Customer Reviews

After the Death of a Child: Living with Loss Through the Years

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This book contains some of the most painful, and at the same time the most helpful writing I have read since the death of my own son. Those who will choose to read it will do so because they have experienced the most devastating loss imaginable - the death of a child. Ann Finkbeiner is right when she says her book is not for the newly bereaved. There are no comforting platitudes, no 12 steps, no meditations. No words of wisdom, no instructions for "getting over it", since, as she says, and everyone who has been there knows - there IS no getting over it. There's just learning a different way to live the rest of your life, learning to live with the pain. You'll only read it if you have the need to, and if you have need to, please know that I'm very sorry.

As others have written, this book explains what we are still going though years later and that there is no quick fix for the newly bereaved. But there are things that friends and family can do to help, at any stage; from the funeral to 40 years later. Julane Grant's book, When Your Friend's Child Dies, offers easy to understand, practical ways for friends to help us live with (we don't get over it)the grief. When our friends know what we are feeling, then they know that we want our child mentioned, we want to grab a hold of everyone's memory of our child. This book told my unspoken feelings and now I leave my copy on the coffee table and friends pick it up. I already know how I feel, I want them to know!

I would recommend this book only to those who lost a child a few years before. For those who just lost a child, it may be too difficult to realize right away how long this will affect your life. Also, that you never "get over it", as long as you live.
It was well written and honest, by an author who experienced the loss of a child.

This was one of the most helpful books I have read on the death of a child over the past ten years. My son died sixteen years ago and I was very interested to read a book dealing with the long term results of the loss of a child. This book dealt with many topics which are covered in the majority of books on grief but dealt with them from the view of parents who have moved several years away from the loss. After all, when a child dies you are still dealing with that death five years later, ten years later and throughout the remainder of your lifeCfs

This extraordinary book is both guide and friend to those of us who have had a child die. I know of no other book which covers the ground this one does, looking at the ongoing effects of a child's death on a bereaved parent's life and suggesting, through a multitude of personal stories, ways to continue on in a forever-altered existence. Only a bereaved parent could have written this book. I am grateful from the depths of my heart to Ann Finkbeiner for doing so.

After our first and only child was stillborn two years ago, I had a whole raft of books on grief and loss recommended to me. Some were practical-- after a baby dies kind of stuff. They had advice on how to stop my milk, what to do for a funeral, what to expect in terms of attitudes in the world around me. Some books were more philosophical-- I think about something like Lewis' A Grief Observed. Now that I'm two years into the journey, I'm starting to reach for the more...sociology-based studies, I guess. What does grief do to your mind over time? How does mourning affect your every-day life in the long-term? I'm starting to take solace from a more objective look at the loss of a child.

Finkbeiner's book is in the third category. She, herself a bereaved parent, began a project to find out what the long-term effect the death of a child had on his or her parents. Through a combination of interview and information, she takes us through subjects like changes in relationships (to spouses, other children, God), changes in priorities, affect on what the parents want and expect from the world. She does a thorough and comprehensive job. I could identify with a lot of what I read in the book. I found it moving and informative.

I feel that I do need to warn you with this review that Finkbeiner rather explicitly does not deal with infant loss. Only one of the parents featured in the book had suffered loss of an infant-- and even she had to lose more than one to apparently make her eligible for inclusion. (Do you hear a note of bitterness in my voice? There probably is one. I've learned the hard way that there are hierarchies even among the bereaved.) This book is primarily looking at the loss of older children. That said, I found that I recognized many of the same changes that Finkbeiner discusses, so it was still useful to me. Your mileage may vary.

This is also not a book to help with the practicalities of immediate grief or to give short-term assistance to someone whose friend has lost a child. Think of this more as a map for the later years-- a compass, if you will.

Recommended if it is what you are looking for-- if that makes any sense at all.

This was by far the best book I read after my son died. It gave me a roadmap of grief to help me know what to expect down the road at the earliest stage to many years out. I give it to anyone in my community who has lost a child recently.

Powerful and covering so many aspects of the grieving life, After The Death of A Child, speaks to the hearts of bereaved parents everywhere. Read this book and know that you are not crazy for holding the feelings you have since the loss of your own child. Chapter 12 on Job was a comfort to read, providing me with many insights into my own faith as I read the thoughts of others. Read this book to know you are not alone. (Author "Slices of Sunlight, A Cookbook of Memories" Daniel's House Publications, 2000)

I found this book to be one of the better ones that I have read after the loss of my loving son Bob. The author while interviewing these parents let them tell their story and tell it their own way. Some had hope, others were still looking for it. Some were still in acute grief years later, some finding solace in volunteer work. The point is we all will cope and struggle in our own ways. This book tells of men and women dealing with this tragedy after at least a year has passed. It helped me to know that the many different ways we think and deal with our loss is all o.k.

One of the best books I've read since my son died is "When the Bough Breaks : Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter"; Judith R., Phd Bernstein. I would recommend that one first.