Customer Reviews

An Affair of the Mind

5 star:		(54)
4 star:		(13)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(7)

 

 

I read the review from the person who thought there were no practical guidelines in this book for dealing with the addict. I understand that feeling, and the pain of that hopelessness. But there is a wealth of information in the pages of this book, and a clear blueprint of the process of surviving the impact of porno in your own life. I think I had to read it three times before I accepted what Ms. Hall was saying: This is a battle for the soul of the guy you married - not a fight against *him*, but against the *evil* that's gotten its tentacles into him. And the battle is terrifying, because you have to willingly go into a freefall of faith in God. You have to seperate yourself from the evil, set your parameters, and let The Father go to work. And in my own situation, it *worked*. My marriage was completely dead, my family was destroyed, and we were all the way to divorce court before the evil broke. The journey was wonderful and horrible, exhausting and exhilerating; but, in learning how to truly love - and fight for - my family, God revealed His power in ways that even I, witnessing the events as they unfolded, have trouble comprehending. Miracle after miracle arrived, while I stood by obediently and watched, as the power of loving someone until I ached from the agony resulted in a man who has been broken, cleaned out, and made whole. We are together now, my family is reunited and, for the first time, genuine. There are echoes of the past, and though we are vigilant against evil, it's still tough at times. But so far, so good. So miraculous, actually. Don't discard the wisdom in this book until you've read it a few times, because her advice can feel brutal. But she also gives the recipe for *truly* loving your husband, and saving yourself and your children at the same time. I also cannot recommend strongly enough the book "Bold Love," by Dan Allender. The two should be read together. Love is not about being nice, passively forgiving everything. And loving someone who has lied to you, betrayed you, cheated on you, destroyed your trust in all good things, and has done his level best to hate you - which is what porno is designed to do to the family - feels like the ultimate injustice. But if you can bring yourself to do it anyway, you'll come to understand the love of Jesus Christ in ways you never expected - because you'll be living as He lived.
My first review was 8/24/2000. I was furious, agonizing, and hopeless. A new Christian, I might have walked away from it all and found a new guy - like so many women do - if not for this book getting ahold of me. I hope the person who sees no help in its pages will read it a few more times. If only for her own sake.

I find that there are few books that impact my life so much as those written by broken people about brokenness. Laurie Hall has written such a book; I found it so encouraging to identify with the emotions and experiences she describes. She is open. She is heartrendingly honest. She holds no punches. For the second time in my life, I cried over a book. An Affair of the Mind reminded me that sexual addiction is a serious, dangerous path for men (and women) to walk. It reminded me that it cannot be ignored, or forgotten, or made light of; addiction must be dealt with, because it is a destroyer of hearts and lives. That includes Laurie's life. Her husband's life. Their childrens' lives. MY life...and so on. Anyone affected by this addiction should read this book. I encourage wives to read it, because they will find encouragement; I encourage husbands to read it because they may begin to see what their addiction has cost their marriage, their family, their entire life. Did I mention you should read this book?

This book is extremely helpful to both women, and men (who need to know the dangers down this road before traveling too far on it). I have recommended it to my wife (she too, has found help here) - and I will also ask my teen-aged daughters to read it. I think each young man should read this book around the time he first starts recognizing the incredible power of sexual urges in his life (I hope they are mature enough to handle it). The author (my heart goes out to her), effectively communicates the problems with the "surface suggestions" that are offered to wives who are effected by their "hooked husbands", and she tells how she has been able to keep her own dignity while helping her husband on his journey out of this quagmire. I have found help for myself in reading this book , ( I have had problems with soft-core porn). This book has helped me understand how this material has negatively impacted my ability to enjoy the optimum relationship with my wife -- that of a REAL PERSON to PERSON RELATIONSHIP - as opposed to the situation where I receive sexual feelings outside of an environment of real interactions with the real person who is giving of herself to interact with me in myriad ways including sex). This book helps me understand the terrible price paid , when I succumb to unbridled lust : the effects this has on my wife and also on myself : not the least of which is how our relationship is hindered from being the best it can be for each of us

