Customer Reviews

Adoption Wisdom: A Guide to the Issues and Feelings of Adoption

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I am just finishing "Adoption Wisdom". It is probably the best I've read.
It should be required reading for all members of the triad. Since my son
found me last year, I have read about 20 books and this is one of the few
that reaches all of the members. I certainly wish I had read it years ago.
Thanks.

I am a birthmother who just found my 21 year old daughter. I was deperately seeking a book that could help me understand all the emotions that I'm going through, and the chain-reaction of events that has happened as a result of my search. I picked up this book, read it from cover to cover at one sitting..unable to put it down. It contains a wealth of information, incredibly well-organized, well-written, and through the view point of all members of the adoption triad. It is neither preachy, text-book like, or self-serving...rather, an honest, heart-felt account of people, who have lived through the pain, joy, confusion and every other emotion that being touched by adoption brings into your life. i highly recommend it!

Although an adoptive parent for 10 years, I found many new bits of information and sensible comments in this book, compiled by an author and PhD. in family issues who is herself an adoptee.

"When I was growing up in the 1950s," she said at a recent adoption conference, "families did not discuss adoption." Children made fun of adoptees, and the notion of looking for birth parents was completely foreign, and taboo.

Now, of course, the entire adoption scene has changed radically. Families routinely adopt children and stay in touch with the birth families, allowing their children to communicate and visit with birth families as they grow.

For children adopted internationally, of course, the situation is much like it was in the 1950s for Marlou Russell. Particularly for girls from China, the likelihood of ever finding their birth parents is practically nil. So the children grow up with a hole in their hearts, forever wondering about the family they came from, and why they were abandoned.

The wonderful thing about this book is that it contains the perspectives, fears and emotions of all three members of the adoption triad-children who were themselves adopted, adoptive parents and birth parents (mostly mothers, but the occasional birth father as well).

It makes eminent sense, and it is important for all to know, that all three members of each triad have lost something and gained something.

The child has lost their birth family, and the comforts of belonging to a group with whom they share looks, likes and characteristics as well as culture, race and religion. But they have gained a family that can better care for them, ideally one far more stable than the one that was unable to do so. The birth parents have lost the joys of caring for and loving and raising their own, but gained the independence and lack of parental responsibility that their economic and marital circumstances may require. The adoptive parents have (usually, but not always) lost the ability to bear their own biological children, and gained the ability to love and raise another's child as their own.

Each one of these triad members carries lifelong wounds, which although they can heal, never disappear. For anyone in the triad who has never thought of adoption from the point of view of the others, this book is a must. For therapists and child-care workers, it is also essential reading.

For most participants in the adoption process, it is never possible to "close the door" completely to the pain they suffered. They can heal, certainly, but the loss they suffered that required adoption never goes away. It's like suffering a death in the family. The survivors live on, very often fruitfully, but they never forget.

It's my hope that this book will help my adopted child deal with his pain, just as it has helped me cope with mine.

--Alyssa A. Lappen

This book offered more insight than anything else I have read concerning adoption. I am a birth mother and glad someone put everyone's thoughts into one book

Adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents voice their experiences of adoption with honest, direct commentary from the author. A well-balanced book. A must read for those involved in adoption and anyone considering adoption.

Very helpful. First book I read on adoption. First time I saw adoption from all perspectives, which I think is essential.

Eye opening. I am grateful that it was a gentle introduction because it was very new, new concepts. As it was it blew me away.

I am a birth mother and my child had recently contacted me and I wanted to be able to see adoption through his eyes and his parents' eyes. I believe this book would help him and his family. I sent him a copy too.

I've since gone on to read other books and I'm grateful that I started out with this book, it was a solid intro preparing me for the more intense work that was ahead of us.

This book offers the voices of adoptees, First Parents, Adoptive Parents, and Adoption Professionals along with the author's words of wisdom.

Although I differ in opinion with the author on certain things, such as what constitutes respectful language in adoption, I think this book will be very helpful to people who are just learning about adoption loss or who are seeking to learn about real issues within adoption and depart from the societal understanding of adoption which is fraught with stereotypes and assumptions.

For those of us who spend a great deal of time talking about adoption issues and reading of adoption books, research, and articles of very deep and heavy topics, this book may seem like a very light read. I think a book like this is practical for those who might need an introduction to the deeper issues, before they dive deeper.

This book would be useful to adoptive parents who are beginning to learn about the life-long impact adoption has on adopted persons and birthparents. The book has clearly-presented practical advice.

I ordered this book for a seminar I took! It was exactly what I ordered! Right on time! Great condition! Loved the book! It really sent me deeper into my quest to become an adoption specialist! Thanks!

Product arrived very timely and in very good condition. I have read only a bit of the book but so far it seems to be what I was hoping it to be.