyone the very best and when you get discouraged, ask yourself if that child would have been better off if they had never come into your home. I am sure your answer will be "NO." And when you are done with the book, give it to your social worker to read. Of course they could never completely understand until they have fostered or adopted themselves, but it is a start.

This book should be a Bible for families adopting hurt children. Keck takes the adoption process step by step and uses case studies to back up each piece of information.

We see that there are reasons behind each phase the child goes through, the honeymoon period, the fall-out that follows, the need to drive away their parents before the parents drive them away. Through the children's actual words, we feel their pain.

Methods are suggested for dealing with attachment problems, sleep disorders, axieties, etc.

Though this book focuses mainly on domestic special needs adoptions, foreign adoptions are warranted their own chapter and, besides, many of the issues are the same.

This book is full of information about all of the "big words" and labels that are used to describe the hurt children involved in older child adoptions. The process and journey of the children are described with specific examples to give you an almost first hand look at various explanations for the children's challenges behavioral and otherwise. I recommend this book to all those potential parents of adopted children. I would, however, recommend reading "Our Own" by Trish Maskew before you read Keck and Kupecky's book. Keck and Kupecky, while extremely informative, may scare potential parents into changing their mind. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy the book. However, as I was reading, I remarked to my husband that I was glad I read this book second, because I would have been scared into thinking we would not be able to handle all the challenges Keck and Kupecky wrote about. I will surely keep this book handy when reading referrals once we reach that part of our journey.

Having taken in a boy three years ago when he was 15, I came to many of the same conclusions on my own, through trial and error. Through heartache, tears, prayers, and unending love and committment, we have come through our worst problems, and things are much easier. If I had onlyhad this book when I started out it would have saved me much self-doubt and questioning and given me a firmer basis to work from. It explained so manythings that I had come to intuitively, but it still helped tremendously to see them in black and white. Please read this book.. It will help you stand firm when the love and direction youare attempting to give your child seems to be thrown back in your face.

This book is incredibly detailed and helpful when dealing with the child from a neglected background. It evens deals briefly with kinship adoption, which answered my situation perfectly. It provides amazing information on RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder), without dwelling on the usually extremely negative prognosis for this disorder.

Adoptive mom of 2 girls placed at ages 6&11, summer of '00. I've read most every book on parenting older adopted children, and this is the one I continually refer back to. It was helpful prior to placement to tell us what behavior to expect, and particularly helpful after placement, to reassure us that acting-out behaviors are often grief related, and how to handle tantrums, etc. with TLC. Buy it. Keep it for reference.

My wife and I adopted a 5 and 7 yr old from Russia in Sept 2004. They have been diagnosed as mildly RAD, but RAD nonetheless. RAD is Reactive Attachment Disorder for those of you just beginning a path to adoption of older children. I can say from first-hand experience of the past six months that what Keck has written is true, verified and helpful in many ways. I would highly recommend this as a read while you are CONSIDERING adopting older children, domestic or otherwise. It is best to be prepared and accepting of the conditions that you will likely face before you suddenly realize what's going on with your child(ren). Between Keck and Nancy Thomas (When Love is Not Enough), your preparation for dealing with the behaviors that will sooner or later emerge will be rewarded in your ability to maintain some sanity in your home. You are also welcome to view our online story at http://www.hakpenguin.com/adoption_news.cfm

If you are a parent thinking about adoption. This is the book for you. This book takes you through all of the steps of adopting a hurt or non-hurt child. It takes a look at all aspects of adoption, your point of view and the child's point of view too. Parts of this book will help you understand what a hurt or non-hurt child feels when being adopted. This book mostly focusses on the hurt child, but it is still a good book to read for anyone thinking of adopting, because if you can adopt a hurt child, adopting a non-hurt child is a piece of cake. This is a must read.