Customer Reviews

After Dark

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(7)

 

 

You will laugh until you cry.

Fabio (yes, *THAT* Fabio) stumbles through breathy soliloquies on romance, over an über-schmaltzy soft-porn beat that does not change throughout the entire CD. As if you hadn't guessed, his musings delve deep into the uncharted realms of corniness. No, seriously. However corny you're imagining it to be right now, think cornier. Nope, cornier than that. Nope, keep going. Now you're getting close.

Fabio's vision of romance sounds like the, uh, shower fantasies of the naïve, overweight girl in high school that everyone threw food at in the cafeteria. Am I cruel for laughing at this? I hope not, because how can you NOT laugh at something like this excerpt from "Fabio on Films":

(don't forget the accent and the generic porn music, and the fact that Fabio takes a full minute and a half to luxuriously hamfist his way through these four sentences):

"I lahk to take a special lady to de cinema, where we can hold hands in the dark, and whisper very quietly about what we see. I wonder, would she kiss me like that? Will I always be the hero of her life? I wish there were more romantic films, because romantic films can lead to beautiful adventures ahfter we leef de theatre."

It's all such a ghastly car-accident of an album that it transcends into genius. It would make a great ironic gift for someone who appreciates that sort of thing.

This is positively the WORST record ever produced. The album hovers between soft-core porn and, well, let's just say I would try to stay out of the, um, "photo spread" in the booklet. It is probably the world's greatest mix-tape record, when used to horrify and bewilder your unfortunate subject. I myself like to play it at parties, where it is the source of much amusement to all attendees. Remember when Fabio got hit in the face with a bird on the rollercoaster? After suffering through this record, you will want to be the next in line. Instant classic.

I wont to hisser for a lung lung lung tyme. This guy is amazing.

if ever there were signs that the world was coming to an end, this is it. how bad can a record get? Fabio doesn't sing (so it could be worse), but he does heave in a heavy voice that sounds like he's making obscene phone calls. Romance? Play this record for a girl and she will bolt for the door. Fabio is good as a model for the cover of romance books, yet he is no singer. Now Will Shatner...there's a talent.

This has to be one of the funniest CDs I have ever heard. The best part is that Fabio and his handlers have produced this with a completely straight face.

It's Fabio saying silly things about romance on top of early-80's drum machine sounds. There are literally TWO music tracks used over and over for all the Fabio skits.

"Sometimes, there is no place I'd rather be than on a tropical island."

"I like to take my special lady to the cinema...I wonder, will I always be the hero of her dreams?"

Great for parties. Skip the music, play the commentaries.

Buon giorno! I'm Johnny. And I'm reviewing this CD. I want to share with you my feelings about this CD. A CD for desperate women. When I hear this CD, I laugh at how stupid it is. The music is very cheesy. When I play this CD, I get bored to tears. This CD is so bad, I cannot put my feelings into words. I listen to it so low that I can't hear it. When it's dark, turn off the music. Put out the candles. There is no time for this. A nightmare that Fabio made come true.

But seriously, folks, the song here by the Stylistics is actually good. And there are a few other songs that aren't too unbearable. But you have to put up with Fabio talking about romance throughout this CD. Who wants romantic advice from an Italian girly man? As if that wasn't enough, there is actually one song here by Fabio. It's called "When Somebody Loves Somebody". Fabio speaks most of the lyrics, rather than singing, the only part he actually sings is the "when somebody loves somebody" part. Lord, is that bad! The people that made this CD were real cheapskates, too. The Kenny G instrumental hit "Songbird" is here, but it's not the Kenny G version. They recorded their own soundalike version of the tune, so they could save money. I think that is all I have to say about this album.

Ciao, bellissima!

Great entertainment value.
Invite your girlfriends over for a Martini fest and laugh your @zzes off.

By the way ladies......it's obvious fab Fab bats for the other team.

Thank God you were here Fabio! I could have had this CD many many years ago, but I thank God that I found you when I was at my most lonely and desperate!

I have put each and every one of your brilliant masterpieces on my ipod. When I am having a rough day at work, I take it into the bathroom, go into a stall, and whisper very gently to myself along with the words. I know EVERY WORD YOU SAY. Most people at work don't talk to me now and tend to walk the other direction if I get too close to them or try to talk to them. But it doesn't matter! I don't care, as long as I have, as you would say, your Lawf.

When I saw that piegon fly into your face, and your nose explode like Gallagher malloting a watermelon, I wanted to be your Florence Nightingale and nurse you back to health slowly. O, Fabio! Even your now deviated septum fills me deeply with desire.

After Dark is the single greatest masterpiece on Earth. To be honest, I con't believe iss not botter either! Oh Fabio, hero of my life, I am waiting for you with my bikini and my toothbrush!

This CD is great for your single female friends that complain about their dating life. This will make them appreciate what they don't have. It's like the longest, worse blind date ever!

I got a serious laugh out of it. It's even better to listen to after you've had some wine. Making up new things Fabio might say can cause a serious case of the giggles.

Model, author, singer. Anything Fabio puts his mind to he can do. This album is no exception. Fueled by the intensely romantic heat he generates from the covers of his steamy novels, Fabio performs with confidence and style. Although most of this record contains songs WITHOUT Fabio, his brief performance is worth the wait. I hope he makes a follow-up. A duet with Michael Bolton would be totally to-die-for. END