8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Tell It Like It Is, March 8, 2003
This review is from: I Ain't Much, Baby--But I'm All I've Got (Mass Market Paperback)
Rather you watch Dr. Phil's show, or have seen him on other shows, you may recognize that phrase.
But have you ever wondered where Dr. Phil has coined that phrase?
This phrase is in Dr. Jess Lair's 1969 copy of "I aint much, baby-but I'm all I've got."
Some really wonderful messages from this book tell us, "We are so busy not just building walls, but being the big judge that we don't have time to find, 'Hey, there are a lot of other people just like me out there.'"
And, "How are you going to teach someone, anyone, if you don't understand that their concerns and your concerns run along the same path."
One of the biggest lessons in this book, and there are many of them for everyone, is to tell the appropriate person, in the appropriate time, "I love you." You may notice that you will choke over saying those three words.
You may also notice that you may want to say more than that. But challenge yourself to say just those three words to that person, while you expect nothing in return.
This will teach you self-acceptance, acceptance of others, trust, love and serenity.
Also, as part of your "get real challenge," find 5 people who you tell, what you fear, what you are sad about, and what you are worried about. See yourself telling these people this, while you notice your internal voice, and their reactions or responses.
Make this part of your lifestyle, while you balance other parts of who you are.
When you are able to do this you enhance not only how you experience life, but you also enhance the possibility that the people who you speak heart-to-heart to, just might feel more free to get real with themselves. They may tell you how it really is for them, in a way that allows them to take responsibility for their own lives.
And although they may not tell you how it really is with them, chances are they will tell someone else how it really is with them - which is great, because the idea is that they decide to be authentic.
And in giving this gift to these people, you are changing the world, because we all know at least 250 people. When they or you are able to see yourselves accepted, unconditionally, we all pass this on.
If you find this challenging for you, and you are determined to do this, especially for yourself, I suggest that you read, "Narcissism: Denial of the True Self," by Alexander Lowen, MD; then read, "Healing the Shame That Binds You," by John Bradshaw.
We are all here to express our unique purpose, and in so doing to make a difference, beyond our wildest dreams.
To fight that truth is playing God.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
I would have rated it a 5 thirty years ago, February 22, 2005
Jess's presentation is one of the most realistic, compassionate treatments of human nature and relationships which I have seen. His stress on being genuine, and on the deep human need for love, is superb.
Where Jess fails is in treating the examples, mostly from his classroom experience, as if the approach he outlines is strictly 'cause and effect.' During the 1970s, when a new generation was exploring being 'open' as opposed to using the conventions of conversation from the past, yet the 'self help' culture had not yet arisen, his approach seemed close to revolutionary. However, reactions other than those of one grateful for love are never presented as possible - and, indeed, one may find that is exactly what one receives.
For example, Jess, whose emphasis on our need to be loved is probably the most honest statement of the century, gives an example of a nurse who phoned her former supervisor, to whom she was grateful, to say 'I love you.' The happy tears of the supervisor are moving - but let no one expect that this was inevitable. Indeed, some people are ill at ease when told of love by close friends.
Regrettably, the current 'self help' culture could spoil the effect of much of Jess's advice. The warmth and affection he suggests could be taken today for a 'violation of boundaries,' or be feared as a technique of manipulation (much as it is not.)
I found Jess's treatment of sex to be wonderfully healthy and refreshing, yet things have changed there as well. He gives an example of a wonderful man he knew who complimented a lady on her figure (saying she had the nicest breasts he had seen), and her wholesome acceptance of this. Indeed, an excellent attitude is shown here - but a man;s compliments on a woman's figure could be
taken, however wrongly, for some sort of harrassment today.
The book can be valuable, but with the caveat that the reader must use it with discrimination.
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