I have had issues with my daughter now (36) all her life with stubbornness and bullying and now that she is older, and has two delightful little ones, I travel up to see them and she manages to say demeaning things to me at least a handful of times while I am up there...any books on these type of crazy issues for me to look at? I do not want to cause a scene in her home, much less in front of the kids....she just seems to truly HATE me and shows it...(she also seems to be bi polar with mood swings galore)
I have no answers for you, but to say my 37 year old daughter acts that way towards me. She's angry now and hasn't spoken to me in 3 years because I wouldn't let her scream at me during a phone call. She and her husband said they wouldn't have children because the gene pool is corrupted. I hope things improve for you. I don't know what to do. I suspect my daughter may also be bipolar, but she wouldn't ever admit to having any problems or about being in error about anything. Wishing you the best.
Same with me. My 35 year old daughter has hated me all her life I think. She thinks I "Ruined her life" for many reasons. But all I ever did was to try to be a GOOD Mom and do what I thought was best for her. A year ago I helped her to escape her abusive husband in TN with her two young daughters, the youngest of which is a Special Needs child. I gave her a place to come to and even talked the Sheriff out of obeying a Court Order from her husband to ship her then two year old handicapped little girl back to him.
She is into Belly Dancing, and instructs it. I had been taking classes from her & we were planning to give a performance at the County Fair this summer... Until my car broke down, and now she is back to hating me again. When she moved out of here, and got her own rental home in a town 40 miles from here, I went over there every week for the classes, and even bought all the costumes and props needed for the 3 days of performances at the fair. (VERY expensive stuff, too, BTW!) I still have items coming in from eBay for it. And no, it is not due to my age. Truthfully, I look much younger than my age, and anyone, of any age or shape can belly dance if they have the desire to do so. (Possibly it is partly because I look better in the costumes than she does... She is quite overweight, and I am not.) But now she refuses to answer the phone when I call, and will not return my emails. I live in the country, and have no way to get groceries, to doctor or dental appointments, to the Vet with my dog, or even to get rid of my trash. She did take me ONE time to the dentist, to get groceries, and to take my dog to the Vet for surgery, on May 3rd, 2010. But she acted like it was all a ~HUGE~ inconvenience, and did everything she could to make us too late to pick up my dog. By the time we were driving home she was really mad at me. She wound up dumping me, all my groceries, three 50# bags of dog food & my dog on the road, 19 miles from home. I had to hitch a ride home. And now she won't even talk to me. This is far from the first time this sort of thing has happened. The first time, when my LAST car broke down, she made me hitch-hike all the way to the dentist & back home again, 42 miles each way. And the worst part of it, is that she had appointments herself in the same town, both times. In fact she has a standing appointment every week. Her little girl has therapy every Monday. So try not to feel too bad. You are not alone. Yes, I know it hurts. It hurts a LOT! My friends, who have helped me to get groceries in the past, have to come 42 miles to pick me up, 42 miles back into town, than the same 42 mile round trip to bring me home again. For my daughter, it's only 20 miles out of her way, because she lives in another town. My friends cannot understand why she won't help me.
It may be months before I can get another car. I don't have the money for one at this time, and I probably will NOT have it until I have puppies again & sell them. I am retired and my income is just enough to live on. (Specially after buying all the belly dance items!) So anyway, don't feel too terribly bad. You are definitely not alone. DeeDee
I really can't understand all this myself. Mine really can be mean to me and try to ruin my marriage to a wonderful man that treats me with respect. It hurts so much that sorry's just don't cover it. She needs profetional help and thinks she is not the problem. I can't do this any more! any help would be great. Sick of being depressed and taking all the blame for a 30 year old who has a family of her own.
I am also suffering from abuse by my adult 41 YO daughter. There has been a pattern of behavior that has escalated with each incident of a number of years. The worst was this last summer. The assault of hate and abusive phone calls, emails, text messages, IMs, facebook messages went on for months. Screaming, swearing, saying the most awful and hurtful things, saying she wants to 'break up with me' and finally forbidding me from seeing my two grandkids. And this is just the tip of the iceberg of abuse. All of the stress took a huge toll on me and caused me to faint one evening. I severely broke my ankle and leg in the fall and was hospitalized for surgery. Three months in a wheelchair followed with rehab after that. Not once did she ever ask how I was doing. Since that time I have arranged with the kid's dads to have them come visit on occasion. They think her behavior is wrong and quite appalling. They also have been and are currently being subjected to her abuse. The dad of the youngest is talking to a lawyer for joint custody. The oldest is a teen and will soon be 18.
So that is the history. What can I do about it? Well, not much, as she is an adult responsible for her actions. What can I do for myself? Allow my broken heart to heal from the loss of my daughter and get on with my life. Fill my life up with other kinds of happiness (yes, it is possible). Learn to move past this. The scars will always be there. She is mentally ill, but I cannot and will not let her do this to me anymore. She will not get the help she needs and is speeding towards a brick wall out of control.
I have been through all that I can take myself. I have joined a church and I went to a overnight retreat and had a few ladies and told them my experience, one lady said shut the door on her, and instead of all the energy being waisted worrying, pray hard for her and continue until you feel your worries are gone. I did just that for 6 months and quess what, God has reached her. She now has joined a church and is really got a great positive attitude. It takes a while, but eventually it works.
If she has bipolar its not you she hates. I went through that with my daughter. She got counseling and is on medication. Our relationship is healed, we are friends and express our love for each other often. I did not know she had bipolar at first and really believed she hated me. I am glad to know that was not true.
You put yourself in a helpless situation by living in a place where you cannot take care of your basic needs and expect her to do it for you, you talk about her weight and compare your self to her in a childish competitive way....you are the parent, not the other way around. No wonder she hates you. Get your life together and stop expecting her to do it for you.
I have almost the same problem. My daughter curses at me, after I have given her tons of money, helped her in every way possible. She now threatened me that I will not see my twin grandchildren anymore.
My dughter is 26 and also very mean to me. She flies into a mood very quicky and swears at me and dredges up all sort of things. An hour later she is back to normal and expect me to be fine. She is also very tight with money, coming to my house and taking things such as toilet paper and food. She earns a lot of money and has a lovely lifestyle. Help!
I have never written a note on any kind of forum but your response compelled me to ask if you are #1 - A mother yourself, #2 a mental health professional, #3 just a self centered selfish uncaring person
My daughter has been disrespectful and mean to me since my divorce with her father when she was 16. She is married now with 3 children every time she gets upset with me she keeps my grand children away. I have helped her out in many ways and get no thank you. I hope some day she will seek councelling and realize how she has been behaving. I would love to have a stable relationship with my daughter. I miss the beautiful girl she used to be.
I hate my 46 year old daughter too. She yells at me and disrespects me. I do and do and do for her and then she disrepects me. We are not on speaking terms now even though she lives 6 feet behind me. I love my grandchildren and great grandchildren and she is interfering in my relationship with them. She has been mean to me since she was 12 years old and I am so sick of it.
My adult daughter abuses me as well. I can't find any help.This started when she was a teenager. The therapist warned me but I couldn't give up. Im 63 now and all the yelling and hanging up the phone,slamming doors in my face is life threatening now. I can't take it anymore. Im usually estranged from my grandchildren.My hope is that if I am alive they will seek me out. New Orleans
I'm abused too.My daughter is my caretaker and like you this started years ago.I didn't do anything to deserve this. I want to start a online group.write me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I think this might be more common that people think. If you can move do it.Its better than death soon you may need emergency help what then ? Im in New Orleans now.The violence is usually addict on addict crime. There are businesses mom and pop stores and people everywhere.Im alone but no longer lonley. I hope things get better for you soon. MS Pearl
Sounds familiar I have verbally abused by my daughter for years. Her punishment is to keep my granddaughters from me. I have try to find out her problem with me but she blames me for everything that has ever gone wrong in her life. All I want is a peacefully loving relationship with my daughter and granddaughters.