Customer Reviews

Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections

5 star:		(23)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This is a wonderful, encyclopedic guide for all parents of adopted children. Whether your child is young or old, new to you or has been with your family for a long time, you will learn something by reading this book. It's like having an on-line support group on your table top!

What I like best about this book is that it is not a `one-size-fits-all' manual. Because the editors have assembled multiple essays for each section, they're able to present multiple viewpoints on the same topic. Here's an example: sleep. Conventional wisdom about adoption parenting suggests sleeping with or very near your newly adopted child to promote attachment. Children adopted from institutions, especially, need this closeness at night as they are used to sleeping in the same room as many other children and sleeping alone will be unnatural and unnerving. That's the advice I took to heart before my husband and I adopted a 15-month old from Russia...and consequently we had two weeks of horrible sleep before we realized that what our child needed in order to get a good night's sleep was to sleep by himself. Our presence in his room, rocking, soothing, singing, did not relax him; it stimulated him. He was too excited by his new family to fall asleep with us present.

Having had an experience so contrary to popular adoptive parenting opinion, the first section I flipped to the section on sleep. What did I find? Plenty on co-sleeping and attachment parenting (including a lengthy contribution by the attachment-parenting guru himself, Dr. William Sears) but also a lovely little nugget by Jill Lampman, an adoptive mom. Jill writes about her daughter, adopted from Romania, who was more than thrilled to sleep by herself. Having her own room, her own bed, and her own toys, made her very happy after years of sharing meager resources. Her second daughter,however, adopted from China, slept best right next to her mom. Because Jill was open to differing ideas about sleep she was able to best meet the needs of her family. Because this book is open to the idea that all children are different (although they may have certain issues in common), it's an invaluable resource for adoptive parents.

For ten years I have reviewed adoption books. As the editor of the largest online international adoption website, I receive as many as 5 requests for reviews a week. This is my rare `two thumbs up'. It is both the `Dr. Spock' and the `Parenting with Love and Logic' of the adoption world. In short, Adoption Parenting is required reading.

The format, essays by experts, parents, and fellow life-travelers, is inviting. You can skip around; you can focus on certain issues. Perhaps your child is hoarding food. Perhaps you haven't slept for 2 weeks, or your child's kindergarten cannot understand that a `family tree' project is not a comfortable subject for every child in the classroom. Or maybe you've walked that road already and need a little support in the teenage years. You'll find it all here, gift wrapped with a lovely bow on top.

What makes it worth every penny is the personalization. You'll cry, laugh and rejoice. You'll pick it up like a medical-reference book in 5 years. And even more wonderfully, each writer comes across as so incredibly human. You will feel your own feet firmly planted next to those who have walked before you. Though I did not write one word in this book, I am embarrassingly proud of it as both an adoptee and an adoptive mom. Well done, my friends. You created something we can all benefit from! -Martha Osborne

As an adoptive mom, I definitely recommend this book for ALL adoptive families. The book is a compilation of articles by many experienced adoptive parents and adoption experts. The topics include sleep, food issues, learning difficulties, discipline, language development, and racism. I especially appreciate the approach that there is no one-size-fits-all answer for every family. The book provides a variety of ideas and suggestions for meeting the unique challenges of adoption. The editors also included lists of resources, as well as lists of signs that outside help may be needed.

WOW! It is fantastic. I have re-organized the list of books that I recommend for adoptive parents and put it at the top. I am the adoptive mom of two daughters and I have read many adoption books. I have heard moms say that they don't have time to read the adoption books, but they know they need the information and support. I have also heard them say that they can't get their husbands to read about adoption isssues. I know that they (or their husbands) are just not going to read some of the other books out there. This one is different. You can read it straight through. Or you can pick and choose the topics that are most helpful for you right then. You can look up a particular subject. It is big and full of necessary information, but NOT intimidating. The material is presented clearly which makes it easily understood. It is also full of resources and guides you to more information if you need it. This will be the gift that I give to any of my friends who are adoptive parents.

I am blessed with two children, one through the miracle of birth and the other through the miracle of adoption.

I love both of my girls dearly, however parenting my child brought to me through the miracle of adoption is vastly different than parenting my birth child. My child by adoption suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and anxious attachment issues (RAD), which stem from her spending her first year in a Chinese orphanage.

I wish this book had been available when we were united with our daughter almost four years ago. For the first three years with our daughter we were completely baffled by behaviors and issues that we didn't know how to parent. Even after seeking help from adoption professionals and doctors we still didn't have answers to her severe sleep issues, overwhelming fears or control battles.

