Michael Adamse, Ph.D., specializes in relationship issues in his Boca Raton, Florida private psychology practice. His first novel, Anniversary, was published by HCI books in Spring 1998. Sheree Motta, Psy.D., specializes in relationship issues such as divorce, intimacy, communication, co-dependency and abuse. She is in private practice in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Visit author's website www.cybershrink.com
Hate to blow the lid off on this one, but there are many affairs going on in Cybercheers. They range from simple flirtations to graphic cybersexual flings. Chat rooms such as Married and Bored, Husband is Outta Town and Married but Looking are often starting points for individuals interested in beginning a relationship online.
Consider, for example, Ray's story. Ray, an investment banker living in the Midwest, met Lisa from Colorado in a popular chat room, Hot Tub. Ray liked her profile and their flirtations bagan innocently enough. Lisa was married, worked as an accountant and had two children. Ray thought some of her comments in Hot Tub were witty. He decided to send her a private message and they ended up spending an hour chatting about careers, children and marriage. Towards the end of their chat, Ray decided to get a little bold and asked Lisa if she was happily married.
Ray: Mind a couple of personal questions?
Lisa: I'm game.
Ray: Are you happily married…( Smile)…or not…(Frown)?
Lisa: Ladies first, huh? Not in this case! What about you?
Ray: OK then…married but bored.
Lisa: Uh oh! You mean there's another married, bored person cruising cyberspace? Lolol
Ray: Yeah, I think there are at least a couple more.
They agreed to 'meet' in cyberspace at 11P.M. the following evening. They spent three hours in a private room chatting about their personal lives and exchanged physical descriptions. Over the weeks, a relationship developed that included regular cybersexual encounters that were more than a little steamy. They would graphically describe their fantasies about each other in detail, often with their sposes in the very next room.
Ray: I've missed you…thought about that bottle of wine with you in the hot tub all day!
Lisa: Like that fantasy huh?…would you like it if I gently licked the wine off your fingertips while I slowwwwwly…teasingly…pulled down your bathing suit??? Mmmm???
Ray: Almost as much as I'd enjoy feeling your heart beat faster and faster as I caress your shoulders, run my fingers through your hair and passionately, deeply kiss you…
Lisa: You're making me so HOT Ray!!!
Ray: Hope so!!!
Are Ray and Lisa having an affair, or is it simply a harmless fantasy that exists only in cyberspace?
The answer to that question will likely depend on whether you ask Ray or Lisa or you ask their spouses! Most cybernauts don't consider online affairs to be 'real.' After all, the relationship happens over a modem, not in a bar or motel. There are no glances, no touching, no exchanges of bodily fluids. Many times they've never even talked to each other. Most spouses, however, aren't going to see it the same way.
___________________________
©1996 Michael Adamse
Reprinted with permission of Health Communications, Inc., from Online Friendship, Chatroom Romance & Cybersex.
