Customer Reviews

After the Baby: Making Sense of Marriage After Childbirth

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

This is an awesome book and should be read by anyone that either has young children or is considering starting a family. It covers everything from how your feelings toward each other may change to getting sex back into your marriage. My wife and I have given this book to many of our pregnant friends and plan to keep copies on hand for just such occasions. We loved the book and know anyone that reads it will enjoy it and understand better what impact your child will have on your life.

I found this book to be extremely accurate and worth the time to read it! As a mother of four, I applaud the author for showing there is both ups and downs to adding a new baby to the household. It is such a blessing when that new child finally arrives and the world sees you as a glowing family, but reality is not always so rosy 24 hours a day. This book is uplifting in that you are not alone and there are some practical steps to follow to strenghten your marriage. It is wonderful to finally see a book that is not just geared to what to do for the baby, but what to do for you as parents. My children have been a huge part of my life, but I could not have raised them so happily without the aid of my husband and a strong marriage. This book tells it like it is. I wish many many parents would read it and take it to heart! Thank you Rhonda Nordin!

Most couples are overjoyed at the prospect of being new parents. They spend a great deal of time preparing for the birth process and care of the new born. What is often unanticipated, is the profound change in the couple's marriage. Sadly some of these changes can result in a tremendous amount of tension as a minimum and all too frequently divorce.

Rhoda Nordin has spent the last 10 years researching the impact on a marriage after the birth of child. As a happily married mother of two sons, she also provides her own keen insights on the challenges facing new parents.

After the Baby, is well written and well organized. The book draws upon leading academic research as well as numerous interviews with men and women. Using these resouces, Rhoda Nornin helps explain why their is tension in the marriage and the best ways to address this tension before it can have a more negative impact on the couples long-term relationship. Portions of the book are very funny and portions, such as the chapter of why children fear divorce, are extremely poignant.

I haved given the book to several friends with young children and not only did they find the book helpful but insisted that their husbands read it. I firmly believe that Rhoda Nordin's book will help many new parents not only be great parents but also be happily married couples.

I thought this book was not only very well written and well researched, but it made me sigh a huge sigh of relief to know that I was not alone in my frustrations during my earlier years as a young mother. It not only justified my feelings but at the end of each chapter gave me helpful hints on ways to deal with the challanges of new parenthood. Now that my children are 12, 10 and 3, I still found the book relevant, because alot of the same challenges apply, you just have found ways to work around them or work them out. Although starting a family is a magical and exciting time, too many people go at it with no preparation or idea as to what to expect. We go through all sorts of classes and excercises to get us through the delivery, but little or no preparation is done for the changes, physical, emotional, hormonal that take place in your body in addition to the changes that your relationship goes thru. This book helps you to prepare for and handle the changes.

For your own sake, don't listen to those who have given a bad review.

They down the book over being "too negative" but it's better you hear about the "negative" from this book than to stick your head in the sand until you get handed divorce papers.

Me and my wife had our first baby 9 years into our marriage. Before the baby we had a strong connection and a fulfilling life/relationship. We both had friends, fun, good careers, a house and cars, and more money than we needed, but we were missing something. We wanted a baby, and so we had one.

We are so happy we had our baby. She is such a good kid and we love her so much. However...

Although a baby is a WELCOME intrusion in your life and relationship, it IS still an intrusion, and it has a huge impact on everything. Before the baby you are lovers, but after it you are parents. Your role is different, your spouse's role is different, and you will have all kinds of complicated psychological reactions to it. What do you think of when you envision the word "mother" or "father" compared to the word "woman" or "man"? You will look at yourself differently and your partner as well, whether you want to or not.

You will not be willing to neglect your baby.

If you must neglect something because you are so tired, busy, emotionally drained, etc, etc, it will be yourself and your partner. If you have love and attention to give, it will go to the baby first and your partner will get the leftovers. Not only will you prioritize it this way, but you will feel like this is the "right" way to be. Before we had our baby we even told each other we would put each other first. That unrealistic pledge couldn't survive past the birth. Psychology is a sneaky one.