Last summer, while doing research for another family, we stumbled across the attach-china site. After reading some of the parents testimonies we realized that our daughter was struggling with reactive attachment disorder and post traumatic stress disorder. All of the questions to all of her difficulties were answered, and we were relieved to have finally found some direction in how to help her through her struggles.

Now, pre-adoptive parents can prepare for parenting children who have suffered profound losses. They can educate their friends and family on how to interact with their new child, and establish their much needed support system. Adoptive families who are struggling with adoption related issues can find answers to their questions, and hopefully start the road to healing with their child.

This book should be on every adoption agencies must read list. It should be on every adoptive parents bookshelf, as well as in the hands of pediatricians who work with children who are adopted. Every adoption related support group needs to read this book, and get copies in their lending libraries to create further discussion on the unique challenges of raising the adopted child.

I highly recommend this book.

This is the best adoption book/resource that I have read (and I have read a great many). It contains sensible, accessible, and realistic advice for (prospective) adoptive parents. It is also a useful tool for agency officials, social workers, interested family members etc.

It is refreshing to find a book that focuses not on the process of adoption, but rather on the (at times) challenging task of adoption parenting.

The book really is what it states in its title; a toolbox for the adoptive parent. It addresses a range of adoption related issues and allows the reader to see why there are occasions when adopted children may need to be treated differently from biological children. It also provides a wealth of contacts to other adoption resources (books, websites, magazines, experts, mailing groups).

I feel this book should be made required reading for people wishing to adopt either internationally or domestically.

I wish I had this book available to us before we adopted and shortly after we returned from China with our first child. This is the one book that has all (or nearly all) the informationm both by experts and experienced parents, we need to successfully parent an adopted child. There is no criticism for the book - as it is friendly (not preachy) does not pretend to have the ONLY right answer - but lots of suggestions and experience to share. If you only have time to read one book on adoptive parenting - here it is. The editors and authors have clearly been there, done that and have much wisdom to share. Great gift for any first-time adopting parent or second-time too for that matter!!!

This is a wonderful book for parents who have recently adopted a child, and for parents who are considering adoption. The information is presented in a postive manner. Even the many difficult issues surrounding attachment issues and PTSD are discussed by parents who have worked with the problems and found solutions. As an adoptive parent of children now 4 years home, I found several topics that confirmed my concerns or helped me reframe certain issues. I felt supported by the articles and information presented in this book. Even though I'm an obsessive researcher, I found some new links and sources.

I'm impressed with the editor of this book, who maintains forums for parents online and generates fascinating and sometimes life-saving discussions. It appears that the book draws from the extensive parental experience that is available in discussions online, and makes it readily available in a very useable format.

Adoptive parents often complain that they enter into relationships with their children under-prepared. This book may help, particularly in its fresh approach to the process of attachment and suggestions for understanding possible symptoms of post traumatic stress, ranging from nightmares to extreme behaviors. Even the topic of adoptive disruption is approached with reason and understanding; often this is an area where either children or parents are condemed.

Forget Dr. Spock, forget "What to Expect"-this book is invaluable if you are an adoptive parent. I was given this book as a gift for our second adoption from Kaz, and I have used several of the book's suggestion very successfully. Really wish I'd had this reference when we adopted our older son from the Ukraine.Anyone adopting a three year old or above, needs to read the section on Older Child Adoption written by experienced parents. The chapters are comprehensive and most of them are a combination of writings from adoptive moms and dads, and adoption professionals...amazing support from a book. Chapter headings: Sleep, Claiming, Language, Food, Baggage, Discipline, Loss and Grief, Transitions, Siblings, Narratives, Learning, School, Race, Older Child Adoption, Challenges,Support, Therapy and Journey. It is POWERFUL and EMPOWERING to be able to read practical information on adoption parenting that I can ACTUALLY USE with my children and that actually makes a difference to our family. There are lots of 'big names' with great info in this book, but I really appreciate the 'what I did' contributions from other parents...makes adoption-parenting philosophy come to life.

How I wish this book was available when I first started my adoption journey. This book has it all -- in one place! I am amazed at the subject range covered and all the stories from the adoption communities. What a resource! I am already planning on buying it for some good friends with issues that this book covers, as well as using it as a gift for all my friends and family that start this journey from this day forward. My daughter has been home two years and I found comfort and encouragement in these pages. The book covers from pre-adoption to pre-adolescence. "Toolbox" is the perfect word. A heartfelt "thank you" to the authors for putting it together! BUY THIS ONE! You won't be sorry!