Aikido in Everyday Life: Giving In to Get Your Way Second Edition [Paperback]

Terry Dobson (Author), Victor Miller (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 1, 1994

Conflict is an unavoidable aspect of living. The late renowned aikido master Terry Dobson, together with Victor Miller, present aikido as a basis for conflict resolution. "Attack-tics" is a system of conflict resolution based on the principles of aikido, the non-violent martial art Morihei Ueshiba created after World War II. Not all conflicts are contests, say Dobson and Miller, and not all conflicts are equally threatening.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"...a convincing and useful set of metaphors for understnding the geometry of conflict...stubbed with radical, sensible ideas."
- Marilyn Ferguson

"The Aikido student and master Terry Dobson...has taught so many of us the goodness possible inside the warrior."
- Robert Bly

About the Author

Terry Dobson studied in Japan for ten years with the founder of aikido, Morihei Ueshiba. Before his death in late 1992, he had taught aikido for twenty-five years and brought its principles to conflict management and personal growth seminars in education, mediation and business.

Victor Miller is a television and film writer living in Milford, Connecticut. He wrote the original script for Friday the 13th and writes for television daytime drama series.

Product Details

• Paperback: 280 pages
• Publisher: North Atlantic Books; Rep Sub edition (January 1, 1994)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1556431511
• ISBN-13: 978-1556431517
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #310,097 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

24 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars One of the two best books on assertiveness training around, January 25, 2000

By 

Taiji 218 (The Frozen North) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Aikido in Everyday Life: Giving In to Get Your Way Second Edition (Paperback)

I've used this book both personally and professionally in both a hospital and a university counseling environment ever since the book first came out in hardback back in the 70's. Granting some of the complaints of previous reviewers, the examples Dobson gives are now a bit out of date (Dobson cannot update them; he died a few years ago), but I have yet to have a college student fail to make his or her own update with little problem. Contrary to some of the negative reviewers' comments, I personally have found the book extremely useful, and so have the majority of the people I have introduced the book to over the years. I've especially had a number of university students tell me the book was very useful in helping them deal with their problematic professors, parents, girlfriends or boyfriends. Possibly some of the negative reviewers were hampered by the fact that they were reading the book all by themselves, without any counseling assistence or prior aikido training to help them fully orient to the concepts presented in the text. Without a doubt, the "geometry of conflict" theory presented in the book is sometimes quite arcane to the uninitiated. Nonetheless, the writing style is friendly, conversational and-- I find-- entertaining. As a supplement to Dobson, I also recommend people read "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel Smith-- the original assertiveness training book. With a little creative thought and persistent practice, the techniques in both of these books are extremely useful. Not magic, not a quick fix, but the techniques work if you work at them.

21 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Worth reading, even if you disagree with what is said., May 29, 2001

By 

Kenneth Ruth "Kenneth Ruth" (United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Aikido in Everyday Life: Giving In to Get Your Way Second Edition (Paperback)

Through out my life I have approached conflict in much the same way this book teaches. However, after reading it I found that I was missing some things that have since helped me a great deal. The whole topic of Aiki is worth the cost of the book alone. I was skeptical while reading it, for example it would appear Terry Dodson wants you to deceive by common definition (I believe a definition based on emotional feelings many of us have because of our own experiences with being deceived)...but this is not the case. The same is true for Aiki. It's not about agreeing with the opponent(s) or changing what you believe. It's about understanding them and knowing that to bring about harmony you have to communicate WITH the other person, which may not be the way you would communicate to someone like yourself. If I read this book in my early 20's I would have thrown it away. But as I understand people and myself better I'm beginning to see that it's not my beliefs or ideas that are/where wrong, it was my approach and how I interacted with others (especially those attacking me). It's not about who is right and who is wrong. Harmony is far more important. With out harmony, the facts and who is `right' can lose all meaning.

This book is for everyone, not just for those practicing Aikido. I highly recommend giving it a chance.

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars an interesting approach to conflict management, May 31, 2000

By 

mattg (Massachusetts) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Aikido in Everyday Life: Giving In to Get Your Way Second Edition (Paperback)

Dobson presents an interesting approach to conflict resolution. He uses a set of geometric figures as a metaphor for the different ways we could react to conflict in our daily lives. On the surface, the pictures are pretty silly, and the sample dialogues seem rather contrived. But underneath, the ideas are sound. Anyone with knowledge of Aikido and/or Zen principles will recognize the core concepts immediately, although others may have a harder time taking him seriously. Don't buy this book if you are looking for a set of quick tricks that will enable you to bend others to your will. To apply Dobson's strategies successfully, you might have to change your way of thinking about yourself and your relationships.