Six months ago my wife and I had gotten so distant that our flame of love was just a flicker in the dark. We had spent time together, done nothing to wrong each other, not (intentionally) hurt each other, but had become disconnected anyway. It was not a matter of time spent together, fighting, etc, etc. It was simply that we had allowed our baby to take center stage in our lives and we were left straining to hear each other across the space between. We never thought it could happen to us. No one did. Our relationship had become ashes with maybe one little spark of love smoldering beneath. In our hearts we blamed each other. That's when I read this book and we discovered what we were going through was normal.

Flash forward to now. My baby is now a 2.5yr little girl, and just the thought of her fills me with joy and wonder. It always has. We made it through that time, and although divorce papers never came out, it came close. Relationships take a lot of nurturing, and the more under-nourished you are the less you can give of yourself to nurture it. So it was hard to reconnect but we gave it everything we had left, refocussed on each other, and brought that pheonix out of the ashes. We are happy and healthy again.

I truly beleive without this book we would be a broken family today. We would have kept blaming each other and been hurt and bitter.

When I read this book, page after page I was just thinking, "That's so true, that's so true." I was also thinking, "God I wish I had read this sooner."

This book is not anti-baby. It is anti-"broken family". We have all seen MANY relationships broken by the first baby. This book tells you what is happening to you and your relationship so you have a chance to address it. It doesn't go too far into telling you HOW to address it, but how to address it is the easy part. When people run into problems is when they don't even know there is something to address, or the nature of the problem. The disconnection that occurs from a baby is something you won't realize until it is too late, and you will probably never "blame" the baby. I mean, how can you blame a baby?

Sure, some couples won't have any problems, but I don't think that is the norm. If you know a couple that has had a baby, or is having a baby, make sure they read this. You will probably save their future relationship.

This is a pretty accurate picture of what happens after the birth of a baby, a major event in a couple's life which not only puts a lot of strain on marriages, but also gives overwhelming joy to its parents. It's not easy for anyone I should guess. A lot of homework was done and great efforts were put into the writing of this book, but at times it seems a wee bit repetitive. However it is very useful, and offers great advice in saving marriages and remedies for everyday obstacles, it also reminds you that you are not alone. Another point to add is that the author demonstrates a great sense of principles which are the basis for a good marriage.

After the Baby captures the overwhelming experience of introducing a child into your life. Not only is this a wondorous experience, but it is a tremendous transition that impacts every aspect of ones life.

Rhonda Nordin highlights the many areas that remain unaddressed in ones typical baby preparation and early parenting experiences. This book is a valuable resource whether you are in the midst of sorting through the transition or you are looking for guidance in what to expect after the baby comes.

I've read several books on marriage after baby, and the changes that come with having a child. This was the most detailed and scientific in terms of how it studied what happens to marriages and parents after the baby, as well as gives ways to work on your marriage and keep things going well. It had bullets at the end of each section to help review important points and what you can do to make improvements. This book also had a section towards the end that talks about divorce and the effects it has on children, which I did not find in any of the other books that I read. I especially liked this part,as the book advocates for staying together, which not enough families do. Everyone assumes that the kids are young and resilient & will get over things if parents split, but as a child of divorced parents (who maintained a relatively civil relationship afterwards) I can attest to that not being so. I decided a long time ago that I would never put my children through what my parents put me through, and I think this book gives practical advice on how to avoid situations that hurt both partners in the marriage as well as the children. I am giving this book to a couple of my friends who are pregnant, and will recommend it to everyone!

After reading this book, I felt so much better and better prepared about the impact of a child on marriage. I have several friends that ended up divorced due to issues that were complicated after having children. Even though I am fairly young, it amazes me the myth that continues to thrive with marriages is "if we have kids, it will fix everything". The author deals with all aspects of the impact of starting a family on marriage from conception through birth. This is a book to keep as a reference guide.

I am expecting my first baby in October and purchased this book as a way to be proactive in maintaining the strong bond my husband and I now enjoy; what I received was a tome of negativity and pessimism, a horribly fear-mongering piece of work which paints a dismal picture of marriage post-baby. I strongly urge you to think twice before spending your time or money on this book.