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After the Fight: Using Your Disagreements to Build a Stronger Relationship Paperback – September 22, 1995

ISBN-13: 978-1572300262 ISBN-10: 1572300264

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Product Details

  • Series: Using Your Disagreements to Build a Stronger Relationship
  • Paperback: 326 pages
  • Publisher: The Guilford Press (September 22, 1995)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572300264
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572300262
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #800,569 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"An inspirational book. It is one of the most unique and creative books about couples I have ever read. It captures not only the subtleties of couple interactions, but also the nuances of couples therapy. I plan to assign this book to all of my graduate students, and will open it myself whenever I need to be reminded of how exciting it is to study and treat couples." --Neil S. Jacobson, Ph.D., University of Washington

"Reading After the Fight is the next best thing to being in the room with Daniel Wile, widely renowned as a creative and masterful couples' therapist....Wile shows a remarkable capacity to put words to the vague and amorphous thoughts of the partners as well as the therapist.... He lets us in on his innermost thoughts and quandaries as a therapist and offers a multitude of examples and direct dialogue to make his approach come alive." --Gayla Margolin, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology, University of Southern California


"I highly recommend it to therapists but also to researchers interested in the impact of concealing personal feelings in relationships."--Contemporary Psychology
(Contemporary Psychology 1995-09-24)

"For the seasoned therapist the book is an adventure into the mind of the therapist's journey, always interesting and at times even amusing. For the less experienced therapist, the book fully and clearly describes major relationship dynamics as they are played out in the life of a couple, while presenting a very detailed therapeutic approach....The book is an extremely useful aid for those doing couple therapy."--Journal of Sex Education and Therapy
(Journal of Sex Education and Therapy 1995-09-24)

About the Author

DANIEL B. WILE is a psychologist in the private practice of individual and couples therapy in Oakland, CA. A Diplomate in Clinical Psychology of the American Board of Professional Psychology, Dr. Wile earned his A.B. at the University of Chicago and his Ph.D. at the University of California at Berkeley. He has published on psychotherapeutic theory as well as on couples therapy, and has given numerous talks, courses, demonstrations, and workshops on couples therapy.

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Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

26 of 28 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on March 28, 2000
Format: Hardcover
People looking to improve relationships, to better understand themselves and be better understood by others, will benefit much more from THIS book than from 100 of your typical pop psychology books -- you know, the ones whose titles usually start with numbers ("The seven ways to...", "The eight types of...", and so on.)
This book allows people to see what a good therapist might be thinking while working with a fighting couple (don't you always wonder what the therapist is really thinking?), AND to see what the couple themselves are thinking.
An important aspect of the book is giving people the benefit of the doubt... but also turning an honestly critical eye on oneself as well as others.
It's not a book that claims "If someone says X, she *REALLY* means ....". The tone is far less judgmental than that. In fact, Wile takes care to point out that he doesn't have one right answer or one right interpretation of what goes on during the night in the life of this couple. He makes clear that he, as a therapist, is a human being like anyone else and is subject to the same foibles as the couple illustrated here. We all are. He simply has acquired some pretty good insights about how these things work. (He's a Ph.D. psychologist in private practice, or was at the time of publication of this book anyway.)
Wile focuses (among other things) on people's need to get their points across. Reading this book makes the reader feel understood, and then helps the reader see what the other person in a fight might need to get across. It's the kind of book that makes you want to turn around and give it to significant others in your life after you've finished reading it yourself and saying, "Yeah! That's it!" every other page.
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 26, 2001
Format: Paperback
Before it went out of print, "After the Honeymoon: how conflict can improve your relationship" was my standard wedding gift. I was fortunate to have a few session with him 10 years ago, and I still put his principles into practice on a daily basis. I also use them when I teach about conflict in my Interpersonal Communication 101 class. He goes beyond the standard advice, which most of my students already know (things like "don't loose your temper") and helps couples deal with the situations we actually find ourselves in (things like we do loose our tempers, its actually normal, and so now what?)
I found his use of examples very helpful, his approach heartening, and his suggestions practical, and though it takes willingness and commitment, they have really paid off. I felt empowered and hopeful. Owning his books is like having compassionate, insightful and skilled couple's councelor in your pocket. Take advantage of his immense contribution to the field.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on July 4, 2002
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
As a masters student in psychology this book was required reading. It is a terrific account of a first hand case study involving a couple. You get to read both sides and the therapist view point. Very enlightning and helps the beginner to see what the master sees. Also good for anyone looking for more insight into their own relationship.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Janet Martha Eichenberger on December 22, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Excellent presentation od real life couples' problems with sound, clear theoretical options for handling. Love Wile's honesty about his self-talk, how he models how to build the platform from which to get a better look a what we're doing. Conceptually and humanly rich. Wonderful for therapists with very specific examples of the typical torturous dead ends we keep recreating and where to find the way out.
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