Customer Reviews

Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(10)

 

 

Not much to say, considering that the majority of the reviews here have already warned people off this turkey.

The main culprit for the movies downfall is the terrible script, though the over the top performances from all really help sink it. You have to feel sorry for some of the stars who signed on, especially Whoopi Goldberg, who as an OSCAR winning actress, really deserves better. Eric Idle comes off unfunny, even irritating, which, as a Python star I'd never thought would be possible. Sly Stallone seems fed up, but maybe thankful for the work after his career was beginning to dry up (though his career seems to be revived at the moment).

It says a lot when the parody (this film) seems worse than the movie genre it is taking a shot at. Some movies are so bad that they have a 'secondary audience' who watch to laugh at it. This is just bad, and, very embarrassing. Avoid. Full stop.

Badly written, badly cast, badly acted, badly directed - it's all here. And the embarrassing cameos don't help. At all. One would be hard pressed to pick out the worst of the bunch; Whoopi or Weinstein? Would've been way better if Billy Barty had Ryan O'Neal's role though.

However, there's this 'inspirational' line in there somewhere: "If we believe in film - and we do - then don't we have the responsibility to protect the world from bad ones?" Indeed.

Too bad the film makers didn't take it to heart.

Plenty of talent gets ignited in this failed satire based on the "Alan Smithee" pseudonym. Justly recognized as one of the all-time disasters, "Burn Hollywood Burn" (1998) lies on the screen like cinematic roadkill. Writer Joe Eszterhas takes perverse pride in surpassing the awfulness of "Showgirls," but offers no camp value whatsoever. The "in-joke" is dubious and painfully unfunny.

Got a chance to read a script of "An Alan Smithee Film" a couple of years back. Funny, funnier, funniest. Not much plot, but funny, believable, outlandish circumstances. Joe Eszterhas lays some Hollywood realism on the line for us all to enjoy.

Too bad funny on the page doesn't necessarily transfer to funny on the screen. Eric Idle: not funny, Richard Jeni: less than not funny, and Ryan O'Neal: torturously cruel and inhuman.

Sandra Bernhard as someone's wife? Always funny.

The little cameos aren't even cute, although you gotta appreciate the irony of Gavin Polone's appearance. Too bad Michael DeLuca wasn't available.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda...translates to better ways to spend your time.

Funny at some parts, very witty too. Alan Smithee (Eric Idle) has just made the biggest Hollywood Picture ever starring Jackie Chan, Whoopi Goldberg, and Sylvester Stallone. But when Smithee kind of goes crazy the film doesn't come out and it makes a lot of people mad. This is the story of that. Has a lot of potential, this movie that is, but doesn't quit live up to it. Very funny in some parts, then it lags and get's annoying in others. If you liked "Waiting for Guffman" and could stand and liked Julia Sweeny's "God Said 'Ha'". Then this is your movie, otherwise, let it go by.

Viewed: 11/03, 5/08
Rate: 1

5/08: Imagine my surprise when I discovered a VHS copy of An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn at a flea market some years back. It was like finding plutonium in the middle of a desert. All right, the first time I saw the picture, I remember falling asleep. Now I see it again, and I thought initially that maybe it couldn't be worse than the crap that Hollywood has been churning out these days. Well, guess what? It's that bad. There is not one single part that is deemed to be good about An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn. It's unpretentiously boring junk about bunch of losers talking about whether if a film gets made or not. It doesn't make sense. Why not just sue the director and make the dough from insurance? Regardless, I personally couldn't give rat's ass. When Whoopi Goldberg made her cameo, the crap started to hit the fan. Then the rubbish talking and more talking made the fan greases its wheels a bit more. The two black nitwits show up, and the fan starts hurling crap further than never before. When Sylvester Stallone agreed to take part in this piece of junk, I seriously thought his career was over in a flash until he made a recent small, albeit lame as in nothing-new-with-him, comeback. Ryan O'Neal already kissed his career good-bye decades before An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn got made, so why bother beating a dead horse? Most of the actors and actresses, probably all of them, who took a part in An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn should never work in a film ever again. They were all terrible and should be shot. In what was supposed to resemble the message of Sunset Boulevard, An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn goes far off the cliff and disappears in its entirety, breaking an old chemistry law "matter is neither created nor destroyed." The claims on the VHS box of An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn said that it was "Hilarious!," "Outrageous!," and "One of the funniest movies in ages!" Excuse me if I yawn...interminably. By the way, I saw Jaws: the Revenge not so long ago, and I read somewhere some comedian made a name for himself by mocking the film. I hadn't realized that this guy, Richard Jeni, is the same schmuck who plays the opposite of Ryan O'Neal; perhaps he had killed himself because he finally found out that he quite sucks in life?

I do not understand all the hate that is thrown at Burn Hollywood Burn..Is it a cinematic masterpiece, not really, but it was never meant to be taken that way...Not all movies have to have top notch acting, a great script or hidden meaning...Check your brain at the door, just get really relaxed & enjoy the show as it unfolds...It is a good spoof of the Hollywood Movie Machine, just as Blake Edward's S.O.B. represented 20 years earlier, only dirtier & seamier these days...

BURN HOLLYWOOD BURN makes Ed Wood look like a misunderstood auteur.
Sly is actually hilarious and likable, so is Jackie Chan.
Seeing the late, talented, Richard Jeni here is a reminder how much we miss his standup routine.
Ryan O'Neal, as always, is painfully, awfully inept as an actor and should have stayed out of showbusiness altogether.
R. Evans looks like a walking train wreck and nearly makes one vomit to have to see that heavily-tanned cowhide skin of his.

And Naomi Baca? Hands down--the best thing about this dreck of a flick. She appears at the end, and briefly at that, sitting next to her husband Eszterhas--but what a lovely, ever-so-gorgeous woman! Wow!
She should have played the role of Evan's bimbo, instead of the real bimbo they used. We get it: Evans was out attempting to dip that tired wick of his and gave the chick the part.
Bottom line: BURN HOLLYWOOD BURN is one of the worst ever made--and they had the money; they even had some decent actors. What a waste.
Joe, I want my money back. Your memoir HOLLYWOOD ANIMAL is far superior to this excreta. Just to show you we can be fair and that we (some of us) actually read books--unlike the Tinsel Town retards.

First of all, this movie is not for everybody. It is a satire, in the vein of Simon with Alan Arkin.

The casting was good, and the cameos were well done. But the movie is full of inside jokes. Anybody that has not worked in or around the entertainment industry will probably not get them.

And the irony is that the director of this movie himself (Arthur Hiller)had his credit replaced with Alan Smithiee.

In fact, this is the last official "Alan Smithee" movie. The Directors Guild of America retired the name, and will now use names made for each movie.

If you like satire movies, or are a Hollywood Insider, give this a look. And you will see a lot of truth in it.

When it came out, this satire of Hollywood filmmaking (Alan Smithee is the alias directors take when their film has been butchered by the producers and they are too ashamed of the final product) was reviewed as if it was about the worst film ever made. Actually, this movie is nowhere nearly as bad as it's supposed to be. It's artless and amateurish at times, but it's also quite funny. You've got to have some interest in the Hollywood scene to appreciate it. Otherwise, it might look like a waste of time and celluloid.