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After Visiting Friends: A Son's Story [Hardcover]

Michael Hainey
4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (255 customer reviews)

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Book Description

February 19, 2013
A decade in the writing, the haunting story of a son’s quest to understand the mystery of his father’s death—a universal memoir about the secrets families keep and the role they play in making us who we are.

Michael Hainey had just turned six when his uncle knocked on his family’s back door one morning with the tragic news: Bob Hainey, Michael’s father, was found alone near his car on Chicago’s North Side, dead, of an apparent heart attack. Thirty-five years old, a young assistant copy desk chief at the Chicago Sun-Times, Bob was a bright and shining star in the competitive, hard-living world of newspapers, one that involved booze-soaked nights that bled into dawn. And then suddenly he was gone, leaving behind a young widow, two sons, a fractured family—and questions surrounding the mysterious nature of his death that would obsess Michael throughout adolescence and long into adulthood. Finally, roughly his father’s age when he died, and a seasoned reporter himself, Michael set out to learn what happened that night. Died “after visiting friends,” the obituaries said. But the details beyond that were inconsistent. What friends? Where? At the heart of his quest is Michael’s all-too-silent, opaque mother, a woman of great courage and tenacity—and a steely determination not to look back. Prodding and cajoling his relatives, and working through a network of his father’s buddies who abide by an honor code of silence and secrecy, Michael sees beyond the long-held myths and ultimately reconciles the father he’d imagined with the one he comes to know—and in the journey discovers new truths about his mother.

A stirring portrait of a family and its legacy of secrets, After Visiting Friends is the story of a son who goes in search of the truth and finds not only his father, but a rare window into a world of men and newspapers and fierce loyalties that no longer exists.


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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Amazon Best Books of the Month, February 2013: In 1970, when Hainey was six, his uncle showed up to say that his father had collapsed and died alone in the street on Chicago's North Side. Being out at dawn wasn't unusual for the elder Hainey, the Night Slot Man at the Chicago Sun Times who vetted every stitch of copy before it went to press. But as Hainey grew up and became a journalist himself, he checked his dad's obits and realized they didn't align. This is the story of his obsession with uncovering the real story of his father's death, how he broke through a wall of secrecy, and made startling revelations about the kind of man his dad had been--as a reporter, husband, and father. It's about how the truth transformed Hainey's relationships with his living family, especially his mother. Unfolding like a good novel with the gathering momentum of a mystery, Hainey's memoir explores the transgressions we'll willingly forgive to finally know someone, even after they're long gone. --Mari Malcolm

Guest Review: Elizabeth Gilbert on After Visiting Friends

Elizabeth Gilbert

Elizabeth Gilbert is the author of Eat, Pray, Love and Committed.

I began reading Michael Hainey's beautiful book when I was about two days away from finishing my novel—maybe three—and I had been writing nonstop for five months. I would not normally have interrupted my work at such an important (for me) moment, but I simply couldn’t help myself. I read the first few pages of his memoir, and was immediately captured by it—taken hostage completely. There is no way to begin this book without desperately wanting to finish it as fast as possible. There is no way to sleep in peace until you know how this memoir ends. There is no way not to care.

Is there any more powerful story in the world than a boy looking for his father? Hainey's book begins with a mysterious death, proceeds through years of unanswered questions, builds into a relentless investigation, and ends with the stubborn alchemy of a heart transformed. This is a beautiful work of reporting and redemption. He's done extraordinary work with this book—it's so elegant, so careful, and so devastating. It is also written in the tight, immaculate prose of a world-class journalist and editor—somebody who has spent years learning his way around the ins and outs of a good sentence. This is the story of his life, clearly, and it reads that way—as though he has been honing and shaping this story forever. It is not carelessly told. There is not a bit of fat in this writing, which (writer-to-writer) I admire with all my heart.

It also has the lean and tough styling of a different time. Maybe it’s because Hainey was channeling (and challenging) his own hard-boiled reporter of a father, but there is something classical and gritty about this prose, something very masculine and mid-century. You can smell the cigarettes and whiskey, and the perfumes of the alluring women in shadows, the aftershave and the sweat of an older generation. There are hints of Dashiell Hammett in certain of these paragraphs. And yet Michael Hainey himself is not of that generation, and so he allows himself to feel things more honestly than those guys ever did. Even as we watch him struggle to become a man (despite the lurching absence of a father) he not afraid to uncover his deepest sorrows. He is not afraid of his own heart, his own losses, his own desperate weakness. That combination of old-school tough and new-age open is what makes this story so beautifully wrought, and so unusual. On that same note, I also appreciated that extraordinary care Hainey took in describing his mother, who was also a victim in Hainey’s father’s death. In the search for the missing man in his life, Hainey has not neglected to also search for the missing woman—the woman who was standing in the kitchen the whole time, frustrated and somewhat invisible.

I can't say I’ve ever read anything quite like this. I can’t think of a thing I would want him to change, and there are parts of this story that will stay with me forever. I plan to buy it for all my male friends. I think it’s an incredibly important book about coming into one’s own. I finished it in tears.

Review

[A] searing and unforgettable memoir…Simply put, After Visiting Friends is memoir writing at its bestGut wrenching, riveting and touching.” (James McGrath Morris The San Francisco Chronicle)

“Hainey’s words are clear, swift, colorful, precise, sometimes devastating.” (Tucker Shaw The Denver Post)

“[A] powerfully affecting memoir…” (O, the Oprah magazine)

A gripping real-life mystery…Michael Hainey has written a heartbreaking book, a page-turner that spurs the reader forward.” (Neil Steinberg Chicago Sun-Times)

A well-reported story beautifully told. [Michael Hainey’s] father could only be proud.” (Craig Wilson USA Today)

After Visiting Friends is full of love for the lost world of nocturnal newspaper work and after-hours boozing.” (Janet Maslin The New York Times)

“A fascinating, honest, and deeply touching story about a father and son, the price of family secrets, and the redemptive power of truth…Readers will be captivated and moved.” (Rick Kogan Chicago Tribune)

“Hacking through the tangles of conspiracy and silence, Hainey is as dogged as Marlowe or Spade, but his path is illuminated by a warmth of spirit those sleuths lacked.” (Chris Wallace The Daily Beast)

Hainey is a tremendously talented writer. He has written a thrilling page-turner, in a style that is personally reflective and meticulously reported. His prose is crisp and efficient—poetic.” (David Bernstein Chicago Magazine)

“Peering into an uncomfortable past, the journalist traces his family’s history with dramatic, highly readable prose that makes the story feel like a compelling mystery.” (Time Out New York)

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Scribner; First Edition edition (February 19, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1451676565
  • ISBN-13: 978-1451676563
  • Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.4 x 1.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (255 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #10,143 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

A beautifully written true story, very thought provoking. flyer  |  59 reviewers made a similar statement
I started the book the next day and read it until completed. David L  |  23 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
87 of 94 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Opening the Door to the Past February 19, 2013
Format:Hardcover
Memoirs are memories, personal remembrances stored for a lifetime, eventually shared with the world in an intimate, devastating way. How an author would allow people to enter their lives, and examine it, is impressive, as is this can’t-put-down new book, “After Visiting Friends” by Michael Hainey.

When Michael was six, his thirty-five year old journalist father was found dead on the street, apparently of a heart attack. The story never registered as true with Michael, and as an adult, decides to use his journalism skills to investigate the death that happened decades earlier. What he lays out is an utterly fascinating account of the path he took to solve the mystery, and along the way, paints a picture of his family that is honest, and all together real.

The people Michael tells about are tightly drawn and all together real. His mother: widowed at an early age, not spared any sentiment or pity, but richly drawn as a person who did her best to shepherd her family through this event, on the surface never questioning her husband’s death. His grandmother: a strong wise woman succumbing to dementia.

Even more impressive are the people who Michael interviews along the way. One in particular resonated so strongly, she nearly dared to take over the story: Jan Scott, a receptionist in the Forensic Medicine building whose religion permeates her life and supports Michael in ways unpredictable. She’s a compelling character in a story with compelling characters.

These characters, these people, are compelling because of Hainey’s writing style. His prose is short, immediate, and present. He often writes without verbs, making the reading seem like lists, but it brings you right into the story and makes you feel like you are there.
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54 of 61 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars OK, not as great as described February 26, 2013
By anidoc
Format:Kindle Edition
I purchased this book after reading a strong review. While it was interesting, it was an 80 page story stretched to full length. I enjoy memoirs, mysteries, and family drama-- unfortunately, there was actually little content here. Long passages describing locations, and the "theoretical" passages in italics felt indulgent and a journalist's trick to create drama. The "secret" is no surprise, and the author's introspection feels forced -- like he's really trying too hard to write something "deep." Unfortunately, it wasn't. I'd recommend a library copy-- not worth purchasing.
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17 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Book. A Great Read. February 25, 2013
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
If this was just a book about a reporter who goes back in time and figures out what happens to his dad who died when he was six, it would be a good book. If it was just a book about a guy who rediscovers his mom who raised him and his brother alone, it would be a good book. If it was just a book about newspapermen in Chicago in the 1970's, it would be a good book. If it was just a book about Chicago - the old and the new, it would be a good book. But this is a book about all those things woven into one compelling, page-turning story. Do yourself a favor. Buy the book and read it. Or get it from the library. Does not matter. Just read it. I predict this book will sit atop a lot of best seller lists for a long, long time.
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Hyped to be more than it really is March 30, 2013
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
I bought this book after a great review in Entertainment Weekly. I was really interested in learning about his "family secret" yet we all could probably guess that secret before touching the book. It was a great disappointment to have a story that could be short, stretched WAY too long. I am disappointed I spent money on this book.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Disappointed April 4, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
based on the reviews I guess I was a little disappointed. Unlike one reviewer I was never spell bound and really did not understand the need and effort spent to uncover his father's indiscretion.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Not Enough Content for a Book April 3, 2013
By LJ
Format:Hardcover
Like other reviewers, I decided to read this book based on the strength of its reviews. There is just not enough substance here to merit a full length book. Parts were interesting, but other parts were repetitive and read like filler.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
By OPinC
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
I am a mother of two boys, ages 6 and almost 4.  I'm lucky to still have my husband's help in raising them.  I chose to read this book because when I read about it in Entertainment Weekly, it seemed like the kind of book I love to read.  I like memoirs about family dysfunction and tragedy because I hope I will learn how to rise above setbacks, how to deal with tragedies and dysfunction, what pitfalls to avoid and how to be a good parent.  I have had my share of traumas to overcome, so I am particularly interested in how others cope.  I have never lost a parent or anyone very close to me, however.

I agree with the other reviewers on the great writing, vivid details, and bygone but colorful language that immerse you in fascinating American history.  The book really made me think about so many different things, but I'll only touch upon the parenting and relationship part.

After I read this (Kindle version), and I read this in two days because I was engrossed in it, I was again reminded of how far-reaching a parent's influence is.  As a parent, you understand that you have an enormous responsibility to your children, but it's good to remember that one day your children will be fully grown adults and hopefully will still have a relationship with you- built upon the many conversations and experiences over decades.  Behavior and communication patterns established early might still be in place later, so make sure those patterns are working.  So, this book reminds me that you must help your children to understand things when they ask about tragedy- no matter how painful for you.  The author's mother did a wonderful job raising her children without her husband.  However, it seems that a lot of pain could have been alleviated if they could've talked more about the tragedy.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars page turner!
I really enjoyed this book. It explored so many aspects of the parent/child relationship. The author did a credible account of what he supposed his Father's last few months were... Read more
Published 51 minutes ago by DENISE
2.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful writing, not a great story
After reading a great review on the mystery surrounding this story, I was pretty disappointed in the book. Read more
Published 1 day ago by Caroline Guthrie
4.0 out of 5 stars Engrossing and heartfelt
Hainey's quest for answers about his father's life and death was fascinating and touching, and he made me care about the answers too. Read more
Published 3 days ago by M. Richter
4.0 out of 5 stars Slow start but it sucks you in
I heard about this book when the author went on The Today Show and was intrigued enough to buy it. It was a little slow at the start but later you realize it's all valuable... Read more
Published 3 days ago by Rachel Swaney
4.0 out of 5 stars Family secrets of father's mysterious death.
Very intriguing story of family interactions but left me wondering more about his relationship with his enigmatic mother and the role she played in his story.
Published 5 days ago by Barbara H. Pomeroy
3.0 out of 5 stars Most moving part...
The most moving part of this book for me (and the most beautifully written) was the descriptions of his grandmother's failing health in a nursing home. Read more
Published 7 days ago by Marjorie Wieland
5.0 out of 5 stars Story had to be told
Who could live a satifying life without wondering about a father's death when an orchestrated secrecy and blatant, illegal deception surrounded facts from the beginning? Read more
Published 7 days ago by JetteSet
5.0 out of 5 stars a great read!
It is a quickly moving, entertaining read about a son's quest to know how is father died. Great writing, great storytelling. Very enjoyable!
Published 10 days ago by Kathleen Richard
4.0 out of 5 stars A touching tale
Well-written but, in the end, the experience seems to mean much more to the author than it does to the reader.
Published 10 days ago by L. W. Harrison
5.0 out of 5 stars A mystery across time, a wound that never heals
Among the many, many acts of courage associated with this memoir is the very act of writing it all down and publishing it as a book. Read more
Published 11 days ago by longfellow
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