After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship [Paperback]

Daniel B. Wile (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 1988

A new approach to improving couples' relationships. Written in a conversational tone and includes many easy-to-identify-with examples. There are many engaging vignettes which illustrate how couples (even therapists!) can learn to deal with relationship problems, using nonaccusative means of communication. Addresses problems that affect some married couples such as lack of affection, criticism, dependency, fear of commitment, or selfishness, which can lead to arguments, discouragement, or a stalemate. Provides new thoughts on the dangers of too much compromise, and how to manage inevitable conflict. Also suitable for communications studies. Written by the author of Couples Therapy: A Nontraditional Approach.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Twenty years as a practicing psychologist has shown the author the bonanza of difficulties that can beset couplesfrom the nitpicking annoyances to divorce-sized concernsand many readers will recognize certain elements of discord discussed here. By illustrating, with examples, how small behavioral details can mask major issues between partners, and by creating mock conversations between couples, Wile pinpoints the habits and thought patterns he believes frequently threaten relationships. His ideas are not new and his main message is familiar: at the bottom of most troubles lies a lack of communication. He maintains that partners fall into accusatory modes of thinking that block attempts at harmony, and he suggests some insightful strategies for "blending" problems into a relationship. What most invigorates this book, though, is Wile's firm grasp and display of sensitive psychological points between partnersthe fear of abandonment and of being taken for granted, the resentment of domination, dependency and boredomthat, in fact, are the roots of many conflicts. Those willing to wade through the recurrent pattern of theory and example that guides Wile's writing will find a commonsensical approach to relationships and a healthy pep talk that may get them started toward better times. Wile wrote Couples Therapy.
Copyright 1988 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: John Wiley & Sons (May 1988)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 047185347X
• ISBN-13: 978-0471853473
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.6 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,122,154 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book on communication in relationships, January 5, 2010

By 

Lawrence Kistler "lawrkphd" (Boston MA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship-Revised Edition (Paperback)

I'm a licensed psychologist in practice for 30 years, and this is the best single book on identifying and expressing emotions in a relationship that I've ever seen. I routinely recommend it to clients; it contains a wealth of information. Wyle gives many examples of how to name feelings that lie below the surface, and how to share them with others in ways that are non-threatening and non-blaming. A fantastic book.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Best of the bunch, December 28, 2009

By 

Paul M. Bulger "bman" (Santa Rosa, CA United States) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship-Revised Edition (Paperback)

I've read literally dozens of books on marital communications issues and this is by far the best. Wile does not cast the problem in moral or "should do" terms. He offers sample conversations which are startling: "Hey, I had a conversation that went bad exactly like that!" He explores the structure of the event, suggesting ways in which our personal histories get in the way of good communication. Each chapter ends with a restructured conversation which gets around those problems.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Exceptional book on handling relationship conflicts, July 9, 2009

By 

Tracy Marks (Arlington, MA USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship (Hardcover)

Both in my personal life and in practicing psychotherapy with individuals and couples, I have found that the guidance given in this book is exceptionally helpful and to the point. The author does not waste words; he provides dozens of suggestions and rules for dealing with oneself and the other so that one can handle the inevitable conflict in relationship (intimate and nonintimate) better and find greater satisfaction as a result. I couldn't recommend this book more highly.