This is a very good book, if you are a Christian Wife whose husband is a sex addict. However, if you are not Christian, or if you are a husband, you probably won't like this book unless you can ignore the stuff with which you don't agree and simply focus on the excellent information. And excellent information it does have. There is an extensive chapter on why pornography is so bad. The focus is on saving the relationship, which is good if that's what you wish to do, but there is a chapter on when to decide that enough is enough. This book, unlike most others, does not assume that the wife is co-dependent. It is also very non-judgemental. It gives advice on how to handle others in your life (family, friends) who are judgemental, and who make hurtful and damaging statements. This would be a good book for other family members to read, such as siblings of the sex addict or spouse, parents, adult children (I repeat--ADULT children), etc. However, I will warn again that the book is written from a very Christian viewpoint, with much reference to the bible and God and Jesus. It also speaks against homosexuality, unmarried sexual partners, etc. It does have so much valuable information, though, that I would recommend it to those I know could ignore and skim through the parts that might otherwise offend their individual belief systems. There are few books out there on this subject, especially ones that are aimed not at the sex addict him (or her) self, but at the spouse or others in the sex addicts life. This book is valuable to us for that very reason--it specifically deals with sexual addiction from the wives point of view. For that reason it is invaluable, and I recommend it highly.

An Affair of the Mind is the most validating book I have ever read. Reading about Laurie Hall's experiences helped me realize that my feelings were not crazy, but normal for a women married to a sex addict. While Laurie chose a different path than I did or would in her situation ( as far as my marriage was concerned), I found plenty of encouragement and practical help. Laurie helped me see that the end of my marriage was not my fault. This book is a must read for any Christian woman -- divorced, separated from, or still married to a sex addict.

From the extraodinary comments from other reviewers of this book, its easy to see the value of Laurie Hall's words. Unless you have walked through the devastation of this kind of long-term infidelity in your marriage, you won't get it. If you enjoy pornography as a part of your own life, you won't get it.

For those who do get it, this book is a lifeline. Her words are dynamic, vivid descriptions of the emotional wreckage left from discovering sexual addiction's stranglehold on men and the erosion of the marriage relationship. Laurie tracks her emotional and spiritual journey through this hell with stunning honesty. In the midst of my own walk through hell last year, she described EXACTLY where I was in my pain. Other women I know who are going through the same situation say the same thing. We read and re-read her words, and find sanity.

The best part in this book is the author's struggle in finding a place in God through the pain. He IS the way through this, and by following in another's footsteps, we can do it, too. She lights the path that would be hard to follow in darkness, and ultimately finds her Redeemer as her hope. I pray that others reading this book will find the same.

If you are going through this experience with your loved one or if you suspect something like sexual addicition may be occurring in your family, this book is so helpful in giving you concrete ways to cope, to change yourself and to pray about it and also to decide if you can stay in the relationship, which she did and she is very supportive of that option for married couples. Laurie Hall did a great service for women and wives in writing this book.

Thank God, and Laurie Hall - not just for freeing me from this hell on earth of constantly being "gaslighted" by the invisible evil my husband brought into our lives, but for freeing me from the pious Christian "fear" of the Father. For debunking the myth that "forgiveness" means helping your husband through the gates of eternal damnation. Pious, phony "forgiveness," offered by the offended to the offender just to be sure that God approves of us, is the worst kind of cowardice: It allows the sinner to continue the very thing which will destroy his soul. It takes a true believer to hold another truly accountable for his actions, especially when the pornographer happens to be the head of the household, in possession of the paycheck. The victims of this "victimless crime", my two children and I, have learned the true meaning of reliance on, and faith in, the Almighty.

As He promised, all things work together for the good, for those who believe. Mrs. Hall, your pain, and the pain of your babies, saved another wounded, shattered wife and her children from turning on the Father when our lives exploded in our faces. We are closer to God now than ever before, and your book led us there. Where the road is leading the three of us remains to be seen; however, your road led you to hold a candle at the end of a dark, frightening tunnel, leading broken women and their disillusioned children to a place of comfort and safety: The Lap of the Father. God's richest blessings upon you and yours, Laurie.

I'm off to bake some chocolate chip cookies. My kids' favorite.

This subject matter is not one that is easily talked about or readily available. We are programmed to think that pornography is one of those things that define men, the old boys will be boys mentality. But Laurie Hall debunks all of that in a very candid and revealing look at the devastation of pornography. She reveals how it robbed her and her husband of a healthy marriage and encourages the reader that there is hope as well.

I have a friend who is experiencing this problem in her marriage. When I read this book-except for a few minor exceptions- I thought I was reading her story. She also is facing the attitude of others blaming her for her husbands addiction. Not just from her pastor but from church members and her own parents. I was hoping to not only understand more about what she was facing, but to also validate my sense that all these people just did not understand. I recommend this for pastors and counselors because due to the increasing occurance of "sex in your face" in our society-this problem will only grow. Also I think it will make some people realize that a little leven spoils the whole loaf.