Customer Reviews

An Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal'

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Whoever said it was too cookbook hasn't appreciated the the value of having a thorough one at hand. I loved the Friel's approach. It is a bit harder on the ego than the Woititz ACOA book but this one includes ALL dysfunctions, and I know even after years in recovery I will still find valuable resources in this book to guide me along my bumpy journey. As one who has NO idea what is normal, yet somehow manages to function at the basic level in society, I definitely appreciated the simple yet thorough approach used here.

This book isn't another "blame the parents--give you an excuse" soother. It requires that we take responsibility for our adult lives, recovery, happiness, misery, relationships, dysfunctional patterns & our future. This book shows me exactly what healthy (they don't believe in the statistical normal, to them normal means emotionally healthy, which is a far more useful definition of the ambiguous term "normal" anyway) living means, looks-smells-tastes-feels like! I can use this book as a check-up to see if I'm on the right track and if not, follow the suggestions or get further help.

Most of all this book helped me to recognize that recovery isn't an overnight process, can't be done alone in isolation, that I'm human and mistakes are actually a GOOD and WELCOME experience and do NOT have anything whatsoever to do with my self-worth. This book even includes several chapters on how to respond to con artists, abusers & generally rude, mean or unhealthy people. How to deal with zingers, how to set healthy boundaries & protect ourselves & our healthy boundaries, I could go on for pages praising this book.

I've bought numerous other self-help books & this one was the best. The authors do suggest waiting until one has 2+ years of recovery before tackling this book. To hell with that. Read it now, and every step of the way on your journey. Start feeling better about YOU & your life right NOW, today. Good luck on your journey, happy discoveries to you.

This book has been a Godsend! I've read it several times and am now using it in a bookstudy group for an e-mail group I run for people recovering from codependent relationships to sexual addicts. You might not think there was anything "wrong" with your family of origin, but this will help you pinpoint some of the reasons why you may make the bad choices you do in your life, what's healthy and "normal," and steps you can take to learn how to make healthy choices for yourself. Highly recommended! Very good, solid advice delivered in an easy-to-read format, not boring, not "clinical," but written for a wide audience yet not preachy or insulting. Great book!

If you've had a troubled childhood, this book will amaze you at its accuracy. It knows your problems, perceived "shortcomings", and more. It also gives you the insight into why it happens or why you continue to do it. However, it does NOT give you enough in the way of constructive methods of ridding yourself of these behaviors. While it maintains an upbeat and cheery tone for its entire length, there just isn't enough substance there for my liking.

A little more "how to" would have made this book a 5 star winner.

Adult survivors of abuse have only the twisted guidance of screwed-up parents to guide them through life. Only the worst cases of abuse make the news. Some people don't even realize they were abused until they look back on their childhoods with an adult's wisdom and insight - a child often thinks the dysfunctional situation is normal and doesn't realize that this doesn't happen in all families - nor should it. Knowing what's normal is impossible for us - because we never knew what normal was! Essential for the adult survivor

This book is the best I have yet found in dealing with practical answers for adult children of dysfunctional families. Often we struggle with the emptiness between identifying our unhealthy behaviour and enacting healthy behaviour. This book helps begin filling the space with some answers.

Finally! A book that gives us what to do right instaed of just what's wrong. As a counselor I highly recommend it to anyone who has had any kind of dysfunction in their family.

+AH4-This is probably the only self-help book I have read and loved and gone back to over and over again. It helps you recognize and identify your issues...or helps you realize you really don't have any. If you have felt like your relationships haven't been all that normal or that your family environment wasn't that healthy... this might help you.+AH4-

I was a little disappointed in this book. After reading the previous reviews, I expected something a little different. It was good for pointing out different situations that require setting boundaries (which adult children definitely need,) but it's very situation/response oriented which I found somewhat limiting in its usefulness. It does offer some tools that can give you strength in dealing with difficult situations. Some of their examples are pretty lame. For example, "You know, Susan, that felt sort of shaming. Are you trying to say that my choice of clothes isn't classy enough for you?" It was also somewhat cute-sie. Overall it was helpful but had it's limitations.

Essential for those of us that grew up in dysfunctional families (which is estimated to be about 85% of the population) This book covers everything from whether to answer the phone because someone else thinks you should to more serious things like leaving situations that do not benefit you. If you are looking to find out what normal looks like..then this book is for you!

I found this book a refreshing & very utilitarian (gentle & firm and VERY RELEVANT) material and a really great complement to Melodie Beattie's book on Codependency. Her books are more prose like and personal/emotional/subjective, whereas this book is really more like a *manual* that offers much of the same terrain in a more objective manner.

Despite how short and concise each chapter is - sometimes just a two-page deal - I'm just amazed how incredibly *on the spot* every topic is! I think in terms of *relevancy* this is by far the most helpful literature for adult children that have to learn how to reparent themselves and learn how to set boundaries, and gain that *objective* cool observing eye to their FOO issues.

I've deliberately waited a long time to write this review to see how the book stands with passing time, and I am very grateful to the authors and their staff who compiled it in such a unique and useful form.

Among the recovery literature I have, this is the book I turn to the most after I feel a setback with interpersonal relationships or personal issues. If you are weak on boundaries, are married to or live with or work for very difficult NPD type individuals, and/or you suffer from OCD or Perfectionism, I would recommend you to give this book a chance to let its practical charm & wisdom rub off on you.

At different points of your recovery - different parts of the books may surprise you; for me, the part called "The Myth of Permanence" was like that. I didn't feel anything the first time I read it, but like 2 or 3 years after I got this book, BAM! That chapter just completely blew my mind away and helped me put a name to a chronic dissatisfaction I was feeling well throughout my 20s. That short chapter basically gets to the heart of the heart of what Buddhism is about IMHO. I always felt like I was waiting for that *moment in my life* when things WILL all fall into place, and all my problems would be OVER FOR GOOD. I don't know how that thought crept into my mind, but after some years of quite traumatic relationship with a family member, that was all I could hold on to. Reading that chapter title completely held my attention that entire evening and that whole week; and it was a kind of a ZING! type of awakening to reality kind of experience for me. The book made me realize that what I need to do is move on and stop waiting for that DAY. It helped me get *unstuck*

I love how all or most of the chapter titles get right to the point about so many multitudes of problems that a dysfunctional FOO can set up for adult children. This is a great reference guide and an indispensable navigational toolkit for me on my road to Maturity and learning what is normal/healthy/better.

I have 2 other books that I can compare with this book; one is John Bradshaw's Family Secrets and the other is Emotional Blackmail. Although both were helpful to a degree, as the titles suggest, they focus more on the *problem* whereas this book helps you name and define the problem but is geared towards SOLUTION so that you can move on and get on with your living.

My most recent surprise from this book was about the chapter on Otters and how Being Playful is Important. If you're looking for a boundaries book that is not too Christian, I think this book really is the best deal! :-) It covers a lot of terrain with excellent vocabulary choices, is relevant, organized, practical, and down to earth. It is NOT new-age, NOT too dark or critical or academic.

OK. Take what you like and feel free to leave the rest. Good luck!