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Agnes and the Hitman [Kindle Edition]

Jennifer Crusie , Bob Mayer
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (244 customer reviews)

Kindle Price: $7.99
Sold by: Macmillan
This price was set by the publisher

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Audible Audio Edition, Unabridged $22.95 or Free with Audible 30-day free trial
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Book Description

Take one food writer named Cranky Agnes, add a hitman named Shane, mix them together with a Southern mob wedding, a missing necklace, two annoyed flamingos, and a dog named Rhett and you've got a recipe for a sexy, hilarious novel about the disastrous side of true love…
Agnes Crandall's life goes awry when a dognapper invades her kitchen one night, seriously hampering her attempts to put on a wedding that she's staked her entire net worth on.  Then a hero climbs through her bedroom window.  His name is Shane, no last name, just Shane, and he has his own problems:  he's got a big hit scheduled, a rival trying to take him out, and an ex-mobster uncle asking him to protect some little kid named Agnes.  When he finds out that Agnes isn't so little, his uncle has forgotten to mention a missing five million bucks he might have lost in Agnes's house, and his last hit was a miss, Shane's life isn't looking so good, either.  Then a bunch of lowlifes come looking for the money, a string of hit men show up for Agnes, and some wedding guests gather with intent to throw more than rice.  Agnes and Shane have their hands full with greed, florists, treachery, flamingos, mayhem, mothers of the bride, and--most dangerous of all--each other.  Agnes and the Hitman is the perfect combination of sugar and spice, sweet and salty--a novel of delicious proportions.



Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Crusie and Mayer (Don't Look Down) reunite to pen this mostly successful romantic comedy with a hint of action-adventure. Agnes Crandall is a feisty food writer and cookbook author on her third fiancé, Taylor Beaufort. Though their future looks bright, their romance is curdling, partly due to their deal with widowed mob wife Brenda Fortunato (who is selling them her old house) to hold a Fortunato family wedding at their house in exchange for three months of payments. After an armed thug tries to kidnap Agnes's dog, who appeared in the local paper wearing a gaudy necklace that Agnes believes (incorrectly) to be junk, a Fortunato family friend (and mobster) asks hit man Shane to keep an eye on Agnes. (He does more, of course, than keep an eye on her.) Brenda, meanwhile, may be trying to screw Agnes out of the house, and then there's the matter of a body and $5 million possibly hidden in thebasement. Crusie and Mayer have crafted a bubbly novel with enough convenient coincidences, caricatured characters and ridiculous situations to make screenwriters of goofball date movies proud; amusing banter and surprising moments of poignancy keep the mushrooming plot barely in check. (Aug.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist

*Starred Review* Food writer Agnes Crandall knows how to use a frying pan to create delicious meals and to deal with difficult men. It's that second skill that gets her into trouble. When a masked intruder tries to take her bloodhound Rhett, Agnes whacks him with a frying pan full of hot raspberry sauce. The teenage dognapper ends up dead; but before the police arrive, Shane, the nephew of an old family friend, turns up at Two Rivers, the faded southern mansion Agnes calls home, to offer his professional services. Shane quickly discovers that while Agnes certainly seems capable of taking care of herself, she could use a little help dealing with a two-timing fiancé, a local crime family determined to kidnap Rhett, and a long-lost fortune. A southern, Mob-flavored, flamingo-motif wedding provides the richly comic setting for the second literary collaboration between the highly entertaining team of Crusie and Mayer. Generously seasoned with an acerbic wit and graced with a wonderfully original pair of protagonists and a wickedly amusing cast of secondary characters, Agnes and the Hitman is fabulous fun. Charles, John

Product Details

  • File Size: 485 KB
  • Print Length: 430 pages
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Press; Reprint edition (August 26, 2008)
  • Sold by: Macmillan
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B000UZQGXK
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Enabled
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #48,869 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
47 of 47 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars If at first you don't succeed..... November 18, 2007
Format:Hardcover
Authors Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer first collaborated on "Don't Look Down" in 2006. Crusie's crazy-endearing heroines and Mayer's rough and tumble Green Beret adventures didn't mix very well with Crusie's fans, and the novel was not as well received as her earlier efforts. I'd been unhappy with Crusie's "Bet Me" from 2005, and was worried I wouldn't see her back in top form.

The improbable, "Agnes and the Hitman" has changed my opinion greatly. The story of one independent, audacious (and above all, CRANKY) female chef in the south who writes a daily column but spends most of her time disentangling crazy situations, was a resounding hit with me!

Agnes Crandall's mixed up with some crazy Italians who bring the mob concept to South Carolina. One of Agnes' best childhood friends, Lisa Livia, sides with Agnes in a dispute with Lisa's mother, the widow Brenda Fortunato. But is Brenda just trying to renege on her deal to see Agnes the house, or is there something more evil afoot in the fact that Agnes has to fend off numerous attempts on her life with a cast iron frying pan?
Enter Shane, a supposed hitman who is sent to protect Agnes by her friend ( a consigliere-type fellow) and his uncle, Joey.

The details of Shane's mysterious past and his prowess with a gun were donated by Mayer....the romance and some enthusiatic bedroom scenes between Shane and Agnes are all Crusie, returning to form. The chaotic mix of dead bodies, missing money, wedding shenanigans and southern charm are a mix of both their styles. Unlike their former effort, Crusie and Mayer have written, for their second effort, a book you can't put down; a madcap whodunnit.

The authors begin every chapter with an exerpt from Agnes' column, "Cranky Agnes"....
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23 of 24 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Frying Pans and Meat Forks... September 20, 2007
Format:Hardcover
After reading Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer's first collaboration, Don't Look Down, I fell under this writing team's spell and thought I was in book heaven. Then just a few pages into this book, I knew Agnes was going to surpass that.

Agnes has a food related newspaper column and has had recent success with a cookbook called Mob Food. She has just purchased, with her fiancé Taylor, the home she has loved since childhood from a woman she thinks of as a Mother. She and Taylor are collaborating on another cookbook and a catering business while she is planning a wedding in their home for her Goddaughter. Everything sounds busy but perfect right? Wrong. In one night Agnes's life is turned upside down, enter Shane the hitman.

To say anything more about the plot would spoil so many of the off the wall and entertaining happenings. Agnes and the rest of the characters are truly unique, a little demented and completely unforgettable!

Mr. Mayer and Ms. Crusie make a magnificent writing duo. Their writing is witty, hilarious, adventurous and virtually flawless. In their previous book I could kind of tell (at least I like to think so) from page to page who wrote what; in this book their styles blended so well that while reading I forgot that two people wrote this story. I was so into this book I seriously contemplated calling into work so I could finish it; unfortunately my need of money won out. I can't wait to see what these two come up with next! Enjoy!!
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15 of 17 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Quite, but not quite November 20, 2007
By T.G.
Format:Hardcover
This is a fun and quirky story and a huge improvement on the Crusie/Mayer writing combination. I nearly didn't buy it after the first book. The characters are wonderful, but Shane and Agnes never really communicate to the reader what it is that ties them together. They have hot and angry sex once, with no tenderness or emotion. It's intimated that there is some tenderness and feeling between them, but as the reader, we just don't see that. But I did find myself really enjoying the characters and laughing in places, so I gave it a higher rating than I otherwise would have.

My only issues are that these are not stupid characters. Silly little things like that bridge bugged the heck out of me. Um, if it's not able to hold weight, Agnes isn't smart enough to figure out that a sign posted before the bridge warning drivers that it could fall apart under the weight of their vehicle isn't a good idea? There were a lot of these little 'inconsistencies' that had me rolling my eyes.

I will probably give Crusie/Mayer another chance after this, but admit that I miss Crusie's solo style.
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars SPICY, FUNNY, ROMANTIC TALE September 1, 2007
Format:Audio CD
She's known as food writer Cranky Agnes. Actually that's really a pretty fair description of heroine Agnes Crandall at and away from her typewriter. "Fair description" may be an inaccuracy because authors Cruise and Mayer can come up with the most outre portraits of the characters they create, all of which makes for fun, fast-paced reading. This is to say nothing of their plots that twist and turn entertaining readers with a spicy, amusing, romantic tale.

Agnes would very much like to have a children, so thinking maybe third times a charm, she's on fiancé no. 3. The pair have just bought a house from a mobster's widow, Brenda Fortunat0 who offers them three months payments in return for having a family wedding in the house (and what a group that is!).

Nonetheless while Agnes is planning the wedding, a dognapper appears on the scene trying to snatch Agnes's dog. Why? Because the canine was wearing an eye popping necklace in a newspaper photograph. Agnes, of course, believes the jewels are paste or worse. Then, her bedroom window is put to good use when Shane climbs in. He's there to protect Agnes, and couldn't be happieir about the assignment after he sees her. (The feeling is mutual).

Missing money, a dead body, a conniving Brenda, Fortunato relatives, and hitmen all combine to make Agnes's life not only iffy but a mess.

Voice performer Sandra Burr brings this comedic collection of characters to vibrant life. She's a gifted actress and director who not only grabs listeners but holds them captive until we hear the last line.

- Gail Cooke
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars For the dogs!
Jennifer Crusie is such a funny, good writer. I haven't read anything by her that I didn't thoroughly enjoy. Read more
Published 2 days ago by Barbara P. Carson
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Fun read and some nice twists and turns!
Published 24 days ago by Trisha
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Great
Published 1 month ago by Car
5.0 out of 5 stars 5 Flamingos for this southern suspense romp!
Only J Crusie can call up characters as complicated, flawed, delicious as these. And with B Mayer along for the ride, the military spy action is amusing, complex and as far as we... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Love2Read
5.0 out of 5 stars Good
Yay this was really good. Great writing and the characters were hilarious from the beginning to the end. Awesome stuff
Published 1 month ago by Tina Bautista
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
My favorite Crusie!
Published 1 month ago by Rebecca Renzi
5.0 out of 5 stars My favorite book of all
This is my all time favorite book! I re-read this book a few times a year, and am always sad to get to the end. The entire book is hilarious and I love Agnes as a character. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Felicia
4.0 out of 5 stars Twists and turns
Pretty good read. Some language that did nothing for the story but otherwise ok a few twists and turns that you don't see coming at first and some quirky characters
Published 2 months ago by Nancy Carl
5.0 out of 5 stars Mayhem galore - great fun!
In the right mood, I find Jennifer Crusie to be a lot of fun to read. This is by far and away my favorite book she has authored. Read more
Published 2 months ago by poodleskirt
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful but a tip for the audio reader
I have to give this book a five because it's just so enjoyable--as are all of Crusie's books. But I have one caveat. Read more
Published 2 months ago by juki654
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