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I Ain't Much, Baby--But I'm All I've Got

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Rather you watch Dr. Phil's show, or have seen him on other shows, you may recognize that phrase.

But have you ever wondered where Dr. Phil has coined that phrase?

This phrase is in Dr. Jess Lair's 1969 copy of "I aint much, baby-but I'm all I've got."

Some really wonderful messages from this book tell us, "We are so busy not just building walls, but being the big judge that we don't have time to find, 'Hey, there are a lot of other people just like me out there.'"

And, "How are you going to teach someone, anyone, if you don't understand that their concerns and your concerns run along the same path."

One of the biggest lessons in this book, and there are many of them for everyone, is to tell the appropriate person, in the appropriate time, "I love you." You may notice that you will choke over saying those three words.

You may also notice that you may want to say more than that. But challenge yourself to say just those three words to that person, while you expect nothing in return.

This will teach you self-acceptance, acceptance of others, trust, love and serenity.

Also, as part of your "get real challenge," find 5 people who you tell, what you fear, what you are sad about, and what you are worried about. See yourself telling these people this, while you notice your internal voice, and their reactions or responses.

Make this part of your lifestyle, while you balance other parts of who you are.

When you are able to do this you enhance not only how you experience life, but you also enhance the possibility that the people who you speak heart-to-heart to, just might feel more free to get real with themselves. They may tell you how it really is for them, in a way that allows them to take responsibility for their own lives.

And although they may not tell you how it really is with them, chances are they will tell someone else how it really is with them - which is great, because the idea is that they decide to be authentic.

And in giving this gift to these people, you are changing the world, because we all know at least 250 people. When they or you are able to see yourselves accepted, unconditionally, we all pass this on.

If you find this challenging for you, and you are determined to do this, especially for yourself, I suggest that you read, "Narcissism: Denial of the True Self," by Alexander Lowen, MD; then read, "Healing the Shame That Binds You," by John Bradshaw.

We are all here to express our unique purpose, and in so doing to make a difference, beyond our wildest dreams.

To fight that truth is playing God.

Jess's presentation is one of the most realistic, compassionate treatments of human nature and relationships which I have seen. His stress on being genuine, and on the deep human need for love, is superb.

Where Jess fails is in treating the examples, mostly from his classroom experience, as if the approach he outlines is strictly 'cause and effect.' During the 1970s, when a new generation was exploring being 'open' as opposed to using the conventions of conversation from the past, yet the 'self help' culture had not yet arisen, his approach seemed close to revolutionary. However, reactions other than those of one grateful for love are never presented as possible - and, indeed, one may find that is exactly what one receives.

For example, Jess, whose emphasis on our need to be loved is probably the most honest statement of the century, gives an example of a nurse who phoned her former supervisor, to whom she was grateful, to say 'I love you.' The happy tears of the supervisor are moving - but let no one expect that this was inevitable. Indeed, some people are ill at ease when told of love by close friends.

Regrettably, the current 'self help' culture could spoil the effect of much of Jess's advice. The warmth and affection he suggests could be taken today for a 'violation of boundaries,' or be feared as a technique of manipulation (much as it is not.)

I found Jess's treatment of sex to be wonderfully healthy and refreshing, yet things have changed there as well. He gives an example of a wonderful man he knew who complimented a lady on her figure (saying she had the nicest breasts he had seen), and her wholesome acceptance of this. Indeed, an excellent attitude is shown here - but a man;s compliments on a woman's figure could be
taken, however wrongly, for some sort of harrassment today.
The book can be valuable, but with the caveat that the reader must use it with discrimination.

This book changed my life ten years ago, when I was struggling with depression and conflict, by giving me back responsibility for the way others react to me. Recently I have had my "tiny flame" blown out and I know this book will renew my hope and give me the strength to get back to loving the world and myself.

I first read this book in college, about 15 years ago. I noticed right away that I was sending out and receiving love from people. It was amazing and real, and eventually my "abilities" wore off. Then I read it again 9 years ago, and the same thing happened, without saying a word, people smiled more and were kinder, and went out of their way to be nice to me. Because I was real and accepting of myself, and it flowed out. But again it wore off. Now in 2005 I think I have grown enough spiritually to "get it", and I hope permanently this time. But it does take five minutes at time for a lifetime. The lessons are between the lines and you won't even realize how much you've changed until you notice how well-liked you suddenly become, really! This book is a must-have for any seeker of personal growth or spritual truth because as I'm learning, they are exactly the same thing.

I agree with a previous reviewer that this book has much to offer, but should be used with some caution. People's boundaries have changed. My personal experience in applying some of the lessons from this book is that people are often not fond of hearing self-disclosure and connecting experiences together interpersonally. People seem to like me better when I don't share much about myself and just listen to them and support them instead. Of course, too much of that makes for unbalanced relationships, but in our Hollywoodized, sound bite world, people aren't always ready for the real thing.

He has a real way of connecting with readers, telling it like it is! Great effort and I'm sure Jess helped a lot of people who's lives were confused messes. Very easy read and information. Still applicable to relationships in the 21st century.

Jeffrey McAndrew
author of "Our Brown-Eyed Boy"

A book that help me grow and grow up, if only I could thank the man in person for what few words he shared in such works. Thanks for showing me how to share the love that I have within my soul.

I haven't even finished the book, and I'm already planning to buy more of his books. Talk about being real!He uses his life and those around him for teaching points. I have been one of those people with a shame-based childhood who has let my past help control who I am. Besides the Bible, this book is one of the best I have read, it will help me or anyone make some changes for the better. I recommend this book to those, like me, who desperatley need to be real with people.I only regret this book only comes in paperback. I have not been able to find it in hardback. I am a senior adult, and the writing is very small and hard to read. However, I will continue to read it, and underline it, and use it for a reference book in the future. Here is the secret to reading a book like this, or any other book about how to make changes in ourselves. You have to actually be a doer and not just a reader.

I was unhappily married for 7 years, no kids. I'd tried my best but it
wasn't working. A line in the book is: "I will never again do anything
I am not deeply committed to." I taped this to the wall of my office.
Eventually it helped me leave. The good news is that both my former
husband and I have found happiness with different partners. He was a good
man, we just weren't right for each other...at least in the long run.
The book helped me open my heart to others and to myself.
Its an excellent and important book.

Have you ever read a book where you felt like the author was right there in the room, connecting with you, there just for you?

This is definitely one of those books. He speaks to your heart and soul, besides your mind. And he anticipates everything that you might object to.

Read this book to accept everything about yourself, the good, bad, ugly and beauty, equally. Because it is when you accept all of this about yourself that you naturally enhance parts of yourself that you want to enhance, not what someone else wants you to do.

And in your self-acceptance, you will become more free to accept others, as they choose to be, without your pressing upon their mind.

The more you practice listening to your soul, and compassionately responding to your soul, the more you at peace you become.

Read this book, more than once, with pen in hand, as you note what you are experiencing - And, oh! How humble you will become.