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After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, 2nd Edition Paperback – September 4, 2012

4.4 out of 5 stars 209 customer reviews

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  • After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, 2nd Edition
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  • How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful
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  • Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
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Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

After the Affair teaches partners how to heal themselves and grow from the shattering crisis of an infidelity. Drawing on thirty-five years as a clinical psychologist, Dr. Spring offers a series of original and proven strategies that address such questions as: * Why did it happen? * Once love and trust are gone, can we ever get them back? * Can I—should I—recommit when I feel so ambivalent? * How do we become sexually intimate again? * Is forgiveness possible? * What constitutes an affair in cyberspace?

About the Author

Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., is a nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy, and forgiveness. In private practice in Westport, Connecticut, she is the author of the award-winning How Can I Forgive You?, The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To, and Life with Pop: Lessons on Caring for an Aging Parent.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 352 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow; 2nd edition (September 4, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0062122703
  • ISBN-13: 978-0062122704
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.8 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (209 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,209 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
If you're looking into this book and reading this review, chances are you have been devastated by infidelity recently. This book is straight forward and has helped me realize that my feelings towards my wife's infidelity are not only normal, but are something that I can overcome. I was absolutely shocked how the author hit the nail on the head with real world examples of exactly how i feel. I'm not done with the book yet but so far I have not been able to put it down. My wife and I are working on making our marriage work so I am having her read this book with me each night so she can understand my emotions and help herself deal with what lead her to cheat in the first place. This book is perfect- it helps both the hurt partner and the unfaithful partner understand their actions, their reactions to themselves and each other, and how to cope with ending or continuing your marriage.

I was hesitant to purchase this because just reading the title stings a little. It's a terrible reminder of something that should never happen between two loving people. I feel like it takes a bold person to purchase a book like this because it seems so much easier to not think about the things that hurt us. I'm just a regular guy, not endorsed by the publisher or amazon, but I can tell you that the best thing you could do for yourself or your marriage is to add this book to your amazon cart and start healing the right way. Realize that your feelings are common and you're not crazy, irrational, or undesireable as you might think.

What do you have to lose? The book was under ten dollars, cheap in regards to what I believe it's worth. Be strong enough to seek guidance because you are not alone. Good luck.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Exactly what I needed. I purchased this in spite of some of the negative reviews I saw. I, unlike those individuals, wanted something that I thought would offer the most neutral perspective possible. I felt that continuing to victimize myself was not productive. This book was able to, without blaming me, help me learn how to share the responsibility with my spouse. To me, that feels slightly better than looking at my spouse as this villain. If you are looking for an book we that will solve an affair for you, you won't find one. What this did for me is reaseure me that all the chaos in my mind right now is normal. It out words to feelings I'm having that I couldn't identify myself. It also helped me to think of my spouses feelings and view him as a person instead of a monster. The author does not take sides. That is what I wanted. If you at looking for someone to encourage you to leave your spouse, or to attack your partner's mistakes, this is not the book for you. If you are some or who genuinely wants to try to explore the possibility of working things out or learning to forgive, buy this book now and get started. I read it in 2 days and am now going to read it with my spouse. I am optimistic for the first time since learning that my life was a lie. This was what I needed.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
My husband and I went to couples counseling after his affair and this book was required reading. One of the biggest helps from the counselor. It helped me to see issues of this magnitude from another point of view. The greatest help for me is to know and understand my feelings on his betrayal and to start the healing process. I found that I HAVE CHOICES.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This book was very helpful to read. I understand now that my reaction to the situation was not crazy, nor am I going crazy. It also helped me to understand that my spouse's response to everything was not meant to minimize my feelings. I haven't read anything like this before, but it was very helpful.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Amazing book - helping my husband and I work through a recent devastating discovery of his infidelity. I went to therapy after the reveal and she actually recommended that we both read this book. I bought it immediately, within days of finding out, and I can't tell you how much it helped me (and him). I was feeling so lost... unsure if I would be an idiot to take him back... and this book provided me with the light I needed. It put so many things into words that I was having trouble with. My husband now understands how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking better than he ever could have without this book. And I'm gaining a better understanding of his frame of mind as well. I've always been someone to say "if he cheats, I'm done"... but trust me, if you think there's a chance you could work through it, give it a chance! It never hurts to try and although I don't know if he and I will make it, I am hopeful. Worth reading FOR SURE.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I started reading this book six weeks after my husband admitted his affair. It explained everything I was going through and also gave me insight into my husband's state of mind. The book is not intended to fix your marriage or provide answers, but it will help you direct your thoughts in a positive, productive direction. I am glad I read this book when I did. The most important thing I took away from this book is that feeling insane is normal after you have been deceived. Also the section on stay vs. go gave me some points to think about to decide when trying to decide if I wanted to fix my relationship or leave. The book was easy to read and is insightful for both partners. I recommend it in conjunction with counseling. If you are reading this review, I wish you luck on this painful journey. I also recommend "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron to help you with your journey to healing from this experience.